Tag: riverdale

Bad Family: ‘Riverdale’ Recap

The Riverdale writers have clearly not been reading my articles because they still don’t understand that the show succeeds when all of the characters interact. They have a great ensemble cast, so why not use it? This is why the musical episodes are so fun- they are all forced to actually go to school and participate in the same things. And it promises at least one group number so everyone is at least on screen at the same time. But, no. Instead, we get subplots for each individual character. Yet again. 

Luckily, in this episode we get to see Betty and Jughead together a little more than usual (and Veronica and Archie, who have been kept very separate opposed to their usual constant makeout sessions). Jughead is rampaging because he believes that his grandfather actually wrote the first Baxter Brothers book and not Mr. DuPont. Betty and Jughead do their usual investigating and pretty much confirm that they are correct. When Jughead presents his findings to DuPont, he freaks out and basically threatens him. It can be assumed that Stonewall Prep had something to do with his grandfather’s downfall that they love to talk about so much. 

Even worse, Jughead’s teacher, Mr. Chipping, confirms Jughead’s beliefs about his grandfather, but cannot work up the courage to confront him. Instead, Mr. Chipping jumps out of the window in front of his students. While Jughead freaks out like a normal person, the rest of the class sits there humbly as if they are in on some sort of joke. This insinuates Stonewall Prep is hiding a lot of sinister secrets. DuPont then becomes Jughead’s new teacher which should be super fun for him. I wonder if Moose will ever come back…

Now, I am beginning to think that Stonewall Prep is going to have something to do with Jughead’s “death” later in the season. It appears that the other students and faculty at Stonewall are trying to target Jughead the way they did his grandfather so I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the cause of Jughead’s actual death or the reason why he needs to fake his death. 

Speaking of death, Betty decides to test her theory about Charles being a serial killer through a polygraph test after visiting Chic in prison to hear a story about Charles going mad and stabbing someone to death with scissors. The only thing she learns is that Charles is a recovering addict, so she feels pretty bad about the whole thing. She feels even worse, however, when following Betty’s visit, Chic decides to call the police and report a murder at the Cooper household. A murder that Chic committed, which he then pinned on Alice. FP and Charles go to cover the evidence that they had hit all that time ago and everything seems to be fine. That is until we see Charles visit Chic at jail, call him babe, and relate how FP brought him right to the body. Don’t you hate when your fake brother and your half brother start dating?

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Image via Daily Express

Speaking of siblings, Hermosa is still in Riverdale for some reason and she is causing a lot of drama for Ronnie. Despite her father being a maniacal murderer, Veronica still craves his approval. Thus, she becomes very jealous at the prospect of another daughter in on her turf. Unfortunately, Hiram moves back in with Veronica and her mother when Hermoine falls victim to Mark Consuelo’s abs. Can you blame her? 

Once Hiram replaces the creep painting of Veronica over his death with an equally creepy one of Hermosa, she decides she is done with her parents and refuses to attend their vow renewals. Way to go, Ronnie. 

Instead of attending her parent’s second wedding, Veronica uses her riches to help her boyfriend spruce up his community center so young boys would stop working for Dodger. Veronica buys some sick arcade games and offers free burgers and they draw a huge crowd. Of course, Dodger shows up to wreak some havoc. Veronica’s threatening glare and Archie’s huge biceps drive him away, luckily, but that doesn’t stop him from turning up at the end of the episode wrapped up in a rug and bleeding from the head. Looks like a classic whodunit to me. 

Oh, I should mention they find Dodger half dead after he pulls a drive by at the Andrews household. As if that family hasn’t been through enough. All I can say is I hope Molly Ringwald put him in that rug. 

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We already know that Cheryl has a crazy family, but they just keep getting bigger and bigger. Some aunts and uncles come to Thistlehouse to try to convince Cheryl to sell the maple business. For some reason, this involves seeing the chapel (where dead brother Jason sits) so Cheryl banishes them from her house. They keep coming back because they are Blossoms after all and Uncle Bedford actually discovers Jason. He begins to get physical with Cheryl. It’s a good thing that she has a girlfriend in a gang. He gets knocked out. She diverts her other aunt. Everything is settled for now. Oh, and she drowned the haunted doll that has been terrorizing her and the babies. Should be good now, no?

Is it too much to ask that anyone on this show have a normal loving family? Except for Archie of course. And they’re being targeted with guns. I think Jughead needs to get out of Stonewall Prep once and for all. Betty needs to trust her intuition because she clearly knows what she’s doing. Veronica needs to continue dissing her parents. Archie needs to protect his mother at all costs. And Kevin needs to be in the show more. 

