Tag: humor

Is Your Dad’s Mid-Life Crisis like Don Quixote?

Happy birthday to Miguel de Cervantes! The Spanish author wrote one of the world’s most famous comedic novels back in 1605. To honor him and his work here is a quiz on Don Quixote that is hopefully as amusing as the book itself is.

 

 

feature image via “Don Quixote and Sancho Panza at a crossroad,” by Wilhelm Marstrand, 1847, Nivaagaard Museum, Denmark
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Bookstr Talks: Bess Kalb

Bookstr spoke with Bess Kalb, an Emmy Award-nominated writer, who has written for Jimmy Kimmel Live!, The New Yorker, and the Oscars, to name but a few. This year, Kalb’s book Nobody Will Tell You This But Me: A True (As Told to Me) Story, recounting the life of her grandmother, Bobby Bell was published. Put together using voicemails and conversations with her late grandmother, Bess tells her story emotively and beautifully. We are honored to have her (virtually) with us today.

Bentley's $200k+ release

Why Not Flaunt Your Wealth With Practical 66-Pound, $256k Book?

Culturally, we all recognize the significance of a flashy status symbol—even if we don’t exactly understand the point. These ostentatious displays of wealth are so important to some that they might be willing to get stranded in a Hunger Games battle for damp mattresses and untoasted cheese sandwiches. Others opt for Insta-worthy gold rolling papers (though these, of course, are just as tragically destined to go up in Fyre). There’s a difference between a splurge and a status symbol: an expensive skincare product is usually for self-pampering, not for bragging about. (Let’s take a moment to imagine: “check out my new pore-smoothing cream! Could you STILL hide the Crown Jewels in my pores, or do you think just a mood ring would fit?”) A status symbol is for the world to see—more specifically, for the world to see that you, not-so-humble-you, can afford a $185 paperclip. So, good luck carrying your 66-pound Bentley heritage book.

 

What $200k+ looks like, apparently

Image Via Forbes

 

Bentley, the luxury car manufacturer, has entitled its beast of a centenary release 100 Carat, a tasteful allusion to the 100 carats of diamonds that adorn the cover. Technically, the amount of diamonds you get is flexible based upon your price range: the Centenary Edition for $3.8k; the Mulliner Edition for $16k; and, of course, the Rich Bitch Edition for the aforementioned price.

So, what do you actually get when you purchase one of these books, besides the lingering dread that nothing, not even this, will be able to fill the emptiness inside? Besides diamonds. The 100-Carat Edition, of which only seven copies exist, gets you 100 carats of diamonds that you can’t wear as jewelry. The Mulliner Edition gets you fifty-six hand painted watercolors and rubber from the tires of a winning racecar. The Centenary Edition, of course, gets you the privilege of owning a four-thousand-dollar book.

Most people would agree that the purpose of a book, if not to document a historic or artistic period, is to inspire considerable thought and deep emotional responses. In that manner, this book has succeeded where many ambitious literary works have failed. Considering Bentley’s release, we’re left with a number of probing questions: who are these people? What do they do for a living besides (probably) yelling at waitstaff and spending $500 on a Saint Laurent white tee-shirt? And why purchase something too heavy to even properly take up a seat on public transit during rush hour—isn’t that what Louis Vuitton bags are for?

 

 

 

Featured Image Via Cnet.

Here’s the Weirdest, Most Disturbing Harry Potter Merch Online

If you’ve spent any time in fandom spaces on the Internet, you’ll know how weird things can get. And you’ll also know this terrifying truth: things can always get weirder. These five pieces of Harry Potter merchandise might make you want to Ravenclaw your eyes out… or maybe you’ll want to throw in some galleons to have them as your own.

 

1. Underwear

 

Harry Potter themed underwear reading "Chamber of Secrets"

Image Via Amazon

 

Once the Internet figured out ‘Chamber of Secrets’ made a great euphemism for any number of orifices (okay, really two in particular) the onslaught began. And once people figured out you could slyther in said chamber… it was all over. Maybe this Harry Potter underwear will help you LITERALLY keep it in your pants. If you think this pun somehow isn’t sexy enough for your own personal needs, there’s always the underrated “whorecrux.” (But all jokes aside, you can buy that online as well.)

 

2. Cigarette case

 

Marauder's Map themed cigarette case

Image Via Amazon

 

It must be pretty stressful at Hogwarts knowing that your school is full of trolls, giant serpents, and honestly, some pretty rude teachers. Fortunately, the wiz-kids can kick back with some… cigarettes? While it’s true that the books were set in the 90s—before smoking was banned on international flights—it’s pretty unlikely that you’d be able to sneak a smoke at Hogwarts with all the paintings watching. This particular cigarette case features a Marauder’s Map interior, presumably to remind young witches and wizards that they’re Up To No Good. It’s the magical equivalent of the Surgeon General’s warning.

 

3. Dobby’s mounted head

 

Dobby's mounted head replica

Image Via Huffington Post

 

If reading about and then actually watching Dobby die wasn’t traumatizing enough, don’t worry! There’s plenty more where that came from. You too can now own a wall mount of Dobby’s presumably taxidermied head to remind you that life isn’t fair and death is inevitable.

 

4. Vibrating Nimbus 2000

 

A graphic describes how the toy broomstick was used as a sex toy

Image Via KickassFacts

 

One of the worst things about the vibrating Nimbus 2000 is that it wasn’t supposed to do the thing you’re obviously realizing it could do. The worst thing is that, unlike the other items on this list, it was official Harry Potter merchandise—and it was for kids. Mattel pulled the toy from shelves after a horrifying epiphany you can probably imagine for yourself. But you probably wouldn’t have imagined that Mattel only caught onto the truth when sex shops began selling the (adult) toy. To emphasize just how bad of a mistake this was, let’s take a look at some customer reviews:

 

Reviewers describe the vibrating Harry Potter broomstick

 

Another thrilled reviewer fails to recognize that the Harry Potter broomstick is a sex toy

 

Talk about Harry Potter and the Goblet of you’re fired. The product is still available on eBay.

 

5. Common-room scented candles

 

Bookstr-gryffindor-common-room-candle

Image Via Etsy

 

The candles were a sweet idea. They were a nice try. But let’s face it—the Gryffindor common room is full of sweaty middle-school boys. If it smells like anything, it’s socks and B.O… and, apparently, cigarettes. (Though, for the record, this candle does look like it smells much better than a dorm full of twelve-year-olds ever would.)

 

Image Via Whatculture.com