Ready to judge Harry Potter books by their covers? Some of them are great, and some of them are definitely not (what were you thinking, Sweden?), but they’re all worth critiquing.
Image via Flipsnack
These are great. We’ve got CREATURES. We’ve got ATMOSPHERE. We’ve got great art—look at that dragon! And it looks like the artist actually had any idea what the books were about. They’re pretty, and I want them.
Image via The Washington Post
A very close second! Fewer cool animals though, so it loses a point. The dragon isn’t as good, he looks like he’s about eight on the Deathly Hallows cover, and someone got too excited about hair and beards. There’s also a lot of fire? Same good concept, but very different energy.
Image via Goodreads
It’s good, but it’s not great. These are the covers I grew up with, so I might be biased, but I like the strong color choices, especially in the later books, and the faces look pretty normal. Hermione does have red hair for some reason, which is the worst, but overall decent.
Image via Reddit
These have a real grim vibe, but I dig it. The thestrel looks like a nightmare, the dragon is fierce in stead of cute, and that ring of ghosts is pretty alarming. Harry also looks his age on all of them. Some of them are just ok though, and Dumbledore could be cooler.
New 20th Anniversary
Image via Bustle
Why would you make this? They’re overworked and creepy, and I don’t have any idea why you’d use black and white, the design is weird, not everyone’s face needs to be on every book. Harry looks like seven different people. Dumbledore is the worst.
Image via Flipsnack
I’m sorry, but the illustration style is condescending and the faces are bad. And does harry have a spray tan on the last cover? The hyippogryph is pretty cool, but the dragon is terrible and the phoenix is so so. Sorry people who grew up with these, but they’re no good.
Chasing the Turtle
These are terrible, obviously, but in a surprisingly retro way? This looks like a bad fantasy or sci-fi cover from the sixties or something. Like, it’s not WEIRD MAGIC BOOKS for WEIRD PEOPLE, it’s Harry Potter. Why would you do this to yourselves? And is that photo harry on an illustrated background in the first one? Yikes.
Books, Writing, and Other Things
What is this. Those glasses aren’t in front of his eyes. I don’t understand the attitude. I don’t understand the frosted tips. These look like ebook exclusives I wouldn’t buy. My eyes are angry. And why is he just sort of leaning into every frame? Thanks. I hate it.
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I know I know, half of you are scandalized, but today, on the eighteenth anniversary of the film release of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, how am I supposed to bring sorcery into it? Apparently american children in 1997 thought philosophy was for nerds. You know what’s for nerds? Harry Potter. There are a lot of ways to reminisce about the only movie where they actually wear robes, but we’re internet people second, here at Bookstr. I think you know where this is going.
Image via QuickMeme
Alright, I was the same age as Harry when I first read this book, and not much older when I saw the movie, but what was Dumbledore’s thinking here? I admit I don’t remember all the details, but you basically can’t get into Gringotts, and you certainly can’t get out. And that’s under normal circumstances! They couldn’t throw another dragon or two in front of the thing? And let me ask you this: did they ever try dragons against Voldemort in the first place? I don’t care how much of an evil badass you are or whatever, what are you really going to do with ten tonnes of angry fire lizard in front of you? I know they threw dragons at children in the fourth book, but without warning? Please. I just want to know they tried it. And I know Hogwarts is supposed to be pretty safe, but even without all the later counter-evidence, I’d wonder.
Actually, What Did He Do?
Image via Inverse
This is a dazzling take, obviously, and there’s a lot to unpack, but really it just made me wonder what Malfoy’s dad like… does. Sure, he’s a Death Eater, but not every second, and how much Death Eater work is there to do while Voldemort’s presumed dead? I know he’s very busy being privileged and racist and hearing about things Potter does, but what does he do the rest of the time? Just sit around the house being angry about things and making house elves miserable? For real, it’s never mentioned that he works at the ministry or anything. We really don’t know anything about how the Malfoys got so powerful, or about what they do now. It never bothered me before, but now it’s driving me crazy. I also absolutely love the suggestion that he invented toaster strudel. Invented it! It’s so random and so muggle centric. Priceless.