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Spooky Season: ‘Riverdale Recap’

What is the point of having Halloween specials on a show where weird, spooky and strange things happen every episode? Now they happen in costume.

The most important takeaway from Riverdale this week is that Toni is the best girlfriend in the world. Imagine finding out your girlfriend was keeping her dead brother out on display in the basement of the house you two share and still loving her? That’s how you know it’s real.

 

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Image via TV Insider

 

Even after Toni convinces Cheryl to bury Jason again, her horrors are not over. A doll begins to terrorize Thistlehouse. Toni believes that Nana Rose and Cheryl are playing a prank on her—if Jason comes back, the haunting of his ghost through the ghost will stop. Luckily, Toni and Cheryl get all dressed up in their Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn costumes…just to host a seance with Jason. Nana Rose then informs the girls that the ghost is not Jason but a third child that Cheryl absorbed while in the womb. When the hauntings continue after Toni and Cheryl dig up Jason’s re-buried corpse, they think she may be right. I guess this doll of babies past will be sticking around.

 

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One thing Riverdale has always done right is their incorporating of classic horror tropes. Betty all alone on Halloween, Jelllybean playing silly pranks. Phone calls claiming to be the Black Hood. Loud knocks on the door. With Betty dressed as a character from the original Halloween, every small sound and every ring of the phone leaves you wondering.

Apparently, the phone calls were from Polly in the mental hospital, but she doesn’t really give much of an explanation over the phone. Either way, with small children dressing up as the Gargoyle King and the Black Hood, I don’t think Halloween is Betty’s holiday.

While Betty stirs at home twitching at every noise, Jughead was busy getting buried alive as some sort of Stonewall Prep initiation ceremony—you know, the kind that happens at every school. It seems as though the students want Jughead gone. Probably because his literary genius is so threatening and they’re afraid he’ll write a better sonnet. Sometimes a prep school brat’s love of Edgar Allan Poe goes a little too far and you just have to trap someone in a coffin. We’ve all been there.

Jughead also learns about the “Stonewall Four,” where four students from Stonewall vanished out of thin air one right after each other. Of course, Jughead doesn’t vanish. In typical Moose fashion, he is in one episode, gets my hopes up about a “Mevin” reunion, and then disappears. Yes, Moose joins the vanished lot, now named the “Stonewall Five” because Kevin (and myself) are not allowed to be happy ever again.

 

 

Speaking of Kevin, while his past lover was disappearing, he was getting reprimanded for vandalizing Mr. Honey’s office with Reggie. When you have no friends, these are the types of things that you get roped into. Mr. Honey realizes this. One of the best parts of the episode was Mr. Honey saying that Kevin’s top school is NYU (Violet pride) but quickly shutting him down (because Kevin can never be happy) and saying he will never get in. What a great educator. I’m glad to see Kevin’s storyline is finally picking up again.

Mr. Honey also blames Reggie’s bad behavior on his father’s abuse. To rectify this bold statement, he continues to be a good educator by vandalizing Reggie’s car right back. It’s hard to tell if this man is playfully witty with a good heart or just plain mean. He doesn’t have a great track record so far.

If you’re wondering why I save Veronica and Archie for last, it’s because I care about them the least. See? Full transparency. You won’t find it anywhere else. I have to say, Veronica’s storyline was pretty interesting in this episode. She keeps Pop’s open late for a weary traveler just trying to drive through the night to meet his family. While he finishes his meal, Veronica hears on the news of a serial killer on the loose who matches his description personally. This also mirrors a typical horror scenario. Since Riverdale kids are no strangers to serial killers, she gets away not without burning him alive first. Way to go, Ronnie…I guess.

 

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Self proclaimed hero Archie Andrews actually gets the suit he so deserved. We get the first mentions of the new CW Archie Comics spinoff, Katy Keene, in this episode when Veronica tells Archie and Munroe she can get costumes for them from her designer friend in New York. These costumes are skin-tight superhero costumes, of course. My hero, Archikins.

Our eighteen-year-old savior throws a Halloween party in the community center he has created in the time since the last episode to keep the kids off the streets for the night. Of course, a dangerous gang shows up who a lot of the kids in town work for. Things get violent, a child is shot, Archie is devastated, since he is personally responsible now for every bad thing that happens in Riverdale. After the fiasco and little Eddie turns out to be okay, Veronica poses an amazing suggestion—”Why don’t we clean up the streets?” I cannot believe no one has thought of this before! Veronica for New York City mayor 2020.

