There's a full on royalty war underway in regard to Alan Dean Foster's books, Star Wars: From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker (a novelization of the Star Wars film, A New Hope), and Splinter of the Mind's Eye, (its sequel). Apparently, when Disney bought Lucasfilm in 2012, the checks stopped rolling in for purchases on the ghostwritten sci-fi works.
Star Wars may have started well before memes became our primary means of communication, but that hasn’t led to it’s neglect. Besides, with the prequels providing basically endless fuel, and some new screenshots from the sequels, we’ve got fertile ground for a rich meme harvest.
Please Never Describe Me
Image via Dorkly
Besides being spectacularly shady, this is relatable. Not because my father was flammable, in so far as I know, but because we all know at least one person who can’t describe people to save their lives. Ironically, my dad is this way. He once described someone to me who he expected me to locate by saying that they had dark hair and maybe a tattoo. Maybe a tattoo? Anyone might have a tattoo. And what’s Luke supposed to do, put out a classified craigslist add looking for anyone flamable? Alright, I know it’s not canon, but it really should be.
It’s True And You Should Say It
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He committed war crimes! He was a really bad person! Just wanting to peace out and live in the swamp is an incredibly understandable impulse, and I don’t think anyone questioned Yoda’s choices, but the prequels just HAD to explain, didn’t they? Plus, puppet Yoda was good. He was weird, sure, and I wouldn’t want him sitting on MY shoulders, but he was clearly a friend. CGI is an abomination. He looks like he’s going to glitch out of the screen and clip through my body, killing me instantly. Then he’ll probably do something weird like harvest my fingernails. No thanks.
Image via Quickmeme
Alright, alright, before you @me, I don’t actually think Jar Jar Binks is a sith lord. The guy couldn’t do even one thing. Who would recruit him? But when I bring up the theory, people get so mad! Sure, the prequels are awful (still don’t @me! It’s objective fact! I hate sand!), but the meta is outrageous. That’s why most of these memes are from the prequels. There’s really just an infinite number of things to unpack. The Darth Binks theory is great because it doesn’t make the prequels any better. They’re still ridiculous, convoluted, and poorly written (for starters). Nothing changes. Just… Jar Jar’s a sith. It makes you think.
The Chosen One
Image via Star Wars 7
God I love Luke, but he was just the densest, most useless chosen one on his planet or any other. Right at his face! You think you’d have these problems with Leia? I’m still mad my girl didn’t ever get to use her powers for violence, though the space walk was obviously amazing. Whose idea was this? They’re like, look, we have two Skywalkers, either could fulfill the prophecy. One is a polished diplomat spy with the guts to lie to Darth Vader’s face and the courage to keep going after her planet explodes. The other is the slowest, most confused farm boy you’ve ever seen. The choice is easy!
Since Someone Found Everything Else
Image via Killing Time
Seriously, they should be able to just slap it back on there. And when’s Rey going to lose a hand? At this point it’s just a rite of passage. I stan Rey hard, but if she doesn’t lose a hand, is she really even a Star Wars lead? Then again, maybe it’s just a Skywalker thing. Either way, can we talk about how everything that got lost in the first three movies is just around now? How did Maz get Luke’s lightsaber? How did Kylo get Vader’s helmet? Don’t ask questions! I mean, the Star Wars movies have always had so many plot holes, but these are weirdly back to back. She might as well have his hand too.
The Man is Swish
Image via Memedroid
Look, I like prequel Obi Wan. We all like prequel Obi Wan. I’m just saying that prequel Obi Wan and original Obi-wan are two entirely different people. Original Obi Wan is not without humor, but he’s ultimately a serious, dedicated man. Prequel Obi Wan is sassy, impulsive, and has a dedication to fashion no number of years or friend murders could dull. Look at this man! You’re telling me he was just hanging out on Tatooine, in the hills, without a drop of hair gel? That whole planet couldn’t contain this swagger. No hate, but they’re entirely different people.
The Real Reason Anakin Turned
Image via Memedroid
It’s not exactly a hot take, but the Jedi Order was messed up. I mean, for people with so many rules, they had approximately zero morals. Let’s tell people not to love anyone and then expect them to have compassion! Let’s break the Geneva Convention! Seriously, for such a supposedly great civilization, they were about 0% civilized. If he hadn’t murdered all those kids and become a space fascist, Anakin just would have been right. Honestly… down with the Jedi, and good for Luke burning all their manuals. You can be stabby without being authoritarian and colonialist and repressive. Get it together.
Featured Image via Youtube
Meg Cabot has a new spinoff book set in the world of “Princess Diaries” called “From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess: Royal Crush,” and that’s great, but have you heard the other news? She is writing a story set in a galaxy far, far away.
In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Cabot spoke of her contribution to the upcoming anthology titled “Star Wars: From a Certain Point of View.” She reveals that everybody’s favorite Disney princess (Princess Leia!) was a major source of inspiration for the creation of Mia Thermopolis.
The anthology will explore fresh perspectives in the “Star Wars” universe. When considering which perspective she wanted to inhabit, Cabot had this to say:
I’ve been them all, but I really wanted to be Aunt Beru because I just love her. I mean, first of all, she’s one of the only other female characters [laughs], which is a little bit of a problem — there’s not been that many other females. But also, if it wasn’t for her sadly, spoiler alert, passing away, you know, Luke would never have gone off and saved the universe. … I felt like she’s really an important character and never got to really be glorified in the way that she needed to, so, that’s my character.
There you have it. Meg Cabot is penning a story that will deepen Aunt Beru’s backstory.
It’s exciting to have a voice like Cabot’s join the “Star Wars” canon. Next time you turn on “A New Hope,” you’ll see a more fully formed character mothering Luke, and it’ll all be thanks to Cabot!
“Star Wars: From A Certain Point of View” hits shelves October 3. Order it here!
Feature image courtesy of Meg Cabot and Esquire.
As “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” looms like the Death Star over Alderaan, fans are itching for any information they can get. Del Rey Books has got us covered, though, with their new banner entitled “Journey to Star Wars: The Last Jedi.”
Image courtesy of Starwars.com
“Leia: Princess of Alderaan” by Claudia Gray is a coming-of-age novel about Princess Leia Organa. The story will follow Princess Leia before we see her receive the Death Star plans in “Rogue One.” Gray’s young adult novel will show how a young royal can become involved in a galactic rebellion.
Image courtesy of Starwars.com
“The Legends of Luke Skywalker” by Ken Liu will give fans more information on the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker between the events of “Return of the Jedi” and “The Force Awakens.” Entertainment Weekly describes this series of stories as having a similar structure to “The Canterbury Tales.” On their way to Canto Bight, a group of children share tall tales of the jedi master, but they may or may not be true.
Image courtesy of Starwars.com
“Phasma” by Delilah S. Dawson will be an asynchronous telling of Captain Phasma’s backstory. Last we saw her was Finn promising to toss her into a trash compactor at the end of “The Force Awakens.” Marvel will release a comic series explaining how she escaped that mess, but Dawson’s novel will provide more information on how she became a captain of the First Order to begin with.
“The Last Jedi” comes to theaters December 15, 2017.
Featured image courtesy of Vanity Fair