More Great Ideas!
Image via Inverse
Alright, so you’re not allowed to go into the forest, because it’s STUPID dangerous, and you’d definitely die. Also, it’s even more dangerous than usual because someone’s going around killing and eating unicorns. Never go there! Wait, out after dark, maybe risking their lives trying to relocate an illegal dragon for the groundskeeper? Well, why don’t you do something even more dangerous for that very same groundskeeper? It’s like, oh, you’re smoking? How about some meth? That’ll teach you. I mean, I guess they learn something, but it’s not their lesson, I think the rest of the story can attest. And the second they’re in the forest, Hagrid is like, you know what? Let’s split the party. Best witch with me! Here’s my dog, try not to die. And then, not only are they in danger, but it’s literal Voldemort, running around in the woods right by the school. Who’s keeping track of school safety around here?
We Don’t Judge. Or Use Judgement.
Image via Inverse
Look, I know the twins are chill as it gets, but they really should have noticed this. Don’t judge, that’s great! But bring it up, please? Did they see it and go “aww, Ron has a friend” like, shouldn’t they know there’s noone named Peter in his year? They’re only a year or so above, and there are like five boys in his class, how would they not realise? Especially when this guy goes everywhere with Ron? I know what you’re going to say. Why would they ever actively check where Ron is? Well, if they want to sneak out of the tower, wouldn’t they need to know everyone else was asleep? And why weren’t they even a little worried any of the times Ron was just AWOL in the middle of the night? I know they support making poor discipline related choices, but he’s a baby, aren’t they worried? Have they ever walked right past him when he’s in the invisibility cloak? What did they think then, I beg of you?
Image via Someecards
These nerds had their moments. We all like to talk about Harry, as we should. “No need to call me sir, Professor” was the line of a generation, and I like him telling Snape that Ron’s misspelled name is a nickname. They say a lot of stuff to Snape. But I don’t think Hermione gets enough credit. She has fewer moments, sure, but they’re absolutely metal. Remember when she bitch slapped Malfoy, muggle style? Your fave could never. And what’s Malfoy going to do, tell his father? Hi dad, today I was slapped at wizard school. It would never occur to someone who’s always had magic right there. I’m honestly just sad she never slapped him again. Oh, sure, she could outspell him too, she’s a much better caster, but there’s just such a big energy about hitting that dude in the face. Classic.
According to Sesame Street Magazine, October 15th is National Grouch Day—a day for all Grouches to celebrate their way of life.
Image Via Facebook
Since Sesame Street Magazine taught me everything I know, we’re going to celebrate National Grouch Day the only way we here at Bookstr know how—by making lists.
Image Via The Imaginative Conservative
The quintessential grouch, Ebenezer Scrooge is a cheap old miser who brings misery wherever he goes.
The cold within him froze his old features, nipped his pointed nose, shrivelled his cheek, stiffened his gait; made his eyes red, his thin lips blue; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice
That’s a nice way of saying he’s a grouch. A miserable, old, grouch. Literally A Christmas Carol is about him “warming his cold heart”, a poetic way of saying him becoming less a dick.
Image Via Your WDW Store
A less talented writer would make A Christmas Carol an anatomy lesson about Scrooge getting that stick out of his butt, but (pun intended) luckily Charles Dickens is a talented writer. He gives us a wonderful story, retold countless times, about this cold-hearted grouch warming up into a bright happy person during one of the coldest nights in winter.
What is it with stories about grouches becoming better people being set on Christmas? Is it because Christmas is so cold and authors can’t resist the irony of a grouch shedding their cold heart on one of the coldest days in the year?
Either way, the Grinch is a Grouch. In fact, he looks like Oscar the Grouch!
