What is there to say about A Very Potter Musical? It’s one of the greatest works of all time. If you’ve seen it, you’ll understand, and if not, you should probably just go watch it right now. Not even to enjoy these memes better, just because everyone deserves to experience it. Anyone who likes Harry Potter, though, can appreciate the show’s genius, whether they’ve seen it or not.
Watching it the First Time
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This really captures the humor of the whole thing. It’s already there in the source material. It’s very close to the surface. And yeah, the Harry Potter books are wonderfully funny when they want to be, but there’s SO MUCH there that can be brought out. And boy does Very Potter Musical find all of it. They spent a full quarter of their budget on a giant chocolate bar. Go watch it.
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When I tell you that Malfoy is the best part of this play, I want you to understand how seriously I mean this. Voldemort tap dances. The sheer physical comedy, I simply cannot describe the genius. Half of Malfoy’s time on stage is spent rolling around. It’s genuinely dazzling. And I’m also pretty sure this is just cannon. Malfoy throws around his father a lot, but do we think his father actually cares?
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Listen. Listen. It may seem like that’s a bad name for a school. But like. Hogwarts. When was the last time we thought about that? Certainly not this decade. Maybe not this millennium. Also, this is another Malfoy thing, and you know how I feel about Malfoy. I’ll try and stop. But seriously, a wizard school on Mars? That’s basically the best place I can think of. Why did they throw sci-fi in there? Because they’re geniuses.
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This may be another Malfoy thing a little! Let’s talk about Snape. He throws his cape around, he takes points from Griffindor, and I think that’s valid as it gets. And look at that wig. Honestly I could just go on forever. If you think Snape sounds good, just wait until you see Dumbledore. He’s the absolute most, and I’m amazed all the memes weren’t about him.
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As someone who’s never had an opinion on Zach Effron in my life, boy do I have opinions about the Zefron poster in a Very Potter Musical. It’s so, so funny. Dumbledore would rather be defeated by Voldemort than destroy it. And Voldemort turned a poster of Zach Effron into a horcrux. They don’t explain this! Zefron poster horcrux. Of course. Makes instant sense.
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I know I know, half of you are scandalized, but today, on the eighteenth anniversary of the film release of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, how am I supposed to bring sorcery into it? Apparently american children in 1997 thought philosophy was for nerds. You know what’s for nerds? Harry Potter. There are a lot of ways to reminisce about the only movie where they actually wear robes, but we’re internet people second, here at Bookstr. I think you know where this is going.
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Alright, I was the same age as Harry when I first read this book, and not much older when I saw the movie, but what was Dumbledore’s thinking here? I admit I don’t remember all the details, but you basically can’t get into Gringotts, and you certainly can’t get out. And that’s under normal circumstances! They couldn’t throw another dragon or two in front of the thing? And let me ask you this: did they ever try dragons against Voldemort in the first place? I don’t care how much of an evil badass you are or whatever, what are you really going to do with ten tonnes of angry fire lizard in front of you? I know they threw dragons at children in the fourth book, but without warning? Please. I just want to know they tried it. And I know Hogwarts is supposed to be pretty safe, but even without all the later counter-evidence, I’d wonder.
Actually, What Did He Do?
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This is a dazzling take, obviously, and there’s a lot to unpack, but really it just made me wonder what Malfoy’s dad like… does. Sure, he’s a Death Eater, but not every second, and how much Death Eater work is there to do while Voldemort’s presumed dead? I know he’s very busy being privileged and racist and hearing about things Potter does, but what does he do the rest of the time? Just sit around the house being angry about things and making house elves miserable? For real, it’s never mentioned that he works at the ministry or anything. We really don’t know anything about how the Malfoys got so powerful, or about what they do now. It never bothered me before, but now it’s driving me crazy. I also absolutely love the suggestion that he invented toaster strudel. Invented it! It’s so random and so muggle centric. Priceless.
More Great Ideas!
