With the start of September comes a new semester of school. Not the most exciting time of the year, unless you’re Hermione Granger. Good on you if you’ve made the leap to educate yourself. It is indeed something many people desire to one extent or another, but for some, it is an absolute necessity due to a severe lack of intellect. To speak in layman’s terms, for those of you who don’t understand, some people are pretty dumb.
In honor of the start of school, we are counting seven literary characters who are very much in need of a good education.
Without question, Malfoy’s lackeys are in desperate need of schooling, together. The two would surely have to go to classes together as they are so lacking in intelligence separately they’d have to combine their minds, either figuratively or literally via magic, to pass any of their classes.
The man had goals, but not the wits to catch one particular whale. With a little more to learn, Ahab could greatly benefit from learning more about whales in Biology. That or he could go for his teaching license in Whaling. You know what they say, “if you can’t do, teach.”
Finding your place in the world is a huge part of school, especially in high school and college. At the very least with education being the central focus, it’ll prevent you from making undersea deals with strange old hags and running away from home for some pretty boy—or so we hope. Ariel could certainly learn about stranger danger if she enrolls now.
With an inclination toward mischief and violence, the twins would give any teacher a hard time. However, if separated and placed in the right classes, their bad habits could be turned around. Have them involved in a sport like football or volleyball, and on the side, fostering their apparent interest in poetry could help them to express themselves in more productive ways. Then again, going back to the chaos of Wonderland it would take much longer to find progress, unless they dorm that is.
School could have literally saved Ophelia’s life in Hamlet. When you’re with a really great teacher, you can be tested to think for yourself. Granted, in Medieval Times women were expected to follow the men, Ophelia being swayed left and right is a tragedy in itself. If she was given an education, then maybe she’d be more logical in thinking with her heartbreak over Hamlet. At the very least she could have benefited from swimming classes.
In spite of how smart of a scientist he was before his grave-robbing began, Dr. Frankenstein realized only at the end how much of a fool he was to try and play God. Even then, he still did not understand that he is no hero in this tale of horror.
Victor may not need to go back to the basics of Science, but he ought to register in several classes on Ethics as soon as he can.
Once upon a time, we reported that Draco Malfoy himself, Tom Felton, had attended the opening at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando and joined AOL’s In The Know for a game of ‘Fact or Fanfiction?’ and, in the standout moment from the Q and A, Tom Felton was asked: What did he think of Draco’s relationship to Harry Potter?
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Now anyone with even a passing glance to the franchise would see Draco and Harry a simple rivalry, a tale for the ages, but Tom Felton said, I’m quoting AOL here, “Harry was constantly crushing on Draco…He just couldn’t hide it.”
Let’s look at the facts:
Draco and Harry do definitely have some tension going on.
Image Via Youtube
With this in mind we’ve decided to give you, dear readers, twelve literary couples that happened in an alternative universe. Taking twenty-four characters from all across literature, from different book series to classic standalone novels (copyright be damned!), we’ve compiled these characters into eleven distinct (and surely steamy) relationships that would have totally worked out…for the characters, at least. Trust us, we’re chemists here.
No more sparkling vampires, now Twilight‘s Bella Swan is getting an upgrade. Let’s face it: There’s a reason Bram Stoker called this novel Draculaand not Harker. Dracula’s got style, he’s got nice clothes, he’s not charm oozing from everyone pore.
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Heck, if Bella says “No, I’m married” then I’m asking Dracula out to get a nice love bite.
Far before Twitter decided to give us the #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend fan campaign, we had the comic books. See Bucky died, Steve Rogers became a Commie smasher, and then the Commie smasher was retconned, and then the real Steve Rogers was thawed out from the ice.
Image Via The Mary Sue
But Bucky remained dead, and Steve was inconsolable in his grief over his best friend and partner in crime throughout the decades of Captain America comics. In fact, it was one of the most foremost elements of his character
Fans looked at this and took the small hop and believed that Steve’s profound sense of loss than met the eye
So Bucky came back. In fact, he came back as the Winter Soldier in a comic book called The Winter Soldier, and ever since then we’ve been clamoring for Steve and Bucky to get a little closer.
They’re perfect for each other. The two buddies have been with each other since the beginning and will continue to stay together “until the end of the line”. They’re both “men out of time” from 1930s Brooklyn and are war buddies with great rapport who totally get along. They have so much in common.
