In 1949, May was established as Mental Health Awareness Month. Throughout the month, individuals are encouraged to discuss mental health, challenge stigmas about mental health, and provide support for those with mental health issues.
“Your now is not your forever”. – Aza, Turtles All The Way Down.
I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I had no inkling of what was wrong with me. I was down the rabbit hole and it seemed like nothing ever would change. I stayed in the rabbit hole for a very long time. No sign of light. All I could feel was a coldness around me while I lay stark naked. Some days I still find comfort there. In complete darkness. There are nights where I feel like I’m the only person in the world. When I was drowning in my emotions, the only thing that kept me afloat was John Green.
John Green is a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me, he is the light at the end of the tunnel. When I didn’t even feel like getting out of bed, his books were what kept me awake. When I didn’t understand what was happening to me, I found solace in his writing that illuminated my life with the answers I needed.
I remember the first time I read his book The Fault In Our Stars. My mom got me a copy and I devoured it in 4 hours. I laughed, I cried, and the book was like the best friend I never had. The therapist that reminded me “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.” And the realisation that “Oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have.” It was a love story. But to me, it was what gave my life a new perspective.
I quickly looked him up and other books by him. This time, I decided to read him chronologically.
His very first book, Looking for Alaska is really underrated. It’s the one that pulled me out of my void. It’s the book that I keep going back to every time I spiral my way into oblivion. “You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” But at the same time, it gives you the strength to know that, “We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.” If I weren’t scared of needles, I would have this tattooed on me.
The best part about reading John Green books is that the characters are flawed just like we are. Just like his flawed characters are worth loving, it’s a constant reminder that we are too. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being worth loving despite the flaws. We are what we are, and in that we are whole. And chances are that when you are feeling what you do, you’re never alone. Somewhere out there is thinking and feeling the same. Even if they are just characters in a book.
Whether it is his first novel Looking for Alaska or his latest one Turtles All The Way Down, Green’s books teach you what it means to be human. How you can live your life in the best way possible. That your mental illness is just a small part of you and no matter what you’re going through right now, it’s not going to last forever. “Thoughts are only thoughts. They are not you. You do belong to yourself, even when your thoughts don’t.”
I wish I had read books by him growing up, as I came across them much later in my life. I love how all of his books have an element of normalising mental health. When I first read Turtles All The Way Down, I made a point to give a copy to everyone who was close to me so they could understand what anxiety feels like. Of course, mental illnesses show differently on different people but I finally had the right words for what I felt. “The thing about a spiral is, if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tightening, infinitely.”
But wait. What’s a 20-something doing reading coming-of-age novels? Aren’t these books meant for teens? NO! These books are meant for anyone and everyone who has ever struggled with any mental health issues. They transport you to a time where these issues are normalised. They make you believe that there isn’t anything wrong in feeling what you feel. And that’s exactly what you need sometimes. He saved my life. If you haven’t dug into John Green’s books, there’s no better time than now to start reading!
Featured Image: The New York Times
Here are five amazing books by stellar authors who share their own experiences of having a disability in celebration of the 30th anniversary of the ADA.
The first line in The Bell Jar is a hook: “It was a… sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.” The person speaking is Esther Greenwood, a smart, straight-A, dark-humored and, as the story goes on, depressed protagonist.
The book was published in London on January 14th, 1963 under a pseudonym Victoria Lucas, one month before the actual author, Sylvia Plath, committed suicide. People had to wait almost a decade for its publication in The United States. It is the only novel Plath ever wrote.
image via vintag.es
The story itself is a coming of age tale about a college girl who is figuring out what she wants and who she wants to be. She wins a contest to write for a “girl’s” magazine called Ladies’ Day in New York. She takes the opportunity and moves to New York for the summer along with a group of other young women, and they all live in a hotel/dormitory called the Amazon. This is where the book begins. The experience is less than Esther expected it to be. Her editors give her uninspiring pep talks, and her friends lead her into dangerous situations where she is almost, at one point, raped. She feels lonely most of the time. Upon getting stuck in a room where one of her friends, Doreen, is getting close with Lenny Shepherd, a man they met by happenstance one night on the town, Esther says:
“There’s something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It’s like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction – every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it’s really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour.”
It is with similes like this one where we get a deep look into Esther’s intelligence and ability to discern the truth about what it means to be young and still forging your identity.
A lot of the novel is about forging identity, but Esther’s identity is so tied up with her depression that she has trouble separating the one from the other. After New York, she heads back home to Boston and spirals downward until she finds a crawlspace to hide in, and tries to commit suicide. This lands her in a sanitarium. She is eventually sent to a private hospital in the countryside paid for by the woman who sponsored her scholarship, Philomena Guinea. It is there where Esther is really attended to for her illness. She is given insulin, analysis, freedom to go into town with improvement in mood, and is treated with electric shock therapy; all of it leads her back to wellness. How do we know she’s well? She says, just before her dismissal, “There ought, I thought, to be a ritual for being born twice – patched, retreaded and approved for the road.”
