On a personal level, I could be more broken up about it being 45 every day in NYC, but there is definitely something not in the spirit of things. Since this winter’s been so warm, get your fix of snow and frost with these books about deep winter.
Winterwood – Shea Ernshaw
We have witches! We have winter choked woods! Actually, witch might be a stretch, but there’s something wrong in the Winterwood, and Nora Walker might have to find it. When a boy comes out of the woods alive after a brutal snowstorm, its secrets become too important to ignore.
Shiver – Maggie Stiefvater
We’ve got another forest, yall, but I admit I’m a sucker for them. Every winter Grace watches the wolves in the woods behind her house, feeling she understands them. They end up being more connected than she could have possibly imagined, and she’s drawn further into their world of curses and winter.
The Bear and the Nightingale – Katherine Arden
Vasilisa has always seen things and other people don’t, but is especially fascinated with the ice demon Frost. When her new stepmother forbids the traditions that appease and strengthen the spirits of the land, it’s up to Vasilisa and the things only she can know to save their crops, their community, and all their lives.
East – Edith Pattou
Rose war wilder than her sisters since birth, and despite her mother’s efforts, can’t be kept from adventure. When a white bear promises her family prosperity if he can take her away, she agrees easily. But the bear is more than he appears, and running away into the cold was barely the beginning.
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe – C. S. Lewis
Image via Seven Miles of Steel Thistles
A classic, but always worth a reread. In a land held in eternal winter by the terrifying White Witch, four children discover a grand destiny and an opportunity to save a world, even if it’s not their own. If you haven’t read it, you absolutely must, and if you have, you still probably should.
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But first, let’s set up one rule: all of the monsters on this list have to be fictional. No non-fiction real people. No, “I read a book on Manson and he was evil so why is he not on this list?” No. All these people are fiction, figments of an author’s imagination.
With that said, let’s start off with:
Image Via Lemony Snicket Wiki – Fandom
I have nothing against children (that’s a lie), but she’s just plain EVIL! From the first pages of A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Austere Academy, you know this girl is trouble, and she is. Duncan and Isadora, two orphans already at the academy, are forced to live in a shack due to not having parents or guardians to sign the permission slip for the dorms. Carmelita begins referring to their shack as the Orphans Shack.
And that’s before our trio, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, make their way into the story.
When she and Violet have the same class, Carmelita takes it upon herself to poke Violet with a stick and whisper “orphan” every few minutes. Plus, she takes it upon herself to remind the orphans that, well, they’re orphans. Even worst, she calls them “cakesniffers!”, a confusing but still ultimately insulting jab at their…lack of cake?
Image Via Pinterest
Come The Slippery Slope, Carmelita meets Olaf and Esmé Squalor face to face. Without a second thought, she abandons her parents and becomes their child.
Think about it. Her parents sent her to Prufrock Preporatory, a boarding school. I know rich people send most of their kids away for boarding school, but this just stinks that her parents don’t even like Carmelita, and honestly, who could blame them?
When Olaf and Esmé have our trio in their grasp they discuss which Baudelaire to leave alive for the fortune, and Carmelita suggests keeping Violet so they can tie her hair to things.
In the Grim Grotto, Olaf shows his human side with his annoyance at this little monster. Who can blame him? Every moment she’s on the page she just shows off how bratty she is.
You’re a cakesniffer and she eats cake! / Image Via Lemony Snicket Wiki – Fandom
Come The Penultimate Peril we’re on Olaf’s side when he abandons her and Esmé, since Esmé refuses to discipline the girl and Carmelita needs to be taken out back and shot Old Yeller-style.
What does Carmelita do next? She submits a book about how wonder she is to be used as evidence in a potential trial against Count Olaf and the Baudelaires.
Disloyal, wicked, and evil, Carmelita is a true monster. Don’t beleive me yet? Here’s the song she sings over and over again in The Grim Grotto:
C is for ‘cute’
A is for ‘adorable’!
