Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go to Hogwarts while the events of the seven books were taking place? Wonder no more. Emily McGovern has laid it all out in her brilliant comic series, My Life as a Background Slytherin (and Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor). Tag yourself I guess? Here are my faves.
I’m just saying, her objection DOES make sense. Now, maybe this was explained in a tweet or something, I don’t know, and I frankly don’t care. Most of England is south of London, and much of Wales, as well as all of Scotland and Northern Ireland. Do they take a boat, travel down to London, then travel all the way back north to Hogwarts like, three times a year? I have questions, I tell you. Why can’t your parents just drive you and make sure your entrance is super embarrassing? No. Gotta go to London, ride a train, ride in a carriage drawn by invisible death horses. Gotta keep it simple. Am I the only one who’s got this many thoughts on this?
Well, I’m not sure it’s courageous exactly, but you know if anyone was blatantly defying Umbridge for cigarettes or whatever wizard teenagers do, it would be the Gryffindors. They’re like, prohibition? Violence? Autocratic rule? Sounds like an opportunity for HIJINKS. They’re a strangely cheerful bunch. They really do make the best of Hogwarts and it’s nonsense. Painful death? Let’s check it out. Lethal forest? Sounds like good old slumber party fun. Ghosts? That’s a friend. Dangerous death match for children? Sounds like my kind of party. They might be courageous, or maybe they really just have no sense of danger whatsoever? Not judging, just saying.
These are determined people. Gotta make sure those plants are doing well. Still nice and angry. So obviously the willow was planted to protect the passage to the house in Hogsmeade where Lupin went when he transformed but actually like… think about that plan. We’ve got a werewolf student. Give him a potion to soothe him when he transforms? Maybe that’s not invented yet. Put him in a medical coma for a few days behind a screen in the hospital wing? Not extra enough. Just put him in a dungeon? The castle has plenty. No. He needs a secret tunnel, to a secret house, hidden behind a secret tree that beats up a ton of students. It’s foolproof.
Wizards have been persecuted in the past, so we need to make a safe place for magical children! We’ll put a giant snake dungeon, moving staircases, lots of trap doors for falling through, an evil forest with murder centaurs and spiders the size of mini vans, and let’s make ex-death eaters professors and also current death eaters, we’ll hire a werewolf and he’ll be the SAFEST one! We’ll have such beef children fight for centuries! Dementors on campus? Great idea! Child death match? Let’s do it! Dangerous time machine? She’s thirteen, she can handle it. Get locked out? Sleep in the hallway and DIE.
Featured image via My Life As A Background Slytherin
The back to school season is always difficult for those of us still enrolled in the education system, however we really don’t have it all that bad. And there’s nothing quite like books to make our lives feel just a little less sucky in comparison.
Here are ten fictional schools that we would never want attend, in order from least bad to the absolute baddest.
There is no way in hell that Wayside School is up to OSHA code. It’s literally falling down.
Plus, none of the kids in this school learn anything. Sure it’s fun to muck around in class every once and a while, but these kids are learning math without numbers and being turned into apples by evil witch teachers.
Call me old fashioned but that environment doesn’t seem very conducive to learning.
If you’ve ever toured at a boarding school or college, you might be familiar with schools like Pencey Prep. The website is sleek, the brochures are long and convincing, and the images all show students having the time of their lives sitting in class or enjoying their extracurriculars.
Then you get there and it’s raining, the classrooms still have those televisions on rolling carts, and there’s no clubs to speak of.
Among Prufrock Prep’s many dazzling features are the Orphan Shack where all orphans are forced to live, a punishment where being late to class means you are forced to eat your meals like a dog with your hands tied behind your back, and your grade in gym class is worth 51% of your overall grade meaning most members of Bookstr‘s audience would probably flunk out.
While Crunchem Hall didn’t last forever, it certainly left an impression on every child who read Matilda. I don’t even like to wear my hair in pigtails because I’m so irrationally afraid someone will grab me by the braid and fling me into the air.
They also just don’t look that good on me. I have a big forehead.
Also this school is literally shorthand ‘Crunch Them’ Hall. Who did that.
I know everyone wants to be a wizard or witch, and everyone wants to hang with Harry and his crew, but Hogwarts is dangerous.