This novel also gave Sylvia Plath a way to confront sexism and convention. Throughout the pages, Esther mentions how many times her mother has at one point told her to learn shorthand. “The trouble was, I hated the idea of serving men in any way. I wanted to dictate my own thrilling letters.” Esther doesn’t know how to cook, either. She doesn’t know how to dance. She can’t sing a note. “The one thing I was good at was winning scholarships and prizes…” In other words, Esther succeeds at competing with men.
image via sylviaplathinfo.blogspot.com
Plath’s writing style can be interpreted as dark, but also as darkly comic, elegiac, honest, and nostalgic. “When I was nineteen, pureness was the great issue.” This is both a joke and an admittance. After Esther finds out Buddy Willard, her boyfriend, has already had sex, she is filled with resentment over the hypocrisy he embodies but also feels a competitive edge. She rejects his proposal. He is a fraud in her eyes now, and it brings her a step closer to knowing something about herself: she cannot succumb to promises of chastity until marriage. Esther ends up losing her virginity to some guy named Irwin she meets on the steps of the Harvard Library. It leads to a slight hemorrhaging mishap that lands her in the Emergency room; what she loses in blood she gains in experience and independence. She is even fitted for a diaphragm with the encouragement of her female doctor. “I was my own woman.”
Esther also ponders a life of wifely duties with children and husband as her primary purpose in life and she grows deeply afraid. “I knew that in spite of all the roses and kisses and restaurant dinners a man showered a woman before he married her, what he secretly wanted when the wedding service ended was for her to flatten out underneath his feet like Mrs. Willard’s kitchen mat.” While this characterization of family life may be exaggerated, Plath is pointing out the inherent gender inequality and unfair expectations society has for women.
Image via Lagan Online
The bell jar itself symbolizes Esther’s mental illness in all its stifling, alienating inescapability: ”…wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.” The bell jar warps reality, but there isn’t much difference, at times, between the distortion and the truth, as Esther discovers. On the day she is due to leave the hospital, Belsize, where she lived during her hospital stay, she wonders “what was there about us, in Belsize, so different from the girls playing bridge and gossiping and studying in the college to which I would return? Those girls, too, sat under bell jars of a sort.”n
If you’re curious as to how closely this novel relates back to Sylvia Plath, she did indeed have a guest editorship at a magazine called Mademoiselle. Philomena Guinea is based on a real woman, her literary patron named Olivia Higgins Prout, and Plath did try to commit suicide, and was sent to a hospital as a result. She even had Electroconvulsive Therapy just like Esther.
In 1979, there was a film adaptation starring Marilyn Hassett and Julie Harris. It did not do well with audiences or critics. There is a Showtime tv series (originally slated to be a film) starring Dakota Fanning based on the book supposedly in the works.
image via storenvy
The response to the book was positive, but Sylvia’s mother didn’t want it to be published in the United States because of the comparisons people made between Esther’s family and her own. It finally made it here in 1971, and fans did hyper-focus on the autobiographical similarities, though the NY Times gave it a positive review. The New Yorker’s review was mixed. In the end, it became one of the most influential novels of the 20th century.
Featured image via Deskgram
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Each week, Bookstr scans bestseller lists across the Internet to learn what people are reading, buying, gifting, and talking about most — just so we can ensure consistent, high-quality recommendations. This week’s nonfiction picks center around the theme of current best-sellers, showcasing what nonfiction books are the biggest hits with audiences! Pick these up to see what everyone is talking about!
5. The Collected Schizophrenias by Esme Weijun Wang
Image via Amazon
The Collected Schizophrenias by Esme Weijun Wang is a collection of thirteen essays that offer a new vocabulary and discussion topics regarding the perils of mental illness. The author, Wang, struggles with schizophrenia herself and offers light of what it’s like to grapple with one’s own mental sickness. In the book, Wang balances her own personal struggles with carefully crafted research, creating a unique experiences that will speak to anyone fascinated by the topic or fighting their own battles mentally.
4. The Heartbeat of Wounded Knee by David Treuer
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The Heartbeat of Wounded Knee by David Treuer examines America’s complicated and often disgraceful history with the Battle of Wounded Knee, the massacre of Native Americans by American troops in 1890. The author, a Native American who grew up on a reservation, examines Native American’s history with Wounded Knee and all the attempts to destroy their culture throughout the years. In doing so, David Treur finds that their culture has, while no thrived, transformed and created a unifying sense of identity culture that has resisted being wiped and in some ways, grown stronger. This is a profound read that showcases a people’s resistance and holding onto their culture through the turbulent years.
3. Maid by Stephanie Land
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Maid by Stephanie Land turned to housekeeping to meet ends meet after an unplanned pregnancy. There, she saw how mistreated the housework community was and began to write stories online sharing her experiences. Stories of living on foot stamps, uncaring government employees who refused maids assistance, and overworked, underpaid Americans who were struggling to meet ends meet. This book now explores that lifestyle, the lifestyle of what it’s really like to be a maid and shares their stories with the world. This book gives a voice to those who have none as it follows Stephanie’s journey and many others like her.
2. Make Scream, Make it burn by Leslie Jamison
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Make It Scream, Make It Burn by Leslie Jamison is another collection of essays, each offering varied, different, and thought provoking content. Among the essays featured is one about the loneliest whale in the world, the landscape of the Sri Lanken War, becoming a stepmother, and journey through Las Vegas in a. desperate search for the American Dream. Each essay is full of nuance and passion, each different yet related under a constant banner beautiful writing and connecting thematically. Jamison’s voice is impossible to resist and with emotional, intellectual power this is a must read.
1. Charged by Emily Bazelon
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Charged by Emily Bazelon is an examination of the broken American prison system. It examines the power prosecutors truly have, who control a case and are more liable to swing the jury over to their side in order to ‘win’ rather than balancing a fair system. They decide who lives and goes free, who lives and who dies, with all the biases that come with their decisions. This book follows two young people caught in the unfair justice system: Kevin, a twenty year old charged with a serious violent felony and Noura, a teenage girl indicted for murdering her own mother. The author follows their cases in detail, showing why criminal cases go wrong and showcaseing how the system can be reformed.
Featured Image Via Amazon