Die hard fan or total casual, the Twilight meme renaissance is truly a gift to all of us. Whether you have thoughts on Stephanie Meyer’s connection to the fandom, Edward’s first reaction to Bella, or subverting the hate by listing things that are actually WORSE love stories than twilight, there’s a lot to like here. And this article contains the creme de la creme of all this hilarious nonsense.
You Can’t Just Ask People Why They Sparkle
Image via ScreenRant
Isn’t this… just cannon? Like, Edward Cullen is the kind of legend you could ask anyone about at that school. Sure, some of them might be like… he’s dating his step sister… but most of them would say stuff like this. And wasn’t he basically in a car commercial? Look how pretty this car is! Only a profoundly emotional vampire can slow this down! Honestly though, I don’t know why everyone isn’t more obsessed with Rosalie or Alice. They’re so mean and so nice respectively! There’s so much to unpack.
I Don’t FIND That Very Surprising
Image via CBR
Don’t panic if you don’t get this – that’s really the whole joke. Also, go watch A Very Potter Musical right this second. You will have ZERO regrets. Unlike Cedric. Ok, I’m done, but what house would Edward Cullen be in, do you think? Is there a consensus? Honestly though, Cedric Diggory didn’t distract me in Twilight. All that distracted me was Shark Boy. Does anyone else remember that movie? Did I dream it? Every time Jacob came on screen, all I could think was “I broke my fiiiin!” I can’t be alone. Please.
Image via The Quaker Campus
I actually have a lot of question about Carlisle’s decisions, but I also read somewhere that he was only 23 when he died, and as someone who’s 23 currently, that explains a lot. Still, there were a few moments I questioned, and this is definitely one of them. I don’t really remember if we know how great Carlisle is at not killing people when this scene takes place, but either way, Edward seems like the WORST option. I mean? All he wants is to drain her dry? Is this even a romantic gesture? Also, according to Wikipedia, you can’t suck venom from a wound.
Image via BuzzFeed
God, I cannot even imagine how someone came up with this, or how it seems SO in character. Twilight was guilty of a certain amount of thesaurus abuse, certainly, but on a more fundamental level, Edward Cullen was such a total and absolute weirdo. How did we not see it before? Like, honestly, how did we not all read the first book and think… effervescent. Sure, he might not BE the most effervescent, but look at the snail on that mood board! What other word could you possibly use? Especially if you were both 17 and a hundred something.
Image via Twitter
I could never put my finger on the dangers in twilight, or their chronology. Do things escalate? Or just oscillate? Listen, I’m not hating – Buffy had the same problem. It’s hard to turn up the stakes when most of your characters are immortal. But like, after the threat of turning accidentally in the first book, it’s like, no! This time we might DIE! Look at all these things that can ACTUALLY kill us. Let’s flirt with them, just for funsies.
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