Even prior to Voldemort’s presence on campus there was a giant lizard monster in the basement, murderous mermaids in the water, and a backyard so deadly they had to name it the Forbidden Forest to keep students from going in and getting killed.
Some people might think I should’ve put Durmstrang on this list instead of Hogwarts, but honestly Hogwarts seems way more perilous.
Hogwarts became a literally battlefield at the apex of a wizarding world war, Durmstrang is just emo.
Realistically, you wouldn’t want to be an eighth grader at any school in this universe. You probably also don’t want to be a eighth grader in any universe, to be fair.
However being an eighth grader in Battle Royale means you could be randomly selected by the government to participate in a Hunger Games style fight to the death that lasts over the course of three days.
Now I didn’t love my middle school classmates, but I don’t want to murder them, and I definitely don’t want to be murdered by them.
But this list focuses on the movies and shows that got it right; the ones might have borrowed a hammer from J.K. Rowling’s toolbox but came up with their own blueprints. These characters may attend a school suspiciously similar to Hogwarts, but their stories are, at the very least, their own.
1. Sky High
Image via IMDb
Sky High was made by Disney in 2005, and was written by Paul Hernandez, Robert Shooley, and Mark McCorkle.
The movie follows Will Stronghold as he attends Sky High, a school for teens with superpowers. Even though Will’s parent’s are two of the most famous superheroes in the world (think Mr. Incredible and Elastagirl), Will struggles with the fact that he hasn’t developed any powers of his own.
Though slightly dated and definitely intended for children, Sky High serves as a charming reminder of the DCOMS of yesteryear, and the sorting method within Sky High is very reminiscent of Hogwarts.
2. Witch University
Image via Amazon
Return to Halloweentownis the fourth movie in Disney’s Halloweentown series, and was written by Max Enscoe, Annie Deyoung, and Paul Bernbaum.
In this installment of the franchise Marnie, our lead witch, is off to college at Witch University. She finds that it doesn’t quite meet her expectations, as students are not allowed to actually practice magic. However, she finds her purpose while traversing through the college dungeon when she uncovers a mysterious box with the name ‘S. Cromwell’ etched into its’ top.
The movie follows Marnie’s attempts to bring the school’s secrets to light, while dodging witches looking to have her expelled.
3. Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies
Miss Robichaux’s Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies is a school lead by Cordelia Foxx, the supreme. I don’t want to spoil anything for those who haven’t seen it, but if Harry Potter spawned your love of witches and you’re looking for the adult equivalent then this may be the show for you.
4. St. Vladimir’s Academy
Image via Microsoft
Vampire Academy came out in 2014, to disappointing results. The movie cost about $30 million to make, and made about 15 million in the box office. This is partially due to the fact that the movie adaptation of Vampire Academy is very different from the novel in terms of tone.
The novel was published in 2007, at the height of the Twilight hype train. And like many of the YA-vampire themed novels at the time it had a very dark tone. The main character, Rose Hathaway, was a teen girl navigating school, boys, and vampirism with her snarky wit and depressing outlook.
The movie, however, zooms in on the snark and amps up the humor. Many dedicated fans were displeased with this change, though the movie can stand well on it’s own. If you wish you could have seen a few of more of the gags and goofs that took place in Hogwarts, then Vampire Academy might help satisfy that need!
While many, if not all, of her classmates would peg her as a Slytherin, with the assumption that those in Slytherin are “evil”, Elphaba would certainly fit in with House Ravenclaw. Focusing more on novel than the Broadway musical adaptation, Elphaba was something of a social justice warrior before donning the title “Wicked Witch of the West”.
As a child she took great notice and curiosity of her surroundings, as Ravenclaw’s tend to do, and took special notice to the many injustices in the land of Oz, beginning with a cruelty to animals. Similar to the musical, Elphaba has a distant relationship with people. There is no real instance of Elphaba trying to be outgoing in her social life as most of her life is dedicated or tied up in societal issues.
Due to all the pressure from her battle against society at large, Elphaba becomes very cynical and realistic. This all makes her even more of a Ravenclaw as they pour most of their time into intellectual pursuits rather than their social life. On top of all these reasons for Elphaba to be sorted into Ravenclaw, the biggest connection the two have is Elphaba’s oddness. Think about it. Luna Lovegood and Professor Filius Flitwick were both characters initially scorned for their oddities, but after some time celebrated for it.
