Romance has a lot of tropes that make us giggle and kick our feet in the air, but just as many that make us gag, angry, or throw the book across the room. The latter are certainly easier to remember, and they stick out to us the most. Some of them are fine in fiction, but definitely not in reality. I asked the Bookstr team what their red flags in romance were, and they didn’t disappoint!
Big City Meets Country
In books and stories, especially around the holidays, this trope plays out beautifully. Big city character gets banished to a small town for whatever reason, meets a struggling small business owner, realizes it’s the little things in life that matter, and forever leave the big city behind for this new love. However, in real life, love is simply not enough to overcome the literal culture shock that accompanies someone uprooting their life to live in an ecosystem they know very little about.
For instance, I grew up in cities and suburbs without ever mowing a lawn. Now that my husband and I have moved back to his humble hometown to be caretakers for family, I have found myself feeling overwhelmed, useless, and honestly helpless with things I never anticipated having to do — like yard work. Asking for help only goes so far because there’s this sense of foundational knowledge many locals assume I already know, which makes teaching me these skills difficult as well. I’m not saying it can’t work, but it’s definitely not all sunshine and roses, my friend.
Arianna Fuhrman, Editorial Intern
There was Only One Bed
This romantic trope is fun in fiction, but weird in real life. I like seeing the banter between the characters fighting over who sleeps on the floor and on the bed, but then deciding to divide the space between pillows and both ending up on the bed. In real life, this trope feels forced and a bit unrealistic. I don’t like the forced proximity that it could put on people and figuring out how to deal with the situation. It could become more uncomfortable than cute and fun.
Molly Ireland, Outreach and Editorial
Possessiveness
I’m not crazy about this trope, even in fiction, but it doesn’t bother me much in books. The whole “You’re mine” or “You belong to me” is just something I internally gloss over (But if it’s something like “I belong to you, and you belong to me,” I may or may not melt a little inside.) But in real life? That’s disgusting. It’s fine to say, “You’re my partner,” or whatever, but saying that someone belongs to you is so gross it makes me feel sick.
Danielle Tomlinson, Editorial
Romanticized Abuse
It’s a no for me. Especially when the FMC knows that she’s abused and can get out of it, but the author writes her to be helpless or obtuse. Dark romance and abusive partners are two very different things. Let’s not try to mix them up. Buh, bye, Colleen Hoover.
Kristi Eskew, Editorial
Stolen Kiss
We’re always itching for the romantic leads to kiss, so when one of them finally makes a move to break the tension, we can’t help but shout, “Finally!” However, in real life, chances are that a stolen kiss doesn’t come from who you want it to come from, and it’s flat-out nonconsensual. While that can also happen in fiction, for the most part, a stolen kiss is a moment the story builds up to. There’s context to show that the act is mutually reciprocated. It’s very rare for things to align just right in reality.
Gabriela Collazo, Editorial
Secrets (Honorable Mention would be the “Bad Boy”)
In a book, keeping secrets can be exciting, anxiety-ridden, and keep us on the edge of our seats. But really, in real life, I’d want to just have the character reach out and talk to me about whatever is going on. Unless it’s one of those juicy secrets that could be hurtful — even then, it’s better to tell that person (sometimes) — there’s no reason not to have a conversation about what’s going on.
Of course, I’m sitting up in bed while reading, waiting for the secret to be revealed and losing my mind once I find out. But in real life, depending on the secret being kept from me, I’d probably be passively aggressively angry for years and years to come.
As an honorable mention, having a bad boy is fun and exciting in a novel. It’s certainly not worth the headache in real life. In truth, a character that’s rough around the edges is cool and makes both the character and us readers gush. In reality, I’m running away as fast as I can. Again, not worth the pain and the headache that may come with all of that!
Quiarah B/Vphan, Editorial
The Love Triangle
The drama and conflict created when the main character develops two (or more) love interests and eventually has to choose one is phenomenal in a book (cough Twilight cough). The reader can find themselves rooting for one of them. In real life, though, it’s rude and disrespectful to lead people on, and if you really can’t decide, then both love interests should walk away and leave you alone. It gives noncommittal vibes, and for people looking for monogamy and true love, that’s a huge red flag.
Skyler Rodriguez, Social Media
Romance Out of Convenience or Settling
In a couple of my favorite romance books, the main characters will get together or end up together by convenience or just settling. This is usually because their heart was broken or they did not end up with their true love, but it’s okay in novels because it’s still romantic, and the love they have is true. To be honest, anything in books sounds better and full of beauty.
However, in reality, the truth is not so pretty. Marrying or getting together with someone because they are the only person around, or just because, never works out well and is full of red flags. It also usually involves terrible or abusive habits/behaviors, which is never okay to just accept.
Kelly Severson Video/Graphics Intern
The Stalkerish Pursuit
It’s downright creepy to have someone follow your every moment. To watch you and know every minute of every day where you are. In some fantasy romances, the writer will have one character be so obsessed with another character, and it is portrayed as love. The obsessed one won’t take “no” for an answer. This is a really bad red flag and a lack of respect for people’s boundaries, not a proven action of deep love or passion
Freya, Social Intern
Enemies to Lovers
When kids are bullied and then become friends, that’s one good thing. The other kid learns and later grows up. In fiction, for adults, it’s okay when there’s Beauty and the Beast, but in real life? It’s actually a pretty serious problem. It’s a red flag when a significant other shows controlling/possessive traits or abusive traits.
Talia Wall, Graphics
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