At least go on a date and see if there’s anything there.
We have Peter Pan‘s Captain Hook, and this man has been through a lot. Yes, he’s trying to track down and kill Peter Pan like he’s an animal, but Peter Pan is an animal! This boy cut off his hand and fed it to a crocodile. Wicked, evil, and savage beyond belief.
Gregory ‘The Man with the Pecks’ Peck as Captain Ahab / Image Via The Guardian
Then we have Moby Dick‘s Captain Ahab who, like James Hook, wants to track down an animal whose savaged ships of all sorts.
But would they be searching for these monsters if they had, you know, found each other? Could their killer eyes turn into ones of passion and love if they only looked into each other’s eyes?
We here at Bookstr call out in a resounding, ‘YES!’
Charles Dickens’ gave us Great Expectations, which us the tragic story of Miss. Havisham. Left at the altar as a young lady, she has preserved her house as it was on her wedding day and lived there ever since, shut away from the world. She has a heart of gold, but no one has treated it well.
Look at those sultry eyes/Image Via Pinterest
Harper Lee gave us To Kill A Mocking Bird, which introduced the world to Boo Radley. Our Boo has lived in a house since he was a child, hidden from the world, but he has a heart of gold, giving young Scout a jacket on a cold autumn day.
If these two shut-ins have closed their doors to the world, would they open their doors for each other? Boo Radley most certainly wouldn’t leave Miss. Havisham at the altar, and Miss. Havisham wouldn’t let our precious Boo feel unwelcomed.
Now this pairing might not be great for the world at large, but they would be great for each other. Both live in fantasy world, the authors who created them were in real life great friends, and both crave ultimately power.
While both skilled in the powers of magic, it wouldn’t take magic to get these two working side by side.
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Imagine it: the White Witch would kill all the lions and the hero in the land, freezing them in ice just in time…
Carlo Collodi’s Pinocchiogrows every time he lies, and he’s made of wood, so lie a few times and cut off the excess, and Voldemort doesn’t have to be called He-Who-Must-Not-Have-A-Nose.
Image Via Harry Potter Wiki – Fandom
Yes, Voldemort is a racist and a tyrant who thirsts for power more than a camel thirsts for water, but Pinocchio isn’t the pinnacle of innocence. After all, there’s a reason he’s cursed to have his nose grows every time he lies.
Plus, if he and Voldemort got together, Pinocchio can use his nose for…
Prince Eric isn’t a good fit for Hans Christie Andersen’s The Little Mermaid. He has legs, Ariel is half-fish, and if she gets together with him then she has to abandon her family. That’s a bad move, Ariel.
Aw, he’s holding him / Image Via Pinterest
But if she wants to take a walk on the wild side and still remain in the ocean, she can always go with the shark from Peter Benchley’s Jaws. Call him what you will (I call him Bruce, but others have called him Jaws or Sharkie or even Craig), but he knows his way around the wide ocean and can show Ariel a whole new world under the sea.
Ah, they always say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but at least these two fish found each other. Maybe that’ll be the new plot for the new Disney remake!
Mrs. Robinson from Charles Webb’s 1963 novella The Graduate is trapped in a loveless marriage. She’s only married to her husband because she got pregnant and needed to avoid a scandal, and thus she hooks up with young Benjamin Braddock. But Benjamin is only into her because he’s bored. He doesn’t love her.
Image Via Study.com
Oedipus from the seminal play Oedipus Rex has a thing for older women. Yes, he didn’t know he was married to his mom, but she was still older than him. So maybe we can avoid the whole I-gotta-pluck-out-my-eyes thing and just have Oedipus meet up and see where things go with Mrs. Robinson. She’s old enough to be his mom, and that should be enough for dear old Ed.
This goes beyond the fact that ‘Katniss’ kind of, sort of, sounds like ‘cat’ and the Cheshire Cat is, well, a cat.
Image Via Scoopnest
For one, Katniss from Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games never really loved Peta. Two, Cheshire Cat from Lewis Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland knows his way around the block and would have helped her big time before, during, and after those pesky Hunger Games.
Plus, the Cheshire Cat is funny, and you know what they say….
A live-action film of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid is slowly starting production at Disney, with Halle Bailey playing Ariel and Melissa McCarthy playing Ursula. But that’s not the only adaptation of this classic story that Disney is making.
