The back to school season is always difficult for those of us still enrolled in the education system, however we really don’t have it all that bad. And there’s nothing quite like books to make our lives feel just a little less sucky in comparison.
Here are ten fictional schools that we would never want attend, in order from least bad to the absolute baddest.
Image via Scholastic
There is no way in hell that Wayside School is up to OSHA code. It’s literally falling down.
Plus, none of the kids in this school learn anything. Sure it’s fun to muck around in class every once and a while, but these kids are learning math without numbers and being turned into apples by evil witch teachers.
Call me old fashioned but that environment doesn’t seem very conducive to learning.
Image via Pretty Little Liars Wiki
Rosewood High has all the average high school stressors. There’s sexuality to figure out, eating disorders to cling to, and teachers to be assaulted by.
But what really puts Rosewood on the map? The blackmail and murder. A lot of it. So, so much.
8. Thomas Ewen Consolidated High School (Carrie)
Image via imdb
This particular school is a bit different. It’s not Carrie’s school that’s awful, it’s her fellow students. Carrie’s peers relentlessly cruel, and the teachers don’t really seem to give a damn.
If you were to attend this school you might get a couple tampons chucked your way, which is pretty mean, but not deadly.
Definitely stay in on prom night though…
Image via Amazon
If you’ve ever toured at a boarding school or college, you might be familiar with schools like Pencey Prep. The website is sleek, the brochures are long and convincing, and the images all show students having the time of their lives sitting in class or enjoying their extracurriculars.
Then you get there and it’s raining, the classrooms still have those televisions on rolling carts, and there’s no clubs to speak of.
How phony is that…
6. Lowood Institution (Jane Eyre)
Image via WatchingJane
Jane Eyre is sent to Lowood Institution as a punishment from her cruel aunt, Sarah Reed.
If the starvation, cruel discipline, and threadbare clothes weren’t punishment enough, holding on to your best friend desperately as she dies of consumption probably fits the bill.
Students attending this school today are definitely gonna want to get vaccinated before the school year starts.
Image via Lemony Snicket Wiki
Prufrock Prep isn’t exactly… welcoming.
Among Prufrock Prep’s many dazzling features are the Orphan Shack where all orphans are forced to live, a punishment where being late to class means you are forced to eat your meals like a dog with your hands tied behind your back, and your grade in gym class is worth 51% of your overall grade meaning most members of Bookstr‘s audience would probably flunk out.
Ha ha, gotcha. Nerds.
4. Crunchem Hall Primary School (Matilda)
Image via Sony Pictures Entertainment
While Crunchem Hall didn’t last forever, it certainly left an impression on every child who read Matilda. I don’t even like to wear my hair in pigtails because I’m so irrationally afraid someone will grab me by the braid and fling me into the air.
They also just don’t look that good on me. I have a big forehead.
Also this school is literally shorthand ‘Crunch Them’ Hall. Who did that.
Image via Penguin Teen
I know everyone wants to be a wizard or witch, and everyone wants to hang with Harry and his crew, but Hogwarts is dangerous.
Even prior to Voldemort’s presence on campus there was a giant lizard monster in the basement, murderous mermaids in the water, and a backyard so deadly they had to name it the Forbidden Forest to keep students from going in and getting killed.
Some people might think I should’ve put Durmstrang on this list instead of Hogwarts, but honestly Hogwarts seems way more perilous.
Hogwarts became a literally battlefield at the apex of a wizarding world war, Durmstrang is just emo.
Image via What’s on TV
Realistically, you wouldn’t want to be an eighth grader at any school in this universe. You probably also don’t want to be a eighth grader in any universe, to be fair.
However being an eighth grader in Battle Royale means you could be randomly selected by the government to participate in a Hunger Games style fight to the death that lasts over the course of three days.
Now I didn’t love my middle school classmates, but I don’t want to murder them, and I definitely don’t want to be murdered by them.
1. The Rachel and Leah Re-Education Center (Handmaid’s Tale)
Image via Abbey Research
This school is where handmaids learn how to be handmaids. The women attending have their hands chopped off, their eyes gouged, and their tongues cut out as punishments for misbehaving.
Definitely makes detention seem like a walk in the park.
Featured image via American Cinematographers