R is for ‘ravishing’!
M is for ‘gorgeous’!
E is for ‘excellent’!
L is for ‘lovable’!
I is for ‘I’m the best’!
T is for ‘talented’!
and A is for ‘a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian’!
Now let’s sing my whole wonderful song all over again!
10-The White Witch
Image Via Wikipedia
The main antagonist of The Magician’s Nephew and of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Jadis is cold hearted demon. Not only did she murder God (Aslan), she enslaved Narnia to a thousand year winter. That wouldn’t be so bad, trees do annoy me, but she made it so it’s never Christmas but always winter.
To make it worse, she persuaded Edmund to turn against his friends with Turkish delight.
I have the right mind to call Jadis Judas.
IMage Via A Wiki of Ice and Fire – Westeros.org
This is hard, considering a lot of the characters in A Song of Ice and Fireare terrible people, but I say Tywin takes the cake. Yes, Joffrey is a psychopath, but Tywin is worse. Here’s why:
He emotionally abuses Tyrion
He uses Cersei as a brood mare
He sends The Mountain off and “didn’t know” that the Mountain would rape/kill Elia Martell and bash her two baby children against the wall.
Worst of all, Tywin is a perfectly rational person. This isn’t an issue of “bad genes” or anything like that. He was disrespected as a child, and thus he intends to never be disrespected again. Now that he’s an adult with the power he always dreamed of, he hasn’t stopped. He’s not bloodthirsty, he’s apathetic. Family is everything, and he won’t stop until he holds all the power over Westeros, no matter what the cost.
Image Via Birth.Movies.Death
I know he’s a vampire and that might be a good excuse for biting people, but going strictly off the Bram Stoker’s Dracula, The Count is kind of a monster. Yes, he has to suck blood, but I’m not going to hold that against him. At his core he’s a predator. There’s no right or wrong that comes into play here because when you need to eat, you need to eat.
So he is even on this list? Well, let’s look at what he does…
He imprisoned Jonathan Harker.
He impersonated Harker so he could commit heinous crimes in his name, despite the fact he can transform and quickly get away, not impersonation required
He slaughtered an entire ship full of men.
He preyed on Mina just to hurt Jonathan and her family
Dracula doesn’t just feed because he needs to feed, he revels in his predator status just to terrify his prey because he finds it amusing. He’s like a shark that tells you, “I’m going to eat you whole and you’re going to want to scream but you’ll be suffocating as you slide down my throat”.
Dracula takes it a one step, and a couple more, from what his nature requires.
IMAGE Via ArtStation
Morgoth, Melkor, he’s known by several different names, but either way he’s a monster. We learn that in The Silmarillion that, after falling from glory, Morgoth corrupted all those in his wake. You think Sauron is bad? Sauron works for this monster.
It was only when Morgoth, after declaring war against the Elves and Men and slaughtering much of them during the First Age, that he was bound in chains and thrown into the void, leaving Sauron to trouble the world, as we see in The Hobbit and the Lords of the Ring trilogy.
Image Via Men of the West, Youtube
Worst of all, according to a prophecy, Morgoth will rise again.
Morgoth, Melkor, whatever you want to call him, he’s the OG monster in Tolkien’s leafy universe.
Image Via McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
In a world where everyone doesn’t listen to each other and people are routinely mistaken for others, Patrick Bateman fades into the background, and he loves that fact. But, subconsciously or otherwise, he leads a double life as a murderer.
Wealthy, materialistic, this Wall Street investment banker does less time working and more time going to parties. Plus, he tortures women and poor people and gays and children. Or maybe he doesn’t, it’s left very vague whether all his killings are actually happening.
She eats it, calling it minty. Twist! Since he doesn’t like his girlfriend very much, he given her a chocolate covered urinal cake.
Image Via Metro
Real or imaginary, that’s…uh…ewwwww
Image Via Bungalower
Annie Wilkes is the scariest character Stephen King ever created. Obsessive, psychotic, and worst of all…human.
