After reading a good book, there’s nothing you want more than to go on and on about it. But without friends with similar interests, you most likely end up ranting to an unsuspecting victim or muttering to yourself in the mirror. Bookish friends wholeheartedly listen to your seemingly endless lectures, add compelling insight, provide book recommendations, buddy read books with you, and engage in some silent reading time! So, how do you find them?
We have conducted several real research studies that are definitely backed by real evidence to discover the answer. In our studies, we found that joining book clubs, the advice usually given out to those looking for bookish friends, only has a 41% success rate at bringing bookish friends together in most cases. Our alternate methods, however, proved to have a much higher success rate and are foolproof (for the most part). Without further ado, here are our methods to attract bookish people and lure them into being your friend!
Warning: We are not responsible for any financial, emotional, or physical damage that may occur. Try these methods at your own risk.
Method One: Reading Mysteriously
Success rate: 53%
The first method on our list starts us off nice and easy. First, carefully select a book that appeals to your target audience (e.g., pick a fantasy book if you’re looking for fantasy lovers). Next, go to a public place, such as a park or a bus station, and start reading. The more engaged and mysterious you look, the better. Maybe even throw in a little gasp when necessary. Lastly, wait for someone to comment on it.
Someone is bound to approach you and will most likely do one of the following things: ask what the book is about, comment on the book since they have already read it, or ask if you’re alright (a.k.a. you overdid the gasping). If it’s one of the first two instances, let the conversation flow naturally and don’t forget to get their Instagram or phone number later. Then, let your friendship blossom! Do note that this method may not show results for a while, so don’t feel discouraged and keep showing up to those public spaces daily!
Method Two: Blast Audiobooks
Success rate: 60%
This method is a bit risky but worth the reward. All you have to do is connect your phone to a speaker, play an audiobook, and turn the volume up all the way. Then wait around for your neighbors to inevitably start banging on their walls and showing up at your door to beg you to turn the volume down. Quickly look innocent and say, “The book was just so good, I didn’t notice how loud it was!” Start talking about the book and include all the juicy details that’ll have them hooked!
If you decide to use this method, be aware that your neighbors may not be as much of a bibliophile as you and may file a noise complaint with the police. If officers show up at your door, it’s no biggie! Put on that same apologetic smile and ramble about the book. They’ll fall hook, line, and sinker for it (unless they really don’t like books and give you a warning or fine instead). Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t work out; just take the warning or pay the fine and move on to the next method.
Method Three: Become a Bookseller
Success rate: 65%
For this method, you should try to apply for a job at a bookstore of your choice. Getting the job will make this a bit easier. Don’t fret if you get rejected; just try your best to blend in with the employees, slap on a somewhat believable name tag, and avoid anyone who actually works there. Next, you’re going to go up to customers who are browsing for books and ask if you can help with anything. Don’t feel discouraged if they say no! Keep lightly pressing and suggesting a few books they might like based on the ones they’ve picked up so far.
The conversation will then flow naturally, and one of you will ask for the other’s contact information to see what they think about your recommendations once they read them. There’s also the possibility that the customer will get annoyed and ask to see your manager, in which case you’ll excuse yourself and move on to the next customer. We recommend this method to those who have strong selling and people skills because, after all, you’re not only selling books. You’re selling yourself to them as a good friend who knows a great deal about books!
Method Four: Speak in Quotes
Success rate: 67%
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man [a book lover] in possession of a good fortune [lots of books], must be in want of a wife [bookish friend].”
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Did you see how we used a book quote to make a point? That’s pretty much all you have to do for this method. Replace your entire vocabulary with bookish quotes. Whether you’re quoting The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien (“Not all those who wander are lost”) after taking a wrong turn or In Memoriam A.H.H by Alfred Lord Tennyson (“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”) after finishing a delicious dessert and craving more of it, use these quotes in your everyday life. Memorize enough of them so that you only speak in literary quotes. Most people will probably be confused and a bit worried, but the ones that get it, get it!
Method Five: “Accidentally” twinning
Success rate: 79%
Our fifth method is very similar to our first one, but is a big step further. Instead of reading and waiting around for someone to comment on your book, you’re going to be the one commenting on someone else’s book. Step one is to identify someone reading in a public place. Step two is to rush to the nearest library or bookstore and buy the same book they were reading. Step three is to hurry back (while crossing your fingers that they haven’t left) and sit near enough for it to be natural, but far enough for them not to be freaked out. Then begin to read for a few moments and subtly look over.
