Having a bad day? Well, this will make you laugh. I guarantee that all you individuals with a heart of stone, who have your jaw wired shut, will drop dead laughing at these videos. I’ve compiled a collection of the funniest, craziest, book commercials that star James Patterson.
In each of these commercials, James Patterson appeared on TV to tell everyone about his book. Did he get them hooked, or did he get them laughing? According to these commercials, the answer is both.
11-Patterson Has The Black Book!
My favorite part about this commercial is that the ‘black book’ has a big blue fingerprint on it.
10-Patterson Doesn’t Make Idle Threats
The fact that this is a good book is second. Be wary all you Alex Cross fans, buy his book or else…
PS- I saw this on television as a kid and wanted to know why some old dude thought he could take on Alex Cross.
9-PATTERSON WASN’T MAKING IDLE THREATS
“Move over Alex Cross!” the book proclaims. Showcasing his newest detective, Patterson enlists the help of a man dressed in black and some scary kids.
8-Patterson vs Heroin: Dawn of Justice
Ever wanted to see James Patterson kick some heroin? Now’s your chance.
7-PATTERSON VS 1984
After defeating heroin, Patterson takes on a company that wants to take our privacy away. Little did he know, we’d give it away freely.
6-Patterson Will Make You Laugh… Or Cry
Some of the commercials are funny. Some are unnerving. This one is both.
5-Captain Patterson vs Captain Hook… Coming Soon?
Ever wonder what would happen if James Patterson was a pirate, who did bad jokes?
4-James Patterson and James Patterson
Close your eyes. Picture James Patterson. Handsome right? Don’t you wish there were two of them? Well, open your eyes and click on the video below!
3-Having Lost His Mind, Patterson Speaks To A Drawing
It’s a real conversation. The power of editing compelled him. Plus, he advertises two books in one commercial.
2-Patterson vs Vegas
This is how I picture James Patterson in my mind.
1-James Patterson Gets Scary
James Patterson enters some Stephen King territory with this one. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight…
Guys, can you do James Patterson a favor and go on his Amazon Link here and buy some of his books? He needs the money….
Along with the changing of the leaves come the dark, chilly nights of Autumn- the perfect setting for everyone’s favorite holiday, Halloween. Face your fears with this month’s terrifying Hulu and Netflix adaptations!
We’ve put every new release into categories and included the Netflix and Hulu release dates to boot! Click on the titles or where it says “book” or “novel” to either the watch film/show trailer or to purchase the original book!
It’s a pretty typical belief that technology stands in the way of our collective ability to read a book or maintain a five-minute attention span (insert edgy comic art of headphones strangling teens here). In fact, technology has lead to groundbreaking developments in publishing. Here’s another one—the world’s top bestselling author, James Patterson, has released a jaw-dropping thriller for Facebook Messenger months ahead of its print release.
Image Via Theverge.com
James Patterson’s latest, The Chef, is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride following a respected officer fighting serious criminal allegations. Set amidst the revelry and decadence of New Orleans’ Mardi Gras festival, this crime novel will give you cause to celebrate (only after you’re done biting your nails and/or staying up until four in the morning to finish). Patterson writes: Police detective by day, celebrity food truck chef by night, now Caleb Rooney has a new title: Most Wanted. Users can find The Chefby searching for it in the app—but that’s not the only exciting new development. Patterson’s interactive story goes far beyond words on a screen.
Image Via Techcrunch.com
Using the Internet’s potential to its full extent, Patterson has included sound clips and videos that connect with the story. This multimedia content will help readers to envision the novel’s thrilling locations and feel closer to its protagonists. There are also Instagram accounts for the major characters—all to enhance the feeling that these characters (and the dangers they face) are real and immediate. Best of all, the online release comes three months before the print version! Physical copies of The Chefwill be available in February. There will also be Live Q&A with Patterson during which he will answer all your questions—unless your question is how does it end!? For that, you’ll have to keep reading and scrolling!
Gif Via Tenor.com
Patterson, the world’s wealthiest author and recipient of the only ever nine-figure book deal, has made previous forays into the new frontier of electronic publishing—in fact, he broke yet another all-time record by becoming the first author to publish one million ebooks. Journeying into experimental publishing territory may be one thing that Patterson is not the first or only author to do. Recently, HarperCollins released the first ever Snapchat adaptation of a novel using source material from Suzy Cox‘s The Dead Girls Detective Agency. Still, it’s likely that Patterson’s multimedia breakthrough will be unprecedented in its success (unless, of course, it’s precedented only by him).