Image Via Elise Skidmore
And don’t blame his grouchiness on the face he has a medical condition—his heart is literally “too sizes too small”—and don’t give me that nonsense that the Whos were mean to him. That’s only in the Jim Carrey movie, and we’re talking about Dr. Seuss’s How The Grinch Stole Christmas here, so you can…
His hatred of a holiday stems from one fact and one fact only: he hates seeing other people happy. Talk about a grouch!
Image Via The Harry Potter Lexicon
For all you Harry Potter fans and all you Hermione fans and all you David Bradley fans.
Image Via PopSugar
When we first meet Filch, he’s quite an unpleasant person. He hates children, students in particular, and it’s quite a strange hatred seeing as he works in a school. I don’t know, maybe the pay is good.
Still, he barks “What are you doing?!” so much you’d think he’d have ground that gravelly voice of his into dust. Be wary, from the students who sneak out at night to the ones who forgot to wipe their feet! Actually, revise that, even if you’re not doing anything wrong, you should still avoid him.
Miserable all the time, he’s rather sadistic, taking this unnerving delight in dishing out punishment to the students of Hogwarts. Look, and re-read, how much he enjoyed punishing young Harry in the first book when Harry was only eleven!
The only thing he seems to love is his cat, Mrs. Norris, but everyone loves cats.
Image Via Odor Klenz
Granted, as we learn more about him, his grouchiness becomes more understandable. He’s harassed by Peeves, the Poltergeist, and he’s a squib, meaning he can’t perform magic. He also evacuated all the students in the Battle of Hogwarts and, despite being unable to perform magic, fought against the Death Eaters. So you know what? Maybe he’s not too bad…
Image Via Reddit
He’s actually pretty cool, but still a major grouch.
For all you Game of Thrones fans and all you David Bradley fans, Walder Frey.
Image Via ImgFlip
Ignoring his part in the Red Wedding, Walder Frey is still a prick.
After farting his way after Ser Edmure Tully’s call to arms because he wants to arrive when the battle is done, Walder Frey is immediately a prick and it only gets worse from there. When Catelyn Stark meets with him, we find that he’s not a nice old man at all. Toothless and wrinkled, he sits in his chair and brags about how he is still sexually active. With 28 kids roaming around, you’d think he’d care about at least one of them.
Image Via A Song of Ice and Fire Wiki
Not a chance. Even at the age of 91, Walder Frey is as self-serving as ever. Being the leader of his house, no one trusts him or his family. Thus, instead of making amends, Walder sees fit to complain about this and continue to deserve the contempt of noble houses throughout Westeros.
He’s a miserable person to be around. A real grouch.
And you know what? I’m not going to ignore the Red Wedding.
Image Via Imgflip
This man orchestrated it because some dude snubbed his ugly daughter and he wanted to get ahead in life. Screw you, you miserable old fart.
Image Via Smithsonian Magazine
Smaug is small. He’s a tiny dragon, but that’s no excuse for being such a grouchy ball of flames.
HE’S ALSO LAZY / Image Via The One Ring.Net
After destroying a kingdom just for the money, he then spends the next 150 years in a mountain. Mass murder for money he doesn’t plan to do anything with? Talk about a miser!
Image Via Pipedia
I think we can all agree that Bilbo is the happiest man in the world, at least in The Hobbit!
Someone drew this! / Image Via PInterest
When Bilbo visits Smaugh, what does Smaug do? Well, he’s amused by him, but ultimately he just wants to be left alone. What a grouch.
And then he burns a town down because he wants to be alone. What a grouch. A mass-murdering grouch.
Image Via The Guardian
A megalomaniac fanatic, Captain Ahab is obsessed with capturing a whale because on a previous voyage the whale bit off his leg.
That’s it. Moby Dick, a book big enough to break someone’s jaw, is about how instead of calling it quits, instead of moving on, Captain Ahab wears a prosthetic leg made out of whalebone and intends to turn the whale who bit him into bones.
Get over it dude.
