Some people don’t deserve a holy night — especially in fiction. This holiday season, not everyone’s getting our well-wishes. Bookstr team’s sending out sour presents to the fictional characters that blemished some otherwise five-star titles. Find out who made our naughty list in this edition of Schnookstr.
CW: The following may contain spoilers for the listed books and series. Proceed with caution.
Rachel from Tower of God by SIU
Rachel. Oh, Rachel. I’m usually the type of person that likes everyone — but you, my dear, are just a demon in itself. How can you even look at yourself, manipulating and trying to murder the sweetest, kindest boy? He loved you, Rachel. He was devoted to you. Now, as I watch Tower of God season 2, I see that you’re becoming more and more monstrous. And yes, despite the psychotic breakdown you’re having, let me tell you the truth — this is your fault, not his. But we’re in the spirit of giving, aren’t we? Love, joy, and kindness. Merry Spirits. Forgiveness. So I’m getting you what you always wanted, Rachel — the stars. Here it is! A pack of golden star stickers! Only they won’t have “Congrats” or “Good Job” written on them. They’ll say, “You Fail.” “Worst Person Ever.” “Loser.” “Try Again Next Time.” “Most Jealous Person Award.” “Participation Trophy.” I may not know how your story ends, but I bet this is the closest to the stars you’ll ever get.
Janae Hill, Social
Red John from The Mentalist
The mentalist is Patrick Jane, and he works with the CBI to solve murders. Red John killed Patrick’s wife and young daughter, which is what led Patrick to start working with the CBI. While he’s working there, he’s also investigating Red John so that he can get revenge, and Red John toys with Patrick along the way. What I really hate, though, is that Red John has the audacity to try to recruit Patrick Jane into working with him, as if they can be friends. I’m still in the process of watching this show, so I don’t know how it turns out, but I would give Red John a glitter bomb as a gag gift. It’s annoying, but hopefully not enough to make him kill someone. It would also make it easier for him to find since apparently Patrick has met him before; he just didn’t know it. Glitter takes forever to get off completely!
Skyler Rodriguez, Social
Matthias from Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
Seriously, if there were ever a character that I couldn’t stand to this day, it would be him! His self-righteous behavior and how he treats Nina after finding out she’s Grisha stick in my craw! I mean, grow as a person, please. Realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you! My gift for Matthias is a map of the world, so he realizes that life isn’t about him. He is not better than everyone else simply because of his beliefs. Yes, I get it — he was raised this way, but when does that stop being an excuse? On some level, maybe he’s redeemed himself, but I truly don’t believe in him. Maybe a trip around the world one good time will open his eyes and make him realize that his beliefs don’t govern everyone else and how they live!
Quiarah B/Vphan, Editorial
Amarantha from A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas
She can rot in hell, and I’m so glad she dies when she does. She sells herself to power, fucks over pretty much all the Fae, preys on and brutally murders humans, and kills Feyre. There’s no forgiveness or mercy for people like her, and I would love to have thrown her in with the Middengard Wyrm as a gift so she could experience true terror. I usually try to understand where characters come from and how they got to where they were, but I have no sympathy for Amarantha.
Danielle Tomlinson, Editorial
Sabine Fendyr from Crescent City Series by Sarah J. Maas
Sabine is Danika’s mother in this series and is the worst “leader” of the wolf pack that could possibly exist. On top of that, she is a bitter, bitter person and has no sympathy for anyone. When Danika dies, she is nothing but mean to Bryce, who is her best friend, and struggling with her loss. She even goes as far as to say that Bryce was the reason that Danika died. I would give her the gift of a self-help book; she needs it.
Ali Kleinmann, Social
Ruby and Feral from Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor
Ruby and Feral, I would get you a room but you already did. *Gag noises* So, this Christmas, I’m gifting you each a Raya subscription. I’m putting an end to your situationship once and for all on account of ew. Find better matches and never again subject me to reading about your nightly “encounters.” Thanks.
Gabriela Collazo, Editorial
Mother Gothel from Tangled
Without a doubt, I would give this old hag a mirror. It would be one of those antique hand mirrors she can carry with her everywhere to remind herself that she isn’t a young, beautiful woman. Who is desperate enough to steal and raise a child just to be young? I know I wouldn’t, no matter how attractive I could be. Mother Gothel uses fear to raise Rapunzel into an obedient and submissive girl until her true colors come to light.
Dunia Matta, Editorial
Ah, feels good to give. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate; may all your wishes come true this season. To the recipients of our gag gifts: be better. Sincerely, Bookstr Team.
Click here to see what presents we’ve reserved for the characters we love.
Then, gift yourself with a book rec straight from us here!
