We need to make the world of literature a better place. And you may be asking, how can we do that? Well, I often find myself asking the same question. Luckily, there is an answer to that! We can level up the world of literature by getting rid of poetry. Just imagine how much better your bookshelves would be if we simply took the poetry books off of them. And if you’re not fully convinced, then let me explain why poetry is a nightmare.
Poetry is as Old as the Hills
It’s simply too old. Some people would call poetry a classic timepiece that has aged finely throughout the years, but I call that a bunch of bologna! Poetry has not aged like fine wine; it isn’t Brad Pitt. It’s pulling more of a Leonardo DiCaprio. Poetry’s origins can be traced back to 5000 BC in Ancient Mesopotamia. It’s currently 2024 (if you needed a reminder), and I genuinely cannot believe that we have let poetry exist for this long. I was hoping poetry would be more of a trend. However, I don’t think trends usually last 7,024 years. Therefore, I think it’s best that we ban poetry before it reaches 7,025 years.
Poetry is Indecipherable
Poetry doesn’t make sense. I mean, have you ever tried reading any of Emily Dickinson’s poems? The key word here is ‘tried.’ “Hope” is the thing with feathers and is the world’s most confusing piece of poetry. What on earth does it even mean? Last time I checked, I hope it doesn’t have feathers! I can still recall the day that my 2nd-grade teacher taught me nouns. She said that a noun is a person, place, thing, or idea. Therefore, hope is an idea, and an idea sure can’t have feathers! I’m not sure what Emily Dickinson was talking about, and I don’t think I’ll ever find out. If you want to send yourself into a brain fog, then you should read The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson. This book features all of the 1,775 poems that Emily Dickinson wrote. This book would simply send me into a frenzy.
Why is Poetry Trying to Copy Dr. Suess?
Many poems include rhymes, and it is the bane of my existence. I think we need to resist this and put rhyming at a distance. It’s not like it gives poetry any substance. And I just want to ask, what exactly is the point of rhyming? Rhymes shouldn’t be in poetry; they should only be in children’s books and songs. I think it’s very wrong, and it doesn’t make the poem very strong. In fact, I’d rather go to Hong Kong and play ping-pong all day long. I just don’t think it adds anything to the poem. If anything, rhymes make poetry a bigger joke. And I think it’s time that rhyming in poetry croaks. And while we’re at it — poetry should croak before it provokes the townsfolk.
Poetry is Emotionless
Poetry is not impactful in the slightest. It is supposed to express emotions. You should be experiencing the feelings that are conveyed through the words on the pages. Yet, each time I read a poem, I still feel as empty as I did before reading it. In fact, I think I feel emptier after reading the piece of poetry. I found this to be the case with Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell. I read this book at a time in my life when I was trying to develop emotionally. However, this book made my emotional state worse. I never felt any emotion throughout this book, and I needed therapy when I finished it.
Poetry in Elementary School?
My 6th English teacher had us analyze three poems a week. Why on Earth was I analyzing Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe at 12 years old? I didn’t even understand the concept of love at 12 years old, and I was supposed to understand this rancid poem. And then throw Poe’s literary persona in there, and it’s ten times worse. That’s like handing someone a book in a language they don’t know and asking them to translate it. I mean, come on! At 12 years old, the only thing I was worried about was keeping my Snapchat streaks. And now, looking back on this failure of a poem, I would love to live in a kingdom by the sea, too, Mr. Poe. But we can’t have it all, can we?
Poetry is Overhyped
Everyone always talks about Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur. Milk and Honey this and Milk and Honey that! Well, guess what? I am officially tired! The only time I want to hear about milk and honey is when it’s going into my tea. I don’t even understand why poetry is so overhyped. What is so great about poetry? You can read an entire poetry book within an hour, and then that’s it! Is that supposed to be a source of entertainment? You read a bunch of little paragraphs, and then it’s over. You read it once, place it back on your bookshelf to look pretty, and then BOOM! $15 down the drain. Poetry is like my love life; it’s fleeting.
Expressing Love Through Poetry is Dead
Loved ones don’t write poetry for each other anymore. So what’s the point? I remember when individuals were writing poetry for their lovely partners. Granted, I’m only 21, but I can imagine when there was a time like that. Imagine receiving a hand-written poem that confesses how adored you are. Well, stop dreaming because that doesn’t happen these days. Couples aren’t doing what William Shakespeare did in Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day (Sonnet 18). The best you can get now is a goodnight text with a heart emoji. If someone isn’t writing me poetry, it simply should not exist. Showing love and affection through poetry is dead, so poetry should be 6 feet under as well!
Poetry Lacks Creativity
Poetry is supposed to have a certain level of creativity to it. However, I’ve never read one poem that was creative. In the second semester of my freshman year in college, I took an Introduction to Poetry class. And let me tell you, it was the worst decision I made. The class was three hours long, and it seemed like torture. Although I try to block most of that class out of my memory, I can’t forget the uncreative poetry that came with it. We spent a month reading and analyzing Ada Limón’s The Carrying. The professor chose this book because she said it featured the most creative poems she ever read. Creativity? What creativity? Anyone could have written those poems! A five-year-old could have written that same exact thing.
At this point, I know you agree with me. I am confident you are on our side, AKA the right side. Poetry is like the creepy and puzzling ex that keeps popping up. Just like I had to block my ex on every single social media platform and out of my life, it’s time for us to block poetry. And not only are we blocking poetry out of our lives, but we are also blocking it out of the world of literature and the book industry. We will prosper without the threatening presence of poetry. This is for the sanity of the future generations that will come after us. Rest in nothing but agony, poetry.
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