To celebrate the release of 'Danger in Plain Sight', we have got a collection of prizes that will make even your French ex-husband jealous.
Charles Springfield's new book about rosé is sure to excite you if you're a wine lover.
Remember when The Cask of the Amontillado memes came back and crushed the scene for no reason? Those were good times, and they’re not gone. In fact, I have cases of Amontillado memes. Right this way, they’re just at the back of my cellar.
Um… Excuse me.
Image via Imgur
Who would lock him up? You’re a monster if you don’t protect him. Look how baby he is! I’m shook. Come to think of it, he definitely shouldn’t be drinking wine either. Let him out, pat him on the head, and get him something dogs like to drink instead. The look on his face is priceless. So polite. Like… pardon? I may have a problem? The little paw too, he just conveys so much with so little space. I don’t care how much he wronged me, I’d just keep bearing those affronts. I would gladly let him kill me.
Why do I Never See That Guy Anymore?
Image via Know Your Meme
Fortunato? Well, I certainly didn’t murder him, if that’s what you mean! Are you asking if I lured him down to the cellar and knocked him out? Don’t be ridiculous! Where would you even get that idea? I certainly didn’t build a wall over him so he’ll die slowly entombed in the earth. You guys have a lot of questions, lol. So specific! Why would I pretend to be his friend, secretly hate him, and then plot to get him drunk and murder him? You’re a riot.
The Internet is GOOD
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People say that phones would ruin classic media, but people are wrong. Can you believe this? Imagine all that nonsense, then Fortunato sobers up a little and realizes he’s got his cellphone. The sheer silliness appeals terribly to the post-absurdist sensibility we’ve got going these days. I also really appreciate the anticlimax. Oh god, he walled him in! Wait, wait, he’s got his cellphone. It’s fine. PEAK COMEDY, I tell you. What did we do before Twitter?
You Know the Look
Image via Twitter
I don’t even know where to go from here, to be perfectly honest. How can something that’s borderline incoherent be so funny? Who gave it the right? Memes have gotten so abstract in the hundred-seventy-three-years since this was published. Why did this become a craze? Were people like ‘you know what’s relevant to the modern world? A sedate story about wine and revenge from over a hundred-fifty-years ago’. It’s a spicy take.
We’ve All Been There
Image via Imgur
Does anybody remember this show? And could you possibly explain to me why every single train had the worst personality ever put to film? I wasn’t rooting for any of those jerks. And what could possibly be the situation pictured here? Are they actually cask-of-the-amontillato-ing a guy? He doesn’t exactly look comfortable with whatever’s going on. These are children’s books, for goodness’ sake. Did they really just go, ‘I know what’s good for this kid’s book! Murder!’ Ahead of their time, I guess?
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Drinking and reading are the two things that are best. That’s why the smart people at Warner Bros. have teamed up with Lot18 to sell The Lord of the Rings-themed wine. They might have unnecessarily split The Hobbit into three two and a half hour movies, but they’re beginning to understand what the people want.
Lot18’s wines are each named after a fan favorite character: Gandalf, Aragorn, Frodo, and Galadriel. The labels are works of art on their own and I want them as posters. Aragorn’s silhouette is stuffed with a landscape of Minas Tirith, a fellbeast flying overhead. Is the fellbeast heading toward or away from King Aragorn’s white throne room? That is up to you dreaming drinkers to decide.
Get a load of each lovely label (courtesy of Entertainment Weekly) and Lot18’s descriptions of each wine (for those of you who pretend to understand what words like “complex” and “subtle” and “sturdy” means re: wine).
2016 Gandalf Monterey County Pinot Noir
The great wizard Gandalf can only be embodied by a variety as respected and celebrated as Pinot Noir. Like the wise old wanderer, this subtle yet complex red is unassuming at first glance, but quickly revealed to be spirited and persuasive, with black raspberry, alpine strawberry and forest floor flavors casting a spell over your palate, bringing you back for sip after sip. Give in to your sense of adventure and follow along.
2016 Frodo Lodi Old Vine Zinfandel
As honest and pure as a hobbit’s heart, this Zinfandel is crafted in honor of the most adventurous one of them all: Frodo Baggins, keeper of the ring. And just as hobbits are sturdier than they appear, so are the old vines that produced this red, which have endured for decades to survive – and flourish – against all odds. Vibrant flavors of blackberry, fig and spiced plum carry through to the warm, pleasing finish of this reliable wine.
2016 Galadriel Bordeaux Blanc
The most noble, beautiful and powerful of the elven women is honored by this high-toned wine, a Bordeaux Blanc with piercing citrus flavors and remarkable concentration. Just as Galadriel is revered by the tree people and all those graced by her presence, this impressive white is a true crowd pleaser, imbuing an immediate sense of devotion with its charming embrace. Take a sip and fall under its ethereal spell.
2015 Aragorn Appellation Lussac-St. Émilion Contrôlée
If ever there was a wine fit for a king as mighty and honorable as Aragorn, this is it. A blend of 80% Merlot, 15% Cabernet Franc and 5% Malbec, this unmatched red is from the Lussac-St.-Émilion appellation, once the site of historic battles and dreams of victory. Rich, concentrated and built to last, it’s intensely expressive of its terroir, displaying black-fruit flavors and polished tannins on the palate. Your quest for the consummate drinking experience ends here.