As Disney prepares to launch its new streaming service, Disney+, news about the various projects being developed for the service continue to come out. Now, a new show has been announced based on some classic Disney characters.
Disney and ABC will be developing Book Of Enchantment, a television show based on a series of novels by Serena Valentino. It focuses primarily on Disney villains like Maleficent and Ursula and how their stories interconnect in an epic fantasy world. Since the project has just been announced, there is no word yet on casting or filming dates.
Disney+ is expected to launch later this year. Previously announced shows for the service include Marvel series based on Loki and Scarlet Witch, a television version of High School Musical and the newest season of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Several movies are also being made for the service, including another Muppets reboot as well as an updated version of Don Quixote.
I love Disney movies. You love Disney movies. We all love Disney movies. But let’s be real, there are some pretty glaring plot holes in pretty much all of them, not that that’ll stop me from watching them. Without further ado, here are ten Disney plot holes that annoy the crap out of me.
1. Ariel has some issues. She’s clearly a space case who’s forgotten she’s literate, because despite signing a binding legal contract to give her voice to a space witch, she at no point attempts to write Prince Eric a letter, a word in the sand, hell, even spell something with spaghetti. The older I get, the more I relate to King Triton. “I’m sixteen years old, I’m not a child anymore!!!” GURL, yes you are.
Image via Buzzfeed, improved by photoshop.
2. Ariel PART 2. Moving past her silence, because apparently all it takes to win the guy then almost lose the guy then win the guy again is to be silent through your whole relationship. Mysterious works, apparently. Anyway. One of Ariel’s best friends is a crab. Yet here she is, totally Gucci with the slice of man she wants to sink her teeth in sinking his teeth into Sebastian’s fourth cousin twice removed, or whatever.
Image via Fanpop, improved by photoshop.
3. How come Hades doesn’t realize that Herc is STILL ALIVE??? The whole plan revolves around Hercules not being there when he takes over Mt. Olympus, so in true middle manager form, he asks his interns to do the most important task and never bothers to check their work until 18 years later when their half-assed attempt backfires and bites him in the butt. Also, the souls literally fly through his living room. He has no one to blame but himself.
Gif via Dorkly
4. In 101 Dalmatians, does anyone believe that Anita and Roger can responsibly take care of over one hundred dogs? Seriously, anyone? Someone needs to call Animal Control, because this is some serious Hoarders behavior.
Image via Disney Wiki, improved with photoshop.
5. Despite never meeting a White Man™ before, Pocahontas can magically speak English. I’d love a remake of this movie where every time John Smith says something, Poca just responds with “I literally can’t understand you, white boy” in Virginian Algonquin.
Image via Heroes Wikia, improved with photoshop.
6. Cinderella’s whole life goes back to normal when the clock strikes midnight, except for the shoes. Sure, sure, it continues the plot, let’s glaze over it. But like, the prince has to check the foot of every single woman in the kingdom? You’d think he’d vaguely remember what she looks like, or at the very least remember she’s blonde.
Image via DebtorDaddy
7. The Seven Dwarves are precious gem miners, and yet are so poor they have to live seven deep in a small cabin. I mean, I get living with your best friends, I’m doing it, but they can’t even pay poor Snow White for her maid services? Alllllrighty then.
Image via WordPress, improved with photoshop.
8. Aladdin’s first wish was to become a prince, which the Genie granted. Clearly Aladdin either wasn’t paying attention, forgot, or just doesn’t believe he’s really a prince, because he won’t shut up about how Princess Jasmine can only marry a prince. I don’t know how he forgot, he has the dopest song of the whole movie. It’s in my top five Disney songs ever. And the Sultan’s reaction afterwards, “Splendid!!! Simply marvelous!!!!” Yes, yes it is.
9. I get that when Rapunzel gets a haircut that the cut hair turns brown and loses its magical powers, but the hair attached to her head shouldn’t also lose its magical powers. I’m sure Disney and Tangled fanatics have a myriad of excuses, but none of them will convince me.
Gif via Giphy
10. In The Princess and the Frog, Naveen has to kiss a princess in order to turn back into a human. Charlotte’s temporary royal title, as her father was named the King of Mardi Gras, was only valid til midnight, and boo kissed the frog after midnight. Girl should be a frog herself, but that wasn’t how they wanted the story to go soooo.
Today a solar eclipse will pass over the continental United States for the first time since 1918. Anybody lucky enough to see the total solar eclipse will be in for a literal once in a lifetime experience. It will be tempting to look directly at the eclipse, but scientists warn that this could seriously damage people’s eyes.
Not everybody deserves to hear this warning, though. Here are some characters who actually should look directly at the eclipse.
For those unfortunate people who have yet to read Charles Portis’s classic True Grit, Tom Chaney is the central villain. He shot Mattie Ross’s father dead, which sends the precocious young lady on an adventure to avenge her dad.
Portis manages to make Chaney a near-sympathetic character, but he still killed Mattie’s dad and Mattie is awesome. Best of all, Chaney would actually be directly under the total solar eclipse’s path. If you happen to run into Chaney today, make sure he doesn’t know about those eclipse glasses.
Transylvania may be far from the United States, but Count Dracula could be on vacation in New Orleans or something. If so, maybe you can forget to mention that you’re not supposed to look directly at the sun. You can find a way to artfully omit that information, right?
Magic mirror on the wall…don’t even bother. If the Queen looks at the solar eclipse, she’ll damage her sight so much she might not even be able to see. If she can’t see, then any concept of who’s the fairest of them all will surely fly out the window. In fact, if the Queen looks at the solar eclipse the central conflict in “Snow White” would be resolved.
Claudius is one wicked uncle. First, he kills his own brother, and then he marries his brother’s widow. Woof. Once he’s king, his nephew, Hamlet, swears vengeance. If Claudius went blind, then it would definitely make Hamlet’s quest for vengeance easier. Assuming the eclipse happened before the events of the play, then Claudius’s whole dastardly scheme would fall apart.
Anton Chigurh, famously played by Javier Bardem in the 2007 Coen brothers movie, is essentially a force of nature. With his captive bolt gun, Chigurh acts less like a madman and more like a professional big game hunter. Any hunter’s worst nightmare is going blind. Let’s see Chigurh nail those crazy shots without his precious 20/20 vision.
In honor of the Walt Disney Studios Ink & Paint Department, the U.S. Postal Service has released a stamp collection of ten Disney villains.
The announcement came from the D23 Expo over the weekend, and was easy to overlook with some of the other massive announcements. There’s no better way to send a birthday card than a picture of Cruella de Vil.
Image courtesy of D23.com
The stamps are now available from the USPS’s online store here.