Image Via Shmoop
And it wouldn’t be so bad if Ahab was the least bit likable. But he isn’t. His only drive in his life to find and kill the Whale. He forces his crew to support his insane mission just so he can kill a whale.
Three hundred pages just looking for a whale while his crew suffers, and he doesn’t stop and think “Maybe I should be considerate to the crew who is risking their lives for my stupid obsession”. That thought doesn’t even pass through his head.
GET OVER IT DUDE / Image Via Consortiumnews
Even when his ship is destroyed and he and what’s left on his crew is on the boat, he’s still chasing after a whale. GET OVER IT DUDE!
You weren’t even nice, Ahab, you were just a real grouch. You’re going to jump for joy when this grouch is dragged to the bottom of the sea by the very thing he’s been trying to kill.
Back in July, we here at Bookstr reported that a fist edition of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone had sold at auction for £28,500, or, $34,650.73! Finishing that article, we said that “Sadly, you can’t get this copy anymore since, well, you know, it’s been bought for a gigantic amount of money” but turns out we were wrong!
The long and short of it is that back in the day, when J.K. Rowling wrote the first of seven books (seven? Wow!), it was entitled Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and later re-titled Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone because British publishers weren’t confident American children would know what a ‘philosopher’ was.
This 1997 edition contains two tell-tale errors: the misspelling of ‘philosopher’s’ on the back page and a double mention of “1 wand” on page 53 in an equipment list.
IMAGE VIA ITV
Now another first edition has has sold for over £46,000 (roughly $57,303) at auction in the U.K, with the buyer paying a total of £57,040 (roughly $71,000) to cover both fees and taxes.
Image Via The Verge
Shockingly, this first edition of Harry Potter was expected to fetch between £20,000 and £30,000 (roughly $24,000 to $37,000), but a telephone bidding war Thursday skyrocketed the final price. This is happened because, according to the Hansons Auctioneers in Staffordshire, in the West Midlands of England, there were four phone bidders, as well as internet bidders, that helped boost the book from its estimated selling point.
It also might be because the book was kept in pristine condition in a locked briefcase for 20 years, reports the BBC. Jim Hanson, the Hansons book expert, told the Birmingham Mail he “couldn’t believe the condition” of the auctioned book, saying its quality was “almost like the day it was made. I can’t imagine a better copy can be found.”
IMAGE VIA BBC/NOTE THAT “PHILOSOPHER’S” IS SPELLED AS “PHILOSPHER’S” HERE
The book was in such great condition because after the owners realized this edition’s importance, they planned to keep it as an heirloom. What made them decide to sell the book was after they heard about that first edition Philosopher’s Stone selling for over $35,000 in July.
Can’t say I blame them! Unsurprisingly, once the decided to sell the book, Hanson says that:
The owners took such great care of their precious cargo they brought it to me in a briefcase, which they unlocked with a secret code. It felt like we were dealing in smuggled diamonds.
From CNNto the Tennessean, the news that Dwayne ‘The Rock Johnson’ has gotten married with Lauren Hashian is all over the place. The two songbirds announced via Instagram their sudden marriage, which they’ve managed to keep (mostly) secret from the press.
Johnson and Hashian met on the set of the 2007 film The Game Plan and since then everyone from their mother to their number-neighbor has been wondering when they would tie the knot. Already they have two daughters together, Jasmine Lia, three years old, and Tiana Gia, who’s only one!
But you might be wondering how we’re going to tie this story into books. Well, since you clearly didn’t read the title, let’s walk you through it.
Dwayne Johnson is called “The Rock”
Dwayne Johnson is okay with being called “The Rock”. Proof below
3) Since The Rock likes to be called The Rock, we’re going to celebrate. Now The Rock might have written a book (The Rock Says), but this list is less about the best of the best, but more of instructive guide on the best books to learn about rocks, how to find rocks, how to befriend our rock, how to stick with our rock, how to eat our rock, and, finally, how to tie it all back into Harry Potter.