Activate your acting skills and start out with a “Oh wow, what a coincidence! We’re reading the same book!” Then talk about it! Make sure you’re honest with them that you’ve only just started the book, so you don’t make a fool out of yourself while trying to assume what it’s about. Once you’re deep into your friendship with them in a few months, you can tell them about your secret scheme, and (hopefully) it’ll be something you both can laugh about for years to come!
Method Six: Leave a Bookish Trail
Success rate: 83%
There’s only one thing readers love more than books, and it’s free books. For this method, you need a whole bunch of books you don’t mind giving away. Think of it as an investment for a future full of bookish friends. Using those books, you’re going to create a trail that starts at a local bookstore or library and leads to your front door. Leave a note on the book on your doorstep that says, “Knock for more.” Once your trail is created, all you have to do is sit by a nearby window and watch as someone falls for your trap.
When they inevitably knock for more free books, open the door and lure them in (metaphorically, of course, don’t let strangers into your house) by asking about their favorite genres, books, and authors. There you have it: a beautiful bookish friendship! Be sure to consider the logistics when performing this method, as they may change the outcome. For example, at your own risk, leave a note explaining how to get into your gated community or apartment building, and do not leave books in the middle of the street! According to our studies, someone will mistake them for a bunch of turtles, swerve, and cause a crash!
Method Seven: A Fictional Transformation
Success rate: 88%
We always encourage people to be themselves… except in this case. For this method, all you have to do is transform into a character from a book. We’re talking about a mental, physical, and emotional transformation that will make book lovers think they’re favorite character is living in their world. This method works out best if, after transforming, you crash a book club that is currently reading the novel the character you are in. They will be star-struck!
Make sure you choose a character that is liked for the most part, such as Harry Potter, Elizabeth Bennet, or Edward Cullen (go crazy with the body glitter if you choose him). Then, it’ll be hard for anyone to dislike you since they already like the character you are based on! This requires a lot of time, energy, and character study, so we recommend it to anyone with acting talents. Although you won’t be acting because you are that character… Warning: this could potentially cause an identity crisis…
Method Eight: Create a Bookish Dating App
Success rate: 90%
There a thousands of dating apps and websites on the Internet, but not enough that encourage building friendships. So, for this method, you are going to create an app that is similar to a dating app but with a focus on making bookish friends! Users can answer prompts about their top five books, hot takes, favorite genres, and more while uploading photos of their bookshelf, favorite book covers, and reading spots. Now you have access to a whole system of people who want to be your friend!
This method does come with a bit more work than the previous ones, considering you have to learn how to develop an app if you don’t already know how to, actually develop it, and advertise it well enough for a lot of people to join. But the huge number of users/potential friends is absolutely worth the struggle! If you are extremely desperate for someone to talk about books with, you can also flood the algorithm with a bunch of different accounts created by you. It may be unethical and deceiving, but at least every user is bound to like one of your profiles at some point!
Method Nine: Stage a fake bookstore opening
Success rate: 94%
This method, like the last, is slightly deceiving, troublesome, and a tiny bit unhinged, but worth the reward. All you have to do is stage the opening of a fake bookstore. This does involve a bit of work, like renting out a building and making it look like a bookstore from the outside, advertising it a lot to gain some excitement for the opening, and probably filling out some paperwork here and there. But the main event you need to focus on is the bookstore’s opening. Slap a “Opening soon” sign on the front door and advertise the date on social media with a promise of free hardcovers, coffee, and goodies to those who show up. No bookworm could refuse that offer!
Then, stand in line outside the building with everyone else. Make sure to look confused when there are no signs of life in the store after an hour of waiting, and look irritated when everyone starts realizing they’re wasting their whole morning waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Once you’re at the point where everyone’s talking to each other and wondering what’s going on, subtly start getting to know the people around you. Bond over the waste of time and your love of books, and go be friends forever!
Method Ten: Write a Bestseller
Success rate: 100%
If you want a method that will guarantee the attention of bookish individuals, writing a bestselling book is the way to go. This is the hardest method on our list, but the only one to provide an 100% success rate. You will need a lot of patience, research, and resilience. Superb writing skills and a degree in English may also come in handy. Once your book gains a lot of praise, talk to readers and fellow authors! If you want to go all out, write a classic. Then you’ll truly have bookish friends for all of eternity!
We hope our tricks will help you attract bookish friends! While these methods are (practically) foolproof, you could always just join a book club and save yourself the money, effort, and embarrassment… But where’s the fun in that?
Want some bookmark alternatives that are sure to impress your new bookish friends? Check out this article!
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