She only appeared in Misery, and she certainly made an impression. The embodiment of every obsessive fan out there, Annie finds popular writer Paul Sheldon after a car crash. So she kidnaps him, ties him to a bed, and refuses to let him go until he writes a book. Paul is forced to indulge her every whim lest there be tragedy consequences.
When he tires to escape, he chops off his foot with an ax and cauterizing his ankle with a blowtorch. When his typewriter breaks down, she cuts off his thumb with an electric knife. When a state trooper comes to her house, she runs him over with her riding law mower.
Image Via Inverse
The titular character of Fifty Shades of Grey, Christian is abusive, emotionally unstable, and an all around prick who the author doesn’t think is problematic any way.
For one, he claims he’s in BDSM but in reality he just likes hurting women who have brown hair. Like his mom “the crack whore”. When Ana tells him she’s a virgin, he stomps around the room before deciding that he has to ‘take care of it’.
Yes, he was abused by an older woman, but he refuses to say she did anything wrong. Not only does he refuse to say she did anything wrong, but you better not tell him he’s wrong or else…
Not the monster, the doctor who created him. This scientist is the true monster of the story.
After creating life itself, Victor looks upon his creation and sees something that is clearly not human. He sees something breathing, thinking, alive, but less than perfect, and so he rejects it, shuns it from the world.
Image Via Owlcation
The creature seeks revenge against him, but are we to blame the creature? Forced away from the one who gave it life into an unforgiving world, the creature could not thrive, only survive. His vengeance is not just wrath, it’s justice for the mistakes Victor has created.
While he regrets creating the creature, Victor does not look upon the creature with understanding. Instead he calls the creature ‘fiend’ or ‘demon’ and pursues him to the Arctic, intend to kill it. He falls through the ice and dies, warning other not to meddle with life, but failing to teach them the lesson of empathy.
Humbert Humbert uses language to seduce the readers, and he almost succeeds. But lest we forget: he’s a pedophile, obsessed over a girl he calls Lolita. That’s why the book is called Lolita.
For the record, her real name is Dolores.
Back to Humbert. He marries a woman to get closer to his daughter and, once the woman dies, he kidnaps her.
The worst of it is that Humbert Humber makes himself a sympathetic pedophile. He criticizes the vulgarity of American culture, establishing himself as an intellectual, and considers his sexuality to be a sign of his culture.
A monster, if I ever saw one, but nothing compared to our number one pick…
Image Via AMazon
“The Judge” appears Blood Meridian very early on. We’re following the kid who goes to a revival meeting when a man bursts into the tent and tells the crowd that the preacher up on stage isn’t a real preacher, but a man wanted in three states.
The man who burst into the tent is “The Judge” and you might not know it, but he’s one you have to watch out for.
But compared to the illiterate drunken rapists surrounded you, the Judge is a breath of fresh air. Just look at that first scene! He showed everyone who that ‘preacher’ truly was. He has morals.
If you think about it, that means you’ve put your trust into this monster.
Image Via PInterest
You see, when the Judge burst into that tent he saw the kid. He didn’t just look at him, he saw into his soul. That’s good. Cormac McCarthy never says who the Judge exactly is, if he has gone mad, but if they told me he wasn’t human, if they told me he was the personification of evil, I’d believe it.
Image Via Texas Hill Country
Featured Image Via Youtube Channel Men of the West, Texas Hill Country, and Wikipedia
Tolkien and Lewis were both in residence at Oxford for many years, studying and teaching both. They were also close friends, even though they disagreed on almost everything. Sure, they had a shared interest in language, and in what we now call fantasy, but they disagreed on religion, and on the tones of their books. There are also a lot of stories about their friendship, few confirmed, but all amazing. Here are our favorites!
1. The Lamppost
Image via Dissolve
There’s a story that says Lewis specifically put the lamppost in Narnia because Tolkien said a good fantasy story would never have one. The sheer pettiness. What an icon. No fantasy story would have a lamppost? Well this one does! Please, TELL Lewis what his story can have. There’s no slowing him down. A lesson in spite we should really all take to heart.