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Alright, so you’re not allowed to go into the forest, because it’s STUPID dangerous, and you’d definitely die. Also, it’s even more dangerous than usual because someone’s going around killing and eating unicorns. Never go there! Wait, out after dark, maybe risking their lives trying to relocate an illegal dragon for the groundskeeper? Well, why don’t you do something even more dangerous for that very same groundskeeper? It’s like, oh, you’re smoking? How about some meth? That’ll teach you. I mean, I guess they learn something, but it’s not their lesson, I think the rest of the story can attest. And the second they’re in the forest, Hagrid is like, you know what? Let’s split the party. Best witch with me! Here’s my dog, try not to die. And then, not only are they in danger, but it’s literal Voldemort, running around in the woods right by the school. Who’s keeping track of school safety around here?
We Don’t Judge. Or Use Judgement.
Image via Inverse
Look, I know the twins are chill as it gets, but they really should have noticed this. Don’t judge, that’s great! But bring it up, please? Did they see it and go “aww, Ron has a friend” like, shouldn’t they know there’s noone named Peter in his year? They’re only a year or so above, and there are like five boys in his class, how would they not realise? Especially when this guy goes everywhere with Ron? I know what you’re going to say. Why would they ever actively check where Ron is? Well, if they want to sneak out of the tower, wouldn’t they need to know everyone else was asleep? And why weren’t they even a little worried any of the times Ron was just AWOL in the middle of the night? I know they support making poor discipline related choices, but he’s a baby, aren’t they worried? Have they ever walked right past him when he’s in the invisibility cloak? What did they think then, I beg of you?
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These nerds had their moments. We all like to talk about Harry, as we should. “No need to call me sir, Professor” was the line of a generation, and I like him telling Snape that Ron’s misspelled name is a nickname. They say a lot of stuff to Snape. But I don’t think Hermione gets enough credit. She has fewer moments, sure, but they’re absolutely metal. Remember when she bitch slapped Malfoy, muggle style? Your fave could never. And what’s Malfoy going to do, tell his father? Hi dad, today I was slapped at wizard school. It would never occur to someone who’s always had magic right there. I’m honestly just sad she never slapped him again. Oh, sure, she could outspell him too, she’s a much better caster, but there’s just such a big energy about hitting that dude in the face. Classic.
It’s Teacher Appreciation Week here at Bookstr and you should be appreciating the teachers across the world! Teachers face extremely difficult jobs, having to manage large classes and educate with often little reward. To showcase what makes teachers so special, let’s examine the teachers of Harry Potter, ranking them from the worst to the best. Now, this is just on their merit’s as teachers, not on them as individuals or people, merely on their skills in the classroom. Who are the best and who are the worst? Let’s dive in and find out!
10. Dolores Umbridge
Image via Harry Potter wiki
Holding the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Dolores Umbridge was unquestionably the worst in the series history, both as a professor (and a human being but let’s stick to the rules!) Despite her sickly sweet demeanor, Dolores Umbridge was appointed by the Ministry of Magic to oversee the school and her presence was instantly an oppressive one. A vicious bully and tormentor, she inflicted harsh punishments on her students for misbehavior, including making Harry carve the words “I MUST NOT TELL LIES” over and over again into his own skin! She also created a hostile work environment, expressed outright contempt for Hogwarts education system, and consistently challenged Dumbledore’s authority, which just made her a terrible professor. And she even refused to teach her students Defense Against the Dark Arts, making her outright useless as a source of education! Umbridge is unquestionably a terrible professor and not one you should admire. At all.
9. Severus Snape
Image via Potter talk
The Potions master until Order of the Phoenix and then Half-Blood Prince, Snape is now admired for his love for Lily Potter and for secretly protecting Harry during his time at Hogwarts. But there’s no doubt he was a horrible teacher, downright abusive towards Harry and exhibiting favoritism towards Slytherin. He bullies students constantly, especially Harry, Neville, and Ron, putting them on the spot with difficult questions and making them feel constant anxiety in his presence. It’s not fair for Snape to pick on his students as much as he does, especially for a grudge he should have gotten over a long time ago. While he may be a good person deep down, Snape has too many issues to make him a valuable teacher.