American television broadcast company ABC is developing a live event to air on November 5th in honor of the film’s 30th anniversary. The show will feature a live-action version of the story that also mixes in animation and puppetry to truly immerse viewers in the underwater world.
Moana star Auli’i Cravalho has been cast as Ariel, with Queen Latifah set to play Ursula. Jamaican reggae musician Shaggy will voice Sebastian.
The director of the live special, Hamish Hamilton, described the special less like a production and more like a celebration:
‘The Little Mermaid Live!’ is a celebration. We’re celebrating this incredible animated feature, and we’re gonna do it on the Disney lot. We’re going to do it live‑to‑air in front of a live audience in a room that we’ve created. So we’re going to invite anybody to come, both televisionally and real people, real fans, come to our Little Mermaid theater. In the middle of the room, we will have a giant projection surface, and on that projection surface we will play the feature. When we get to one of Alan [Merken] and Howard [Ashman’s] wonderful songs, essentially we will transition beautifully and smoothly into a world of live performance.
This exciting, live-perfomance experience will be airing just in time for the holiday season, giving us even more to celebrate as we wait for more reveals of the live-action film.
Swim into this news, Disney fans! A comic adaptation of Disney’s 1989 animated film The Little Mermaid, has been announced a week after the casting of Halle Bailey as Ariel the upcoming live action remake of the Disney film. The comic will retell the story of the animated film with the classic designs that you doubtlessly remember from childhood. According to The Hollywood Reporter the series will be released by Dark Horse Comics. The series will be adapting the animated film’s story, which is based on the fairytale by Hans Christian Andersen, very closely but through Ariel’s eyes, allowing us a more intimate look at the events strictly from her POV. The aim of the series will be to truly see what Ariel was thinking as she deals with finding true love, grappling with her father King Triton, and fighting against the evil sea-witch Ursula.
Image via The hollywood Reporter
The comic will be entitled Disney: The Little Mermaid and will be launching as a three issue limited series. The series will be written by Cecil Castelluci, with artwork by Zulema Scotto Lavina. Castelucci’s previous writing credits include the critically acclaimed Soupy Leaves Home, as well as other comics such as The P.L.A.I.N. Janes, Female Furies, and Shade: The Changing Girl. She has previous experience working on a Disney adaptation comic, having written Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, which also told the classic animated film’s story from Snow White’s point of view.
Image Via Amazon
The comic will be launching October 16th, doubtlessly building hype for the upcoming live action film in the future. Are you excited to revisit the sea and all the denizens within in comic form? Tell us in the comments! In the meantime, you can revisit the original animated film or even better, read the story it was based on! But be warned, it’s a little darker.
The Little Mermaid is getting the live reboot so many other Disney classics have seen over the years, like Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King. This one in particular, however, is causing some controversy with the casting of Halle Bailey, R&B singer, as Ariel. I wonder if everyone so upset with the casting knows the roots of the story. It isn’t just a sweet fairy tale where the princess falls in love with a prince and everyone lives happily ever after. The original tale written in 1837 is much darker and has a deeper connection with Hans Christian Andersen’s life.
Before penning The Little Mermaid, Andersen had fallen in love with a man of much higher class, Edvard Collin. Andersen was attracted to both men and women according to many biography writers, but he was pining for this one man in particular. Collin never returned Andersen’s affections, actually bothered by the special attention that Andersen had paid him and one of his sisters. Collin ended up marrying a woman, and it broke Andersen’s heart. The Little Mermaid became his love letter to Collin.
image via heroic hollywood
In fact, Andersen’s story and that of Ariel are actually quite similar, both tales of unrequited love. Like Andersen, Ariel falls in love with a prince, but she is a mermaid and can’t just walk up to him and tell him. She has no legs! So she sells her voice to a sea witch in exchange for legs and the ability to walk on land to get the prince to fall in love with her. In both Andersen’s original story and Disney’s animated version, the prince does love another woman. In the Disney tale, it is the sea witch, Ursula, who is overcome by Ariel and her animal friends. Ariel gets her prince in the end. In the original tale, the other woman is just another woman. With no voice to express her feelings, something highly symbolic of Andersen’s situation, the prince marries someone else. Ariel, distraught, cries so much she turns into sea foam.