 

 

The episode ends once again with that looming plotline of Jughead’s future death. Jughead alludes to him going missing and Betty being the one to find him. Meanwhile, Charles listens in through the device he was using to trace the prank calls Betty got. Very creepy, bro. It then shifts to FP and Betty identifying Jughead’s body. Suddenly, this threat of Jughead’s eventual death seems a lot more real, despite Roberto Acquirre-Sacasa promising Jughead’s vitality before the season started. I trusted you, Roberto. Now I don’t know what to think. Also, Charles has clearly shown himself as a shady character. Can’t Betty have one family member who is stable? Is that too much to ask?

 

The answer is yes. Everything is too much to ask in Riverdale. We already know this.

 

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‘Riverdale’ Gets New Cast Member!

We’re still grieving the loss of  Fred Andrews on Riverdale just a couple of weeks ago, due to the real life passing of actor Luke Perry.
Image via nytimespost
Archie Andrews was incredibly heartbroken to loose his dad, but soon enough he will be visited by his uncle. Unfortunately for Archie, when it comes to the adults in Riverdale, they’re not always the best caretakers, with the exception of FP, Pop Tate, Nana Rose, and of course his dad. So this Frank Andrews might not be good news for Archie, especially since we’ve never heard of him until now.
According to Deadline, Uncle Frank has lived in the shadow of his big brother and did everything he could to stand out, which is why he joined the army. He did three tours of duty and now he needs a home and is struggling with his own demons.
Image via Cosmopolitan
Similar to his nephew, Frank has a temper and was football star back in high school. So maybe Uncle Frank and Archie will hit it off, or not due to their impulsive tempers. We will just have to wait and see what happens when Uncle Frank knocks on Archie’s door.
Uncle Frank
Image Via CBR
Riverdale airs Wednesday Nights at 8/7c on the CW. What do you think this new cast member will bring to the table?

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Money, Money, Money: ‘Riverdale’ Recap

So this week’s Riverdale starts out pretty normally—high schoolers have goals that high schoolers cannot accomplish. Archie wants to turn the boxing gym into a community center! But, oh right—he’s a senior in high school. It’s a good thing that he has a rich girlfriend and a lawyer mother. But, he could never accept that! Spoiler alert—he does.

 

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Image via TV Fanatic

 

In true Riverdale fashion, Veronica first insists that the hotties of Riverdale High host a car wash to try and fail to raise the funds themselves. After an inadequate ab-filled car wash montage (where Kevin’s shirt remains on to my dismay), Veronica’s inherited riches again become the only thing that can save the day.

Sadly, we bid adieu to Jughead as he officially becomes Forsythe in his new fancy school. Suddenly, something amazing happens… Moose comes back from the dead as Jughead’s roommate! He also can no longer use his street name and now goes by Marmaduke (which is obviously so much better), but no one at his new school knows about his saucy homosexual past, so Jughead must keep his mouth shut. Despite Moose’s attempts to suppress his sexuality, his reemergence in general gives me hope for a revival of the Moose and Kevin story line that was so sweet, but so shortly lived.

 

 

A new aristocrat, Sebastian from Glee type character, starts challenging Jughead—literary style. They face off in battles of metaphors and syntactic structure. Bret often forgets that Jughead is an actual former gang member, so maybe he should keep his battles to his stories.

In a backhanded way, Bret targets Moose to target Jughead by exposing Moose’s past. The one where Moose’s girlfriend gets murdered by the black hood and his father turns out to be the gargoyle king. So much for a new start! Prep school is so hard!

What’s going on with Betty, you may ask? Oh, nothing, she just has to negotiate with a psychotic, yet beautiful cult leader to try get her mom and sister back. Because, ya know, Betty can never catch a break.

 

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After demanding a quarter of a million dollars, fake passports, among other things, teen heartthrob Edgar Evernever releases Polly from his clutches, but not before securing her to a ticking bomb, which Betty has to then defuse—causal everyday stuff.

Betty then attempts to storm the Farm, but gets knocked out by Evelyn (what was she expecting?). Luckily, Betty and her mother are skilled assassins so they escape their prisons and help the Farmies escape from a literal suicide mission as Edgar puts the finishing touches on his rocket.

 

 

Betty manages to get all the cult members out as Alice confronts Edgar in his nifty, all-white rocket suit finished with his name embroidered on the belt. Alice just had to sully his beautiful, one of a kind suit, by killing him. Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of polyester? At least Betty’s family members are finally safe… supposedly. Betty and Jughead’s storyline ends with a mysterious video showing up at Betty’s door. What could it be—home videos? The Goofy Movie on VHS? We have to wait until next week to find out.

We find out quickly that Veronica decides against changing her last name. That is until she learns that Hiram changed his whole name to set himself apart from his father. Then, to spite him, Veronica changes her mind AGAIN and changes her last name to her father’s former last name. Veronica Luna. Got a nice ring to it.