8. Gilderoy Lockhart
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Lockhart skated by on good looks, charm and blatant lies. Lockhart wrote about encounters with dark creatures, painting himself as a perfect hero, easily able to dispatch fearsome monsters the world over, but all the books he wrote were actually fabrications and completely false. This made him a useless educator when he was hired for position of Defense Against the Dark Arts, often making a buffoon of himself and skating by on the skin of his teeth. When he was asked to kill the Basilisk terrorizing Hogwarts, Lockhart attempted to flee, clearly showing once and for all that he was utterly unqualified for his job.
7. Horace Slughorn
Image via Harry Potter wiki
The Potions master, Slughorn wasn’t a horrible professor but he wasn’t a good one either. He generally played favorites with students, hosting club meetings for students who could pull favors for him after graduation. Slughorn put himself above his students, being more self-serving than anything else, but he was at least competent as a professor and gave Harry a more positive experience as a Potions professor than Snape ever did.
6. Filius FLitwick
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A supportive mentor to his students, Filius was a middle of the road professor, neither particularly good nor particularly bad. But he was always very nice to his classes, teaching them spells as best he could. Although not a massive presence in the books, what little we saw of Flitwick led us to believe he would be a perfectly acceptable professor, just not a particularly memorable one. Which, sometimes, is the best you can ask for!
5. Rubeus Hagrid
Image via Harry Potter wiki
The half-giant and beloved friend to Harry, Hagrid was a kind educator who had a deep love for the creatures of the wizarding world. He turned this passion into the official professor for Care of Magical Creatures, allowing students the opportunity for a hands on approach to caring for monsters and critters. He had a very deep knowledge of monsters, allowing him to provide his students with an intimate look at them. However, his deep love of creatures sometimes made him underestimate how dangerous they could be, resulting in a few potentially deadly encounters during his time as a professor.
4. Rolanda Hooch
Image via Harry Potter Wiki
A valuable teacher to her students, Madame Hooch taught her students how to fly and play Quidditch, a dangerous game that required a firm hand to prevent students from crashing or killing each other. Hooch was up to the task, providing a stern and competent presence who punish students harshly but encouraged them deeply for their successes. Under her tutelage, Harry became a very wizard of the skies and always stayed calm, even as she was being screamed at for providing calls people didn’t like as a referee during Quidditch matches.
3. Pomona Sprout
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Pomona Sprout is a great professor who doesn’t get a lot of screen time but her lesson plans and overall demeanor showcase her as one of the best teachers despite her limited appearances. She follows a logical profession, getting her students used to ‘easy’ magic plants before working them up slowly towards the harder stuff, while making sure everyone is safe and creating a fun environment at the same time with her hands on approach to herbology. She’s pretty great and we only wish we saw more of her at work in the greenhouse.
2. Remus Lupin
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One of the best professors and no doubt the best teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lupin heads the class during Prisoner of Azakaban. Very knowledgable in his studies, Remus Lupin creates a hands on atmosphere to the work he performs in the classroom, allowing students the opportunity to apply their skills in a practical, yet controlled setting, testing them against real dangers without putting them in actual danger. He’s also humorous, wise, and very down to earth, even taking the Hogwarts Express to get to know the student body better. Unfortunately, his one flaw is that he’s a werewolf and results in his eventual resignation. Although he takes steps to control his other side, unfortunately being a werewolf is a very serious risk on campus and although he never hurt anyone, he could have. Still, Lupin remains one of the best teachers at Hogwarts and a presence we to which it was incredibly difficult to bid farewell.
1. Minerva Mcgonagall
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Minerva is the best professor at Hogwarts, with a tough, no nonsense, and fearless disposition as professor of Transfiguration and Deputy Headmistress, the type of teacher who will challenge you but doesn’t play favorites and always is fair to you in the end no matter who you are. She loves all her students despite her hard shell, and only pushes them to make them excel. While many students are scared of her initially but learn to love her when they truly understand her. She’s a staple at Hogwarts during Harry’s time and becomes a true leader to the student body, just as beloved as Dumbledore. We love you!