Though it will take Gregory Macguire’s version of Elphaba to be celebrated, she will make it there eventually as a Ravenclaw.
To surprise all of her adoring fans, the “good witch” would be a perfect fit for House Slytherin, but of course she cannot be considered any sort of villain.
During her time in school with Elphaba, Glinda is immature, catty, but also incredibly cunning.
According to the education site Shmoop, “She did fabricate an entire medical condition for her Ama Clutch and then boldly sold the lie to Madame Morrible in order to keep out of the dreaded ‘Pink Dormitory,’ since living there is apparently social suicide”.
This reveals Glinda’s tendency to disregard the rules and towards self-preservation, both main traits of Slytherin House. Though as she grows up she matures, her shrewd personality does not completely go away.
In spite of the illegal ways Gatsby rises to fame and riches, he is still very hardworking and earnest with people overall. You don’t have to be honest with the law to be an earnest person after all!
More than that, there is something to say about his loyalty to his one true love Daisy Buchannan, whom he is putting all his hard effort for in the hopes she will love him back.
Now you can argue that his egocentric nature hurts his chances with House Hufflepuff, but that attitude of overconfidence is all just a front. Who he is on the inside is much different than what you will see at any of his crazy parties, something that the sorting hat would be able to see right through.
The sole-survivor of a terrible shipwreck, Piscine, commonly known as Pi, was left in the worst possible situation: alone on a raft with few food rations and a very hungry tiger.
Most would not know what to do and perish as a result—either from the tiger, dehydration, drowning, the possibilities are endless.
For Pi however, his knowledge and dexterity helped him to survive against all the odds. Prior to the horrific shipwreck, Pi’s family owned a zoo in India. It it thanks to his knowledge of predators that he gradually takes control over the tiger. As for the rest of his survival skills it all comes down to natural instinct and his tenacious will to live.
While you could argue for Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, as he is so hardworking and dedicated in his fight for survival as well as full of a vast amount of knowledge, knowledge and hard work can really only take you so far in such dire circumstances, especially against a wild predator. Considering that Pi is cunning, goal-oriented, and every move he makes is for his self-preservation, he is without a doubt a Slytherin.
Katniss Everdeen is a rather complex character, so the sorting hat would have a rather difficult time deciding where to place her. On one hand, the main personality traits that give her the most trouble in the celebrity-loving society of Panem Capitol is her cold-hearted demeanor and her calculated mentality. Katniss does not coo over babies or cute animals. Heck, she tries to drown the family cat as a way to save if from starvation, dubbing it as simply “another mouth to feed” (1.4). More than that she makes the choice throughout the games to fabricate a romantic relationship with the character Peeta as a way to boost her sponsors. That cunning is the trait of Slytherin for sure, however, that is the way this society runs, fabrications and manipulation.
Now onto what makes her a true Gryffindor with a heart of gold.
Two key traits in a Gryffindor are bravery and chivalry, and while Katniss does lack a bit of chivalry in the quest of her survival, at the end of the day she does follow a moral compass, fueled by her maternal instincts. The whole reason she offers herself as tribute in the first place is to save her beloved sister from taking part of this deadly competition. More than that, even as cold as she is she is protective of a younger girl names Rue, who reminds her of her sister, and although one of the main rules of the Hunger Games is there can only be one winner, she finds a way for both her and Peeta to become the victors. This disregard for the rules, and for her own selfish desire to survive, in the arena screams Gryffindor.
Granted, Katniss is not always the girl scout hero we always love, but she is still a brave hero in the end. Definitely deserving to be a part of House Gryffindor. Not all Gryffindors are saints after all.
The just and genuine lawyer of the south, Atticus Finch is incredibly bold for taking on the case representing Tom Robinson, an African American, in the time when most Southern states cared nothing for African American rights.
Now this would have made him a Gryffindor if his personality was more bold and daring. It’s a given that in the courtroom you are respectful and abide by the rules, but when would that ever stop a true Gryffindor?
Atticus, on the other hand, not only follows the rules, no cutting corners whatsoever, he gives everyone their fair chance. Even outside the courts, as a father, Atticus is fair and honest with his kids. This has created a strong foundation of trust and respect within all his relationships, though it sometimes can appear a bit passive, at least when it comes to his children. No one is perfect, but as far as lawyers and fathers go, Atticus Finch is hard-working and honest to a T even when everyone is telling him he doesn’t have to be.