Are rocks pebbles? Are pebbles rocks? It seems out first step in uncovering all you need to knows about rocks is to learn about rocks. Thus, Meredith Hooper’s The Pebble in My Pocket: A History of Our Earth is our pick for how to learn about rocks.
Image Via brownsbfs.co.uk
You can’t get a more epic beginning on earth than one that starts off with a fiery volcano! To show its massive scale we follow the story of a rock.
Image Via offamilylearningtogether.com
From there spectacular paintings give texture, weight, and movement with a stroke of a brush, we enter the mind of a rock as it goes through time. We learn about the processes of rock formation and erosion, learning that, ultimately, while the rock does come before the pebble, the rock is most certainly pebble (well, a million of them but you get the gist).
Want to learn about the rocks? Well, this book is one you should definitely carve up some time for.
But now that we know a general history of rocks and pebbles, how can we find The Rock above all rocks? Well…
Image Via Treehugger.com
Picture this: Mom tells you to go outside and so you go out the door, but there’s nothing outside but the blazing sun, grass, and dirt.
It’s a good thing you can read outside (unless it’s raining, but in that case why is Mom throwing you outside?) because this book has been helping kids of all ages since 1984!
Image Via Amazon
Targeted at a five to ten year old demographic, this simple geology book will show you the wonders just hiding above and below the dirt.
It’s a guide on how to start a rock collection, educating children on the formation of rocks and how to categorize and recognize igneous, metamorphic, and sedimentary rocks, but it also teaches the history of how rocks shaped culture. Did you know the Romans built roads out of rocks? Great information, stunning watercolors, and gorgeous line drawings, this book will keep anyone engaged.
Image Via RainbowResource
Want to dig below the dirt and see you can find that The Rock above all rocks? Well, this book will help you out! Check out its rockin’ ad below.
Now that we know about rocks and know how to find them, how do we care for our rock? Well…
Image Via Amazon
A twist on Dr. Seuss’ What Pet Should I Get, this children’s book introduces us to Charlotte, a lovely little girl who wants one thing in this world: a pet. Her parent thus bestow her with a rock on her birthday.
While rocks can’t cuddle, fetch, or help her eat her vegetables, Carlotte loves her rock anyway. Sadly, no matter how much Charlotte loves her rock she will never be sure that her Rock loves her back, unless…
Image Via Youtube
Beautiful on every page, this children’s book can warm those even with a heart of stone. Still, if you’re not sure you want to embark on this rocky road to friendship, then check out this awesome video below!
Now that we have a rock friend, how do we stick with our rock down this not-so-delicious rocky road of life? Well, given that stones are rocks, we present to you: Stick and Stone, a story of a friendship that will last the ages.
Image Via Amazon
A little backstory: We have a sentient stone named Stone who is all on his own. Sad, lonely, life is going too well for Stone. Then it all comes crashing down when a Pine Cone starts to harass, torment, and bully our dear Stone. Luckily, Stick comes to the rescue and the two strike up a close friendship. But how will Stone repay Stick?
Image Via Thepicturebookparty
A story that teaches us that friendships can last through stick and thin, we, as well as Stone, will learn that sometimes just being there for our friend, be he a Stick or a Rock, is sometimes just enough.
Whether you call it the philosopher’s the sorcerer’s, either way a rock set off our first Harry Potter adventure. He-Who-Must-Not-Have-A-Nose is back! and he’s looking for that precious rock to keep him alive. But Harry doesn’t know, and he’s got his own plate full.
Who do you know with this tattoo?/Image Via Pinterest
He just found out he’s a wizard, he just met this big dude named Hagrid, he just met kid named Ron, he just met this girl named Hermione, he just met Draco, and now he’s the youngest Quddich Seeker in many-a-year in Hoggwarts long, very long, history. Despite all this, that stone will bring Harry and Lord Voldemort back on the track of destiny.
See?! Harry’s got a rock in his hand!/Image Via Pinterest
See, I tied Dwayne Johnson into Harry Potter? Now, before we leave, let me give you one bit of information.