Tag: valentines

Love Letters

Grab a Tissue and Read These Love Letters to and From Famous Writers!

Love can throw you in a thousand directions. Some people mellow out completely, some people go a little crazy, and some people start out mellow and then go crazy. The first love will probably be the hardest to lose, and after that, it’s safe to say that they get better with age and experience, just like a fine wine or cheese. We have compiled a list of the eight sauciest love notes exchanged by literary all-stars.

 

The Aristocats

Via Metro

 

Zelda Fitzgerald to F. Scott Fitzgerald:

 

I look down the tracks and see you coming—and out of every haze & mist your darling rumpled trousers are hurrying to me—Without you, dearest dearest I couldn’t see or hear or feel or think—or live—I love you so and I’m never in all our lives going to let us be apart another night. It’s like begging for mercy of a storm or killing Beauty or growing old, without you. I want to kiss you so—and in the back where your dear hair starts and your chest—I love you—and I can’t tell you how much—To think that I’ll die without your knowing—Goofo, you’ve got to try to feel how much I do—how inanimate I am when you’re gone.

 

Héloïse d’Argenteuil To Peter Abélard:

 

I have your picture in my room. I never pass by it without stopping to look at it; and yet when you were present with me, I scare ever cast my eyes upon it. If a picture which is but a mute representation of an object can give such pleasure, what cannot letters inspire? They have souls, they can speak, they have in them all that force which expresses the transport of the heart; they have all the fire of our passions….

 

Honoré de Balzac to Countess Ewelina Haska, June 1835:

 

I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you, a thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me. As for my heart, there you will always be — very much so. I have a delicious sense of you there. But my God, what is to become of me, if you have deprived me of my reason? This is a monomania which, this morning, terrifies me. I rise up every moment say to myself, ‘Come, I am going there!’ Then I sit down again, moved by the sense of my obligations. There is a frightful conflict. This is not a life. I have never before been like that. You have devoured everything. I feel foolish and happy as soon as I let myself think of you. I whirl round in a delicious dream in which in one instant I live a thousand years. What a horrible situation! Overcome with love, feeling love in every pore, living only for love, and seeing oneself consumed by griefs, and caught in a thousand spiders’ threads.

 

Frida Kahlo in a letter to Diego Riviera:

 

I’d like to paint you, but there are no colors, because there are so many, in my confusion, the tangible form of my great love.

 

English poet Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf:

 

…I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your undumb letters, would never write so elementary a phrase as that; perhaps you wouldn’t even feel it.

 

Jean-Paul Sartre to Simone de Beauvoir:

 

Tonight I love you in a way that you have not known in me: I am neither worn down by travels nor wrapped up in the desire for your presence. I am mastering my love for you and turning it inwards as a constituent element of myself. This happens much more often than I admit to you, but seldom when I’m writing to you. Try to understand me: I love you while paying attention to external things. At Toulouse I simply loved you. Tonight I love you on a spring evening. I love you with the window open. You are mine, and things are mine, and my love alters the things around me and the things around me alter my love.

 

Lord Byron to Teresa Guiccioli:

 

In that word, beautiful in all languages, but most so in yours–Amor mio–is comprised my existence here and hereafter. I feel I exist here, and I feel I shall exist hereafter,–to what purpose you will decide; my destiny rests with you, and you are a woman, eighteen years of age, and two out of a convent. I love you, and you love me,–at least, you say so, and act as if you did so, which last is a great consolation in all events. But I more than love you, and cannot cease to love you. Think of me, sometimes, when the Alps and ocean divide us, –but they never will, unless you wish it.

 

Zelda Fitzgerald to F. Scott Fitzgerald (round two):

 

Darling – I love these velvet nights. I’ve never been able to decide … whether I love you most in the eternal classic half-lights where it blends with day or in the full religious fan-fare of mid-night or perhaps in the lux of noon. Anyway, I love you most and you ’phoned me just because you phoned me tonight – I walked on those telephone wires for two hours after holding your love like a parasol to balance me.

 

 

spongebob

Via Giphy

 

 

Feature Image Via Pinterest.

40 Year Old Virgin

NSFW: These Hilariously Bad Sex Scenes Will Make You Squirm

The wonderfully named Vaginal Fantasy Book Club, a Goodreads book club “for romance genre books with strong female lead characters,” has yielded a truly great discussion thread of ‘Awkward and/or Hilarious Sex Scenes’ and you should read it.

 

You have been warned, though, this is so completely Not Suitable For Work, like, at all. If you’re in work or are too young to have a job, please abandon ship immediately. 

 

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40 Year Old Virgin Bag of San Gif Imgur High Quality

Via Imgur

 

“His man lance prepared for duty.” — Naked Dragon, Annette Blair

 

“In fact he keeps on and on ejaculating, there’s loads of the stuff…” — Too Beautiful For You, Rod Liddle

 

“…triggered his orgasm, which was not juice at all but a demon eel thrashing in his loins…” — Blinding Light, Paul Theroux

 

“He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my. I grip on to the sink, panting, forcing myself back on him, feeling him inside me. Oh the sweet agony… his hands clasp my hips. He sets a punishing rhythm – in, out, and he reaches around and finds my clitoris, massaging me… oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken.” — 50 Shades of Grey, E.L. James. Oh jeez is right. 

 

“He gasped at the thrill that ran through his body like wildfire. ‘You are a bold wench, Sabre Wilde. Are you bold enough to tame the dragon?’ ‘I’ll slay the dragon,’ she whispered wickedly. He lifted her onto his great manroot so she could finish her ride.”  — The Hawk and the Dove by Virginia Henley. 

 

There are more where that came from, and I’d recommend checking them out to, eh, get yourself in the mood for Valentines Day. 

 

I have a very fulfilling life 40 Year Old Virgin gif Via Giphy

Via Giphy 

 

Featured Image Via Sickchickchic.com