That sounds like the traits of a true and calm Hufflepuff, with a bit of Gryffindor mixed in.
7. Mary Poppins – Ravenclaw
The original Mary Shepard illustration | Image via Pinterest
Focusing more on the original P. L. Travers Mary Poppins and not the Disney adaptation, Mary Poppins is hard-working, stern, smart, and proper.
As a nanny, she is dedicated to disciplining her children into responsible young adults. This is her main focus, friendship is more pushed to the background – no singing and dancing here. This Mary Poppins is all about business, so long as it benefits the family she is helping.
There is a little of Gryffindor in her, as she is incredibly chivalrous, and Hufflepuff could certainly be a perfect spot for her with how honest and loyal she can be, House Ravenclaw is more suitable for her. There are more Ravenclaw qualities than either of the other two Houses.
8. Othello – Gryffindor
Othello with his beloved Desdemona | Image via Wikipedia
From a slave in North Africa to military commander in Italy, Othello has had a rough go throughout life. Even after surviving slavery and working up the ranks in a solely white military, the Venetian people continue to throw racial slurs and assumptions on all of Othello’s successes.
In spite of many assumptions of “manipulation via enchantment”, Othello is genuine in his hard work and bold heroics. However, Othello is not the perfect hero he portrays himself as, especially when it comes to his relationships. The commander’s downfall is his trouble with jealousy and knowing who he should and shouldn’t trust. This reveals a lack of loyalty, as well as capability to think critically for himself.
In the end, his rash and hot-tempered tendencies lead him to his end. A hot-blooded Gryffindor for sure, lead astray by manipulation and emotion.
For a character that has had everything stripped away from her, including her name, which is not in fact Offred, this character would be an incredibly difficult one for the sorted hat to come upon. It’s much easier of a job to look at what she isn’t rather than what she is.
For House Hufflepuff, she is lacking a sense of loyalty. Before being dragged into the Gilead, Offred, as she is called, was married, but had cheated on her husband, leading to her oppressed state. Although she painfully regrets cheating, there is no concrete friend or ally that she is particularly loyal to. For both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, she is not all hard-working, nor is there any evidence that she was particularly such. Offred does just the bare minimum of what is expected of her, wishing to rebel, hoping for a change, but not taking any initiative, which leads us to Gryffindor.
Given that this is a very restrictive and oppressive society against women, it would be a great challenge to escape, but not impossible. Other women have found freedom and Offred has had opportunities of her own, but, unlike a Gryffindor, she is not bold or brave enough to take a chance. There is also a question of her moral compass in this regard. While she rejects the chance to escape, she jumps on the chance to continue her sexual affair to gain something in her favor. Although there is no inclination that she is goal-oriented or looking to boost herself up, she is, by comparison, more suited for House Slytherin.
The genius detective who is king of deduction would most definitely be sorted into House Ravenclaw. Why you may ask? Elementary, my dear Watson, or whatever your name is!
All brain and no social life, Sherlock follows the intellectual pursuits of solving the toughest crime mysteries, and has a hell of a time doing so. All in all, he’s a sociopathic weirdo, but a lovable one. The blue scarf seals the deal.
Once a surgeon in the British army, Dr. Watson is brave, dependable, and incredibly knowledgeable.
After a wound sends him back home to live a mundane life off a regular civilian, his life is turned upside down by the bizarre, but genius detective, Sherlock Holmes.
Becoming flat mates and crime solving partners, Watson not only gains bold and exciting adventures, but also a best friend. No matter how dangerous the risk, or how dangerously eccentric Holmes may be, Watson is always by his side. For sure, he is the friend every homicidal crime solving detective needs.
With a little mix of a friendly and loyal Hufflepuff, Watson is a pure heartedly courageous Gryffindor.
The bold and beautiful Jane Bennet is a woman far beyond her time. While all the women around her, including her sisters, are fawning over men, Jane is focusing more on supporting her family any way she can.
She is not easily swayed for the most part, and she has a wit and strong opinions that just as charming as it is pleasantly surprising to everyone around her.
Though her looks are what first strike the heart of the very callous and collected Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, it is her striking wits that enchants him into falling for her. With her brains and competitive drive for debate and deep conversation, Jane bennet would make a very charming student of House Ravenclaw.