Sometimes publishers reject books for legitimate reasons, like if a book contains immature prose or an uninteresting concept, or if it bears too much similarity to a book the publisher has recently released. But other times, publishers reject books for simply ridiculous reasons, i.e. maybe The Great Gatsby would be better without Gatsby in it.
These five authors were met with outrageous rejections… sometimes with outrageous results.
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Editors famously pitched a pretty serious revision: “you’d have a decent book if you’d get rid of that Gatsby character.” We’re lucky that F. Scott Fitzgeralddecided to stick to his original plans—The Great Dissolution of the American Dream and the Harsh Reality of Class Divisions isn’t quite as catchy. Fitzgerald’s success story wasn’t a matter of delightful revenge. Critics lambastedThe Great Gatsby during Fitzgerald’s lifetime: “one finishesThe Great Gatsby with a feeling of regret, not for the fate of the people in the book but for Mr. Fitzgerald.” The critics were right about one thing—Fitzgerald’s fate was as tragic as Gatsby’s. He died from side effects of his alcoholism, destitute, at the age of forty-four. If not for the novel’s resurgence during WWII, the novel might have faded into obscurity. Thankfully, it didn’t. Today, half a million copies of The Great Gatsbyare sold every single year.
The Thomas Berryman Number by James Patterson
James Patterson got thirty-one rejections for his debut novel before his dreams came true. Well, “came true” is a bit of an understatement—Patterson is the world’s highest-paid author and the world’s foremost bestselling author since 2001. He recently took his success to the next level (note: there wasn’t previously a higher level) with a $150 million dollar book deal—the most expensive deal of all time. The Thomas Berryman Number is the first book in Patterson’s bestselling Alex Cross series, which now has well over eighty million copies in print. As for the publishers who rejected him, Patterson is blunt: “I keep a list of all the editors who turned down my first novel. Sometimes they send me books and ask for blurbs. Mostly, though, they’re dead.”
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
Herman Melville‘s initial rejection came with some unhelpful advice: “first, we must ask, does it have to be a whale?” If you don’t know—yes, the novel is about a whale (it’s also about an extended metaphor). The publisher followed that up with an equally unhelpful suggestion: “could not the Captain be struggling with a depravity towards young, perhaps voluptuous, maidens?” Probably not. The initial sales seemed to confirm skeptical publishers’ fears—the book sold only 500 copies. Today, critics view Moby Dickas one of the most accomplished novels of all time. The book’s enduring acclaim suggests that maidens just wouldn’t have cut it—even some particularly voluptuous ones.
Dubliners by James Joyce
James Joyce‘s Dubliners received a startling eighteen rejections, some of which are wild enough to spark their own novels. Joyce had an ongoing rivalry with publisher George Roberts, and their disagreements (read: their outrageous pettiness) lead to publication difficulties. When George Roberts asked that Joyce remove any references to the king in his short story, “Ivy,” Joyce wrote a letter directly to King George V and asked if the passages were offensive. (For some reason, the king was unable to comment.) When Roberts learned of Joyce’s financial desperation, he actively ghosted Joyce, ignoring all of his correspondence to increase Joyce’s panic. Though Dubliners finally earned publication, Joyce’s contract stipulated that he could earn no royalties until the book sold 500 copies. The book sold 499—and in typical outrageous Joyce fashion, the author himself bought 120 of those copies. Fortunately for Joyce, Dubliners is now an international classic and a staple of high school and university curriculums.
The Making of Americans by Gertrude Stein
In perhaps the most passive-aggressive (or possibly just actually aggressive) rejection of all time, one publisher rejected Gertrude Stein‘s The Making of Americans by directly mocking Stein’s writing style. In reading his review, readers can imagine which stylistic choices he found unpleasant:
I am only one, only one, only one. Only one being, one at the same time. Not two, not three, only one. Only one life to live, only sixty minutes in one hour. Only one pair of eyes. Only one brain. Only one being. Being only one, having only one pair of eyes, having only one time, having only one life, I cannot read your M.S. three or four times. Not even one time. Only one look, only one look is enough. Hardly one copy would sell here. Hardly one. Hardly one.
Many thanks. I am returning the M.S. by registered post. Only one M.S. by one post.
