Writing a great romance novel isn’t easy. There’s so much to consider, from plot and characters to the perfect chemistry balance that will leave readers swooning and wanting more. But it can be done! This guide, thoroughly unresearched and written by someone who’s never written a romance book before, is one-hundred percent sure to help. In just a few minutes, you can and will be a romance book-writing expert!
Use Every Overdone Cliché and Trope
If a trope or cliché is used a lot, that means it’s popular. If it’s popular, then lots of people like it. So if you use them, your book should definitely sell well and be critically acclaimed. So with that in mind, be sure to use every single cliché and trope — no exceptions!
And don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense. You can definitely have enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, and strangers to lovers all in the same relationship. Romance doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) be logical — it’s romance! Readers should already know this, so just relax and remember to scratch out each trope and cliché as you write.
Write Unlikeable Love Interests
Love interests are very important, so they need to be as unlikeable as possible. Maybe they’re billionaires who selfishly hoard their wealth, or they have the emotional range of an atom, or they stalk their love interests and watch them sleep. The more unlikeable and socially unacceptable they are, the better.
Don’t forget to apply this to the main character, too. After all, it’s super hard to relate to someone who is likable, has friends, communicates with their loved ones, and has a social life. They should be whiny, or entitled, or selfish — or maybe they kick poor puppies on the street. Either way, your main character absolutely cannot be someone you would be friends with in real life.
Go From 0 to 100 with the Relationship
Slow burns are so overrated. Instead, try “I just met you today and know nothing about you, but we’re getting married at the courthouse at 12:00, moving in together at 1:00, going to the bank so we can get joint accounts at 3:00, and putting each other as the main beneficiary in our wills at 4:00.” It’s so romantic. They can finish it all before dinner!
There doesn’t need to be any sort of buildup, no romanticism sexual tension, and no big declaration of love. I mean, really, it’s 2024 — speed marriage is all the rage. You don’t want to get left behind by writing a romance where the love interests actually take time to get to know each other.
Use Food to Describe Body Parts
Food is sexy, so using food imagery should be a main focus when writing smutty scenes. Instead of using something like “member” to describe male genitals, use “Vienna sausage” instead. And rather than using “breasts”, find an applicable fruit: watermelons, melons, cantaloupes, kiwis, grapes, or any roundish fruit will do.
Using words like these will give readers a better idea of what said body parts actually resemble, which will further immerse them in the story. Readers won’t find anything sexy if there’s no food in it; they’re reading a romance, after all, duh. Plus it’s a good way to stretch your imagination and vary your word choice — just remember to only stick with food descriptions. Nothing else!
Non-Sexual Sexual Descriptions
Don’t use sexual imagery of any kind. It’s gross, it’s weird, and it should be yeeted out the window immediately. Instead, try some alternative descriptions, including “he grunted like a Marine doing pushups” or “she moaned like a ghost.” It’s concise, useful, and it will make your romance novel stand out among the others.
It may seem counterproductive, but I assure you, nothing ruins a sex scene like sexual imagery or sensual descriptions of pleasure. Everything should be as unsexy as possible to keep readers engaged and interested. Trust me: they’ll be posting images of your text on social media for all to see and love, and word of mouth is the best way to get your book out there.
Now it’s time to write your book! Make sure to use these tips to achieve your maximum romantic potential, and happy writing!
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