With a love of books and learning alone, Matilda would be the perfect fit for Ravenclaw, but what really drives her is her quest for justice and just making things right.
Not too long after Matilda achieves her dream of attending school is she introduced to the tyrant-principal, Ms. Trunchbull, ruining the happy lives of Matilda and her fellow classmates. Rather than hiding her head in her books, Matilda takes a stand utilizing her newfound telekinetic powers to take down “the Trunchbull”.
Putting together the biggest pranks—yes, I said pranks, she is only 5 after all—Matilda is guided by her honorable moral code and her incredibly mature insights. This little girl is also strong in confidence as well. With a family that doesn’t support her intellect, and often tries to “remind” her that she less than, it’s incredible how bold and sure she is with just about every move she makes.
In the end, Matilda would be a heroic, and incredibly brilliant, witch of House Gryffindor. She’s the OG Hermione Granger!
One of the few survivors of her family, House Targaryen, Daenerys was always been pushed to the background or used as a bargaining chip in someone else’s master plan. A tough way to start out in life, but for a 14 year old she learned as quick as she could.
Turning a bad situation into a better one, she goes from child bride to Queen, asserting herself in just the right way to move the right people into her corner. Although her decisions do not always work out for the better, especially in the beginning of her journey, that never deters her from rising back up like a phoenix, or I should say, like a dragon!
Every loss she endures gives her more drive to achieve her master plan, to become Queen of all 7 Kingdoms in Westeros. With her wit and sly way of working around her obstacles, she rising up to make the world a better place…and a few loyal dragons will definitely help as well!
A bold and cunning Slytherin, with honorable intentions.
Frequently ridiculed as “the imp”, Tyrion Lannister is brutally aware of mankind’s cruelty. Aside from his older brother, his family detests him. What people fail to see is a highly intelligent and sensible man, and underneath all the witty and poorly tasting jokes he makes is a heart of gold.
The key part of Tyrion’s personality is his knowledge and wit. To make up for his unfortunate circumstances and lack of physical strength, he uses these two traits to make it by. Delving into a great deal of books and facts, there is no problem Tyrion cannot solve, however if pushed he will be as bold with a sword as he is with his tongue.
Despite his vast intelligence, he never uses it to gain an edge or try to shake things up. No. Tyrion is only hoping to survive the game of thrones, not to play it. Who knows the incredible achievements he could attain as a wizard in House Ravenclaw.
The most kind-hearted and faithful of the four, Lucy is at the heart of the four Pevensie siblings. Even as she grows up, Lucy is always warm and welcoming to new people and never harbors any ill feelings towards anyone.
Bold in her faith, Lucy will always stand by the side of Aslan, the Great Lion of Narnia. As Aslan represents all that is good, Lucy will fight for what is good.
As the eldest of the Pevensie siblings, Peter is used to taking charge. Even outside the family home, Peter is still a courageous fighter and leader, though he doesn’t always think his plans thoroughly—typical of a Gryffindor.
As a brave knight, Peter is righteous and strong. Never backing down from a battle, always choosing to save others and potentially sacrifice himself. Surely, he would be a great asset to House Gryffindor’s Quidditch team.
Skeptical and smart, Susan keeps her siblings grounded and safe, although boring as that may sound. It seems that no matter how many magical adventures she takes, reasoning and logic still rule in her mind.
As uptight as she may appear to be, she is just as friendly and caring as any of her siblings. In fact, she becomes known in Narnia as “Susan the Gentle”.
A strong mind with a gentle heart, the knowledge Susan would gain in House Ravenclaw would certainly aid her in her siblings next adventures.
As a young boy, Edmund Pevensie is easily manipulated into betraying his siblings for his own gain. While he immediately regrets the decision and remains loyal to them for the rest of the series, he tends to stray away from them to work alone. Even if it is for their benefit, it is still shady.
Despite this, all in all, Edmund is very caring in his own way. The boy slowly grows into a man that learns of loyalty, and protecting that loyalty in whatever way works for him, rather than the group.
As a rather complex character, Edmund makes for a rather lovable Slytherin, with loyalty to last through all the darkened times.
FUN FACT: There are also fans that theorize that the four Pevensies may, in fact, be the founders of Hogwarts with how closely related the traits of the four houses align with the four siblings’ personality traits.