Okay…I love Choni as much as the next guy, but if I found out my girlfriend was hiding her dead twin brother in the basement of the home we share… I would also second guess my affections. Luckily, Toni is very understanding so everything will (probably) be fine.

No matter what the Riverdale rascals get into next week… we know they’ll be doing it in stylish DC Comics themed costumes, so that’s something to look forward to, at least.

 

 

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Back to School: ‘Riverdale’ Recap

Finally. Here we go again. Back to school means back to absolute complete nonsense that I look forward to every week.

Ah, the last night of summer before senior year- how shall we celebrate? Oh, yes, let us all hang out as foursome for twenty seconds before we split up by couple to go have sex. Immediately after agreeing that Archie, Betty, Veronica, and Jughead need to slow down and enjoy life more. Why spend time with your friends when you can make out with your boyfriend while your friends make out in the other room.

We are introduced to a new character- the new principal named Mr. Honey. How sweet. Except, he is not sweet. He is indeed very mean. Especially to Cheryl and Toni who just want to throw a back to school dance even though multiple students go murdered at last year’s dance. Here at Riverdale High, murder does not affect our school functions and it never will!

Archie decides to take his prison buddy, Mad Dog, to high school with him with this year. No paperwork is signed. Mad Dog does not meet with the new principal, Mr. Honey. We do not know how much schooling Mad Dog has had in the past. However, he just waltzes into school with Archie at his hip and everyone is okay with it, except now he goes by Munroe Moore. How classy.

 

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Ugh, why doesn’t anyone at my school ever do their assigned reading?! I just want to make literary references all day long that people actually understand! This was my impression of Jughead, especially after he was scouted to attend a new school, Stonewall Prep, following his remarkable short story submission (which did not win). Jughead and Betty go to visit this new school and they IMMEDIATELY insult Betty’s intelligence based on her…overalls? These snobs have gone too far. Still, they actually care about symbolism and metafiction so Jughead is sucked into their scheme. Did I already know that Jughead was going to transfer schools before I started this season? Yes. Am I still crushed at Betty and Jughead being separated? Absolutely.

 

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Since Cheryl and Toni cannot throw another murder dance, they throw a party at Thistlehouse. Don’t go in the basement though because Cheryl’s dead brother is hanging out down there and does not want to be disturbed. If you have attended any number of high school parties in your lifetime, you know that this is the norm.

 

 

Now that Munroe has joined Riverdale High and the football team of course, Reggie and Archie’s bromance is in jeopardy. In an effort to make Reggie relevant and sympathetic as a character after Veronica broke up with him, they introduce an abuse plot point from Reggie’s father. Archie and Reggie make up after Archie stands up for Reggie in front of his father. No jokes can be made on this subject.

Now, it’s time to spend a little time thinking about Kevin⁠—something the Riverdale writers have never said. Arguably the best character on Riverdale, Kevin gets screwed over again and again on this show and it will never stop saddening me. I don’t care about fighting bears or singing Milkshake on top of a diner or cheering for a football game at a jail. The worst moment in Riverdale was when the writers allowed Kevin to be happy for ten minutes when Moose came out to his father and then by the end of the episode, make him move away. In the course of forty minutes, Kevin had his happiness handed to him and stolen away just like that. It angers me to this day.

Now, Kevin, fresh from a cult, has no friends and his “boyfriend” is still a member of said cult and the two must mingle in the forest to exchange pleasantries. Throughout the episode, Kevin starts to mend his relationship with Betty, which we all miss, and even joins Betty and Charles’ investigation into taking down The Farm. What started as Kevin feeding Fangs information in the woods turned into Kevin leading Betty and Charles straight to the source where Alice still remains undercover, working from the inside.

Maybe this season will come Kevin’s redemption arc. I just want him to be happy. And to sing more.

 

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Image via TVLine

 

Veronica is under duress because her parents’ trial is beginning and she must choose a side. Instead, she chooses herself, of course, and invites the press to her secret speakeasy to make an official statement about the court case. In true Veronica Lodge fashion, she has to perform for the press first. She sings “All That Jazz” from Chicago and it’s…not bad. I hate to say it but I did not hate it. Was it necessary? Absolutely not. Oh, and then she changes her last name to Gomez because I wouldn’t want to be a Lodge either.

 

 

If this episode wasn’t stressful enough, the ending again alluded to that fateful day where Jughead goes missing and the entire town searches through the woods for him. Now that we know he will be attending prep school every week, more possibilities arise as to what could have happened to him. Maybe he’s just at his new school and everyone forgot.

I don’t claim to be SparkNotes for Riverdale episodes. But, if that does exist, please hire me. I feel as though I may use a little too much snark for SparkNotes though. SnarkNotes, if you will. I really hope you will.

 

 

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