Have a Laugh with Bookstr’s Funniest Book Quotes

For International Joke Day, the Bookstr team gathered our favorite funny book quotes. Check them out!

Book Culture Favorite Quotes Just For Fun Pop Culture

We all need a good laugh sometimes. Non-readers will say there is no such thing as a funny book, but we bookish people always remember the quotes that made us crack up in the middle of the bookstore. July 1st is International Joke Day, so it’s time to grab your feel-good comedy novel. Thanks to the wonderful team here at Bookstr, here are our favorite funny quotes from the funniest novels!

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

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I am about to faint from anxiety and general depression. The film I saw last night was especially grueling, a teenage beach musical. I almost collapsed.

From A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

McKenna Hendricks of the editorial team writes:

A Confederacy of Dunces is about a middle-aged screw up living in New Orleans. After he dropped out of college, this self-proclaimed genius is the embodiment of bad luck for everyone around him. I absolutely adore this book and it was hard to pick a favorite quote out of all the comedy gold buried in the text. I went with this one because I quote it a lot when watching cheap B-movies. Also, I feel like this quote gives a great insight on the nutty main character, Ignatius’, personality.

Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits by David Wong

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“This whole thing happened because I got up last night, because my cat got hungry and I had to go find a fork, and I stumbled into that conference room and saw Will and Ling and their cop friend messing with a severed hand.”

Budd said, “A severed what?” and Andre said, “Your cat eats with a fork?”

From Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits by David Wong

Erin Shea of the editorial team writes:

I bought this book on a whim and ended up absolutely loving it. It’s a satirical sci-fi read with an amusing cast of characters (including the protagonist’s lovely cat named Stench Machine). The setting is the near future, where we encounter an absurd culture of constant live-streaming in a desert metropolis called Tabula Ra$a (yes with the dollar sign). I chose this short passage in particular because I think it encompasses the chaotic humor that makes this novel so enjoyable to read.

A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire by Jennifer L. Armentrout

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I reacted without thought, slamming my elbow into his stomach. Casteel grunted out a curse.

”Please don’t fight atop the horse,” Delano called out from somewhere behind us. “None of us wish to watch Setti trample either of you.”

“Speak for yourself,” came Kieran’s droll voice.

Casteel straightened behind me. “Don’t worry. Neither of us will fall. It was just a love tap.”

“That did not look like a love tap,” Naill commented.

“That’s because it was a very passionate one,” Casteel replied.

“You’re about to get a love tap to your face,” I muttered under my breath. Casteel curled his arm more firmly around my waist as he laughed.

From A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Andreia Pereira from the editorial team writes:

This book was peak comedy in between amazing fight scenes and an even better plot. I can’t express enough how much I love Poppy’s interaction’s with Casteel and Kieran, it almost always ends up in bickering. I picked this particular one because I believe it really show’s the essence of each character and how well they get along.

The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex

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“I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with … G.”

”Sausages.”

From The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex

Kayla Kolehouse from the graphics team writes:

People will recognize this book as the novel that was butchered inside and out to make the movie “Home”. However, as we always say, the book was better. The dynamic between the two main characters, Tip (a traumatized and salty young girl) and J.LO (a space alien that has been banished by his own kind), is as funny as can be. These two personalities you don’t expect to get along, but as their relationship grows from tolerance to friendship, the laughs grow too.

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

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“You’ve been living a dream for long enough!” I yell at the cameras between bursts of maniacal laughter, raising my arms. ”Welcome to your nightmare!”

From Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

Griffyn Tijamo from the graphics team writes:

I love this book so much because of how completely unhinged Zetian is, the protagonist and the titular Iron Widow. In an ancient China-based sci-fi world that highly values women as energy sources for men who pilot mechas used to fight the aliens attempting to breach the Great Wall, the war is constantly televised and watched by everyone. That doesn’t stop Zetian from behaving fiercely when she enters the concubine-pilot program with a vengeance. As she realizes the full potential of her power, she doesn’t hold back from speaking up for what she believes in, much to the bewilderment of the men around her. 

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

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“What’re you doing here?“ Ron and Fred said at the same time.

“Sending a letter,“ said Harry and George in unison.

“What, at this time?“ said Hermione and Fred.

From Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

Emily Gumal from the editorial team writes:

I don’t generally read a lot of comedy books, but I love this underrated scene in Harry Potter because of the ridiculousness of the unison. There are a lot of other funny moments in the Harry Potter series (I love when they take the OWLs exams, for example, when Ron is in his Divination exam and describes the stranger that his examiner is going to meet, only to look up and realize that he’s describing his examiner’s reflection), but this moment between Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred and George is particularly funny because none of them thought that they were going to encounter the others there and then they did. 

Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety by Daniel Smith

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I studied the actors in my favorite TV shows to see how they laughed. I practiced each evening in the bathroom mirror, thinking comic thoughts, running the faucet at full volume so my brothers wouldn’t hear me…But no matter how hard I worked I could not get that laugh to sound natural. At one of our last performances, at an outdoor festival, my father discovered me behind the costume trailer only minutes before curtain, still testing out variations.

“Ha ha ha! Hee hee hee! Ho ho ho! Mwah ha ha! Heh heh heh! Tee hee hee! Hrump hrump hrump!”

“Just laugh like yourself,” my father said.

When the run ended, I quit theater forever.

From Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety by Daniel Smith

Karen Reyes from the editorial team writes:

I read this book because I heard it made anxious people feel seen. As someone who used to struggle with anxiety, much of Smith’s thought process echoed my own. What I wasn’t expecting was how hilarious this book is. This quote is just one of the many examples he gives from his life. He shows how anxiety impacted him and how certain moments felt with funny anecdotes. It’s a great memoir that shows the ugly truth about anxiety while having enough self awareness to poke fun at how ridiculous and illogical it can be a lot of the time.

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews

Book cover for Me and Earl and the Dying Girl
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“Do McCarthy act all stoned,” repeated Earl. “While he teaching.”

“He—not really,” I said. “Well, maybe. Sort of. I guess. You could, uh… Not exactly, uh. You know.”

I couldn’t even put a goddamned sentence together.

Earl was temporarily silenced by this display.

“Damn, son,” he said eventually. “Damn.”

From Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews

Joanne Chung from the editorial team writes:

To be perfectly honest, I barely remember anything from this book because it’s been so long since I read it. Yet, it’s the first book that comes to mind when I think of funny moments in fiction, specifically because of this one moment where Greg and Earl steal some of a teacher’s pho… which just so happens to have marijuana in it. It’s memorable to me because it’s so absurd, and Earl’s responses to Greg being stoned out of his mind are hilarious. Me and Earl and the Dying Girl is one of the few books that has made me laugh before, and revisiting just this one moment made me laugh all over again.

Hopefully, these fun quotes made you smile today. Make sure to give all these novels a read if you haven’t already! Also, check out our article 7 Funny Books to Read During Quarantine for more laughs.

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