20. Lady MacBeth – Slytherin
Lady MacBeth with Macbeth | Image via Drawing Skill
They say behind every great man is a great woman. In the case of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, we have a very powerful woman—Lady Macbeth.
A woman ahead of her time, Lady Macbeth this the one running the show, with the hero, Macbeth, playing lead. As devious as she can be, Lady Macbeth does love her husband and simply wants to see him rise in power. Whispering words of murder and betrayal, Lady Macbeth using her cunning all for the sake of her beloved husband.
Some Slytherins are known for their deep unrequited love for another, although Macbeth and her are already married and therefore their mutual love is already shared, this does change in the end sadly for our leading Lady.
For certain Lady Macbeth would be known throughout the halls of Hogwarts as a passionate and headstrong Slytherin.
One of the greatest tragedy in literature, the story of Hamlet is dark, psychological, and dramatic!
Mourning the loss of his father, deciding between taking revenge on his Uncle or even choosing to continue to live, Hamlet is, in all honesty, a dramatic, emotional teenager. Then again, who wouldn’t be psychologically twisted after a visit from their Father’s ghost demanding that you murder your Uncle who is now marrying and canoodling with your Mom. Yeah, that’s pretty rough.
Most of the play, Hamlet is consumed by indecisiveness, but when he eventually to make his moves, he is secretive and sneaky. Slytherins do tend to hesitate before making any decisions in an effort to save themselves. Scholars have thought up many different theories and analysis of Hamlet’s character. Ranging from Christian bias against poltergeists and revenge, to a conflicting Oedipus and identity complex, most of Hamlet’s reasons for hesitating to make any moves for so long all fall back to saving himself in some way. (Read this article to learn the full scholarly breakdown.)
Always thinking of his next ploy, Hamlet would make for the perfect Slytherin. Hogwarts would most likely need a counselor to keep an eye on him, and keep him away from any skulls – “alas, poor Yorick”.
Narrow-minded and business savvy, Scarlett frankly could not give a damn about anything that doesn’t have to do with herself. The woman blatantly admits that she “could never long endure any conversation of which she was not the chief subject” (1.18).
In spite of how often she is called out for her ignorance and lack of intelligence, she is a genius in the matters of money and business, and whatever topic that she does choose to have interest in. Overall, Scarlett is all about her own agenda and cares little about anything else around her.
As a witch of Hogwarts, she would further the negative reputation that Slytherin already has, and, of course, she wouldn’t care in the slightest.
Sweet and caring Celie has always had it rough since she was young.
Raped by her father, torn from her beloved sister, then married to a man that sees her more as a servant than a wife, it’s incredible she doesn’t lose her loving nature. In fact, as time passes on, she grows to love more and more people.
Celie does more than loving though, she also has a little fight in her for the sake of those she loves. Sacrificing herself to protect her sister from their disgusting father, silently rebelling against her husband – by spitting in his water – after he criticizes her close friend and love Shug Avery, Celie makes bold moves for the sake of those she loves.
Always welcoming and never one to judge, Celie would make for a loving and warm Hufflepuff, with a little mix of Gryffindor courage in her as well.
Complex, daring, and adventurous, Shug is never in one place, traveling from town to town, from lover to lover, enjoying the thrill of a career in jazz music. At first she appears as an immoral woman, suffering from some sort of “nasty woman disease”, as the book puts it. What Celie and the audience learns over time is Shug is nothing of the sort, she is just an independent woman who enjoys her own freedom, sometimes a little too much.
Although Celie falls in love with Shug, Shug does wind up leaving her. However, she is never gone for too long. When she returns, she’s there to protect the people she loves, until she is ready to leave again.
Shug even made the choice to stay with Celie sometime as soon as she learned of her husbands constant abuse when they are alone. Though she may not be the most loyal, she is not without her chivalry, choosing to do the right thing when it really matters. At the end of the day, Shug always comes back.
Like any Gryffindor, she can be a little on the reckless side, but she is not with out her heroics as a loving and caring friend to those she loves.
Making up his own rules, and sometimes even what appears to be alternate dimensions, The Cat In The Hat is the master of his own domain and therefore could never fit in any house. Wherever he moves he creates chaos for the children around him, but, in a sense, this makes the children stronger in some twisted fashion. Sounds like a Dementor to me!