Image via IOL
Tolkien was, as well as being a linguist and historian, quite Catholic, and Lewis found his philosophical suggestions appealing, becoming religious himself. Tolkien didn’t get what he wanted, though, because though Lewis became more religious, he was Protestant, and Tolkien didn’t at all appreciate how much religion was in Lewis’ books. Kinda played himself.
3. The Draft
Image via The Creative Penn
Apparently when Lewis first read his draft of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe to Tolkien and a croup of friends, Tolkien hated it. He thought it was terrible and combined too many mythologies. He wanted more consistent world building, and I don’t have a good source for this, but I’ve heard he even told Lewis to stop writing.
It truly is a wonderful world where we can collective say that today, April 9th, is National Unicorn Day. These mythical creatures have floated around in our popular consciousness since the time of the Ancient Greeks and have continued to stay in our culture. Remember this?
It was delicious. So, in honor of these honored creatures that have both shaped and been shaped by our shared culture, let’s look at the 5 unicorns that been galloped pop culture.
Let’s get serious now. A war is raging. The Evil White Witch is leading an attack against Aslan and, for the sake of all of Narnia, Aslan needs all the help he can get. Of course Unicorns join this great battle in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Image Via Gavin Ortlund
But when Aslan needs everything to join him in the terrifying climax in The Last Battleagainst the devil God Tash, and with everyone from Eustace Scrubb to Lucy Pevensie, of course the unicorns are back.
“Dear King,” said the Unicorn, “I could almost wish you had, so that I might forgive it. Farewell. We have known great joys together. If Aslan gave me my choice I would choose no other life than the life I have had and no other death than the one we go to.”
This book is no joke. In fact, it might save your life. Released on, February 14th, 2017 the information this book provides is so valuable that I can’t believe we’ve survived as a species this long without this crucial knowledge.
I’ve dilly-dallied enough. Ame Dyckman teams up with illustrator Liz Climo to create this laugh-out-loud hilarious book, You Don’t Want a Unicorn. It’s a cautionary tale taken to the extreme, asking us the hard hitting questions like: Are unicorns magical delight incarnate or are they a mythological menace?
Image Via Amazon
With images of a unicorn getting its horn stuck in a ceiling after a gentle hop to cupcakes you can’t eat all over the house (don’t ask where they come from), you’ll laugh until you have tears down your face. You might not think about this book right after you put it down, but, like a boomerang, it will come back…
…and at that moment you’ll realize that this story actually has broader themes. From pets to children, this cute cautionary tale gives you the right amount of laughter and the right amount of fear all rolled into one pretty (and disarming) package.
Although a unicorn never shows up to properly stab Voldemort in his snake-like face, they do encounter each other. Unfortunately it’s in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stoneand Voldemort is on the back of Professor Quirrell. And he’s eating unicorn blood to sustain himself.
Thanks JK. Why couldn’t a unicorn get revenge on Voldmort by stabbing him? Or at least at one point in the book the unicorn could have gotten in a quarrel in Professor Quirrell.
First published on March 25th, 1968, the book is about a unicorn named Lady Amalthea who realizes she is the last her kind. Setting out to find her compatriots, Lady Amalthea. Along the way she picks up the sorcerer Schmendrick and the bitter but hopeful Molly Grue.
This may seem to be a lighthearted journey, and in many ways it is — after all, it is a young adult child’s book — but within the pages are universal themes that reach beyond the words themselves. The book talks about death, fate, what when to fight and when not to fight, and what doing what needs to be done even if you don’t want to.
Image Via Amazon
The novel deals with very adult themes, showing that unicorns can be used to express anything from purity to love to grief and heartache — in fact, unicorns can cover that cover the whole human spectrum of emotions, and that’s amazing considering they are usually just white horses with a horn on their head.