While it’s true that Stein became famous for ignoring punctuation, capitalization, and many other writing conventions, the publisher was wrong about one thing—namely, that Stein became famous.
Images Via Amazon.com. Featured Image Via Saleshacker.com
‘Riches’ and ‘creative writing’ are not words that many people would associate. Writers are far more notorious for their eccentricities than for their stackloads of cash. But just because something is unlikely doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. Writers can score wild book deals… and some of them do. In the wake of the Obamas’ $65 million book deal, it’s important to remember that the biggest book deals almost always go to celebrities for nonfiction works, whether those are exposés or memoirs. (For example, Hillary Clinton‘s Hard Choices sold for $14m, and Bruce Springsteen‘s Born to Run sold for $10m.) But for all the fiction writers out there… this one’s for you.
1. James Patterson ($100-150 million)
Image Via Express.co.uk
Genre giant James Patterson is easily the most bestselling novelist in the entire world, with 114 published bestsellers and 150 total novels. Patterson, author of The President is Missing (which he co-authored with former POTUS Bill Clinton) has earned his publishers up to $250m per year—over time, that becomes an unthinkably large figure. Just how much money is that? Well, the median home price in the United States is $200,000. $1m would then be the equivalent of 5 houses… so let’s just say Patterson could buy up the whole neighborhood. Patterson’s most stunning book deal topped out at $150m, when he agreed to write seventeen thrillers in a relatively short time period. Of course, many of his works are mostly not his own work—to keep up the relentless pace of his thrillers, Patterson is “more of a brand than a writer” with an army of co-writers.
2. Ken Follett ($50 million)
Image Via Wsj.com
With four bestselling historical fiction works already out there, Ken Follett was a sure thing for publishers looking to make an investment. His Century trilogy (Fall of Giants, Winter of the World, & Edge of Eternity) raked in a stunning $50m, the combined total of $16.5m per book. With Edge of Eternityclocking in at 1,000+ pages, it’s incredible that Follett’s work has reached such a wide audience. Follett describes himself as writing books for book lovers—and love is exactly what he gets.
3. J.K. Rowling ($8 million)
Image Via Vanityfair.com
For those of you who are shocked not to see J.K. Rowling topping this list, keep in mind that most of her ‘Harry Potter’ contractual obligations came together well before the series became a pop culture phenomenon. Rowling earned her place on the list (and her whopping $8m) with her first book post-Hogwarts, The Casual Vacancy. The crime thriller marked a departure from her established place in children’s fantasy, but it earned excellent sales… if also mixed reviews. While Rowling doesn’t have as large a net worth as Patterson’s astronomical $700m, she frequently out-earns him on a year-to-year basis. She once had the highest net worth of any author, becoming the first novelist to earn $1 billion from book sales. Thanks to her many charitable donations, she is now a regular millionaire.
4. Tom Wolfe ($7 million)
Image Via Rollingstone.com
Sometimes publishing scores you a hit… but sometimes, it’s a hit-and-miss. Tom Wolfe, now deceased, was one of history’s greatest journalists—genius Cat’s Cradle author Kurt Vonnegut said, “he knows everything.” Wolfe was most renowned for his Bonfire of the Vanities, a portrait of Wall Street greed in 1980s New York. His novel Back to Blood, a portrayal of ambition and corruption in Cuban Miami, caught the attention of the press—but not the attention of his readers. Wolfe gained notoriety when he left his publisher of 42 years for a $7m book deal… an understandable decision, honestly. Despite the advance, Wolfe’s novel only sold 62,000 copies—with some rough math, experts confirm that this means each copy cost the publisher $112. According to the numbers, that makes this a sadder story than Wolfe’s own.
Of course, this is a list of the craziest seven-figure book deals—it’s not a list of the world’s wealthiest authors. John Green rakes in $9m per year from his royalties, but the income didn’t come from one particular deal. It’s also significant that not all deals are publicly available. Many news outlets describe deals in terms of ‘six-figure’ or ‘seven-figure’ without specifying the precise amount. For instance, international fantasy bestseller Cassandra Clare recently got a ‘seven-figure’ deal for her upcoming adult fantasy series, but we don’t know the exact amount. Let’s not forget just how much money $1m actually is—with the median house cost of $200,000, just ONE million could buy 5 houses. Looks like this is how J.K. bought her castle…