Tag: erotica

"His muscles were strong... their love was stronger" bad romance novel cover

The Weirdest Romance Sub-genres You’ve Never Heard Of

You’ve heard of paranormal romance—now get ready for single dad romance. While researching December book releases for another article, I had no idea that I was about to discover something that would change my life forever: a bizarre collection of niche romance genres so incredibly specific that they sounded more like book titles than categories. (That’s not to say that I think Office Romance – Enemies to Lovers is the next bestseller.) I foolishly had thought that there were two main types of romance: love and not love. But I was wrong—I forgot cowboy romance.

 

Sports Romance

 

'Erik' by Sawyer Bennett

 

The most shocking thing about sports romance is that there’s also a category called “sexy sports romance,” which begs the question—what’s so unsexy about regular sports romance? (Besides, you know, the everything.) A recent sports romance release, Erik by Sawyer Bennett (a.k.a. Pseudonym Pseudonym) doesn’t seem to be the most conservative: “working as a flight attendant on the team plane, Blue Gardner just wants to do her job well. She certainly wants nothing to do with Erik as her plans don’t include a sexy but arrogant hockey player in her life.” You might notice that it says SEXY in the blurb. Apparently, it’s just not sexy enough.

 

Sexy Sports Romance

 

'Squeeze Play' by Kate Angell

 

Squeeze Play by Kate Angell is far sexier than Erik if its genre adds any significance… possibly because it involves an entire team of sexy but arrogant athletes instead of just the one? Angell describes her novel as “the first in a steamy new series of romances featuring a hunky baseball team and the sirens who challenge the players in the game of love.” You might notice it says STEAMY, not SEXY. I would have thought Steamy Sports Romance would be its own category.

 

Sexy Romance

 

'Once Upon a Cowboy' by Stina Lindenblatt

 

Nothing is particularly confusing about the words “sexy” or “romance.” What is confusing is the exact middle ground between “romance” and “erotica.” It seems reasonable to assume that, for a sex scene, erotica zooms in where romance fades to black. Romance readers say there’s a broad range of what content is appropriate for regular romance—some novels are chaste while others are more graphic. My hot take? Sexy romance is the same as regular romance but with more phrases like: “her most secret, womanly place.” Stina Lindenblatt‘s sexy romance novel Once Upon a Cowboy blurb reads:

She’s tired of being single. She’s ready to find her soul mate—or at least a nice man. The issue? She’s socially awkward around guys she’s interested in. The solution? Recruit Jake to be her “fairy godfather” and help her be more confident, especially around the new veterinarian who just moved into town.

Let’s just note that this description is not particularly sexy, as it doesn’t say the word SEXY even once. It also manages not to say the word COWBOY, which, given the title, is more confusing than it is relieving.

 

Erotic Romance

 

'A Price to Pay' by Alice Raine

 

We have a new category along the all—inclusive spectrum that is book porn-erotic romance. Neither sexy romance nor full-on erotica, erotic romance is apparently too pornographic to be just sexy and not pornographic enough to be actual porn. It’s important to note that these are not different descriptions of the same phenomena—each of these descriptions is from the same website. As for erotic romance specifically, Alice Raine‘s A Price to Pay  gives us an example:

Robyn Scott is a struggling writer living in London. The romantic comedies she writes just aren’t cutting it anymore when all readers seem to want these days are hot, erotic stories..Tall, dark and with a wicked twinkle in his eye, Oliver agrees to help her with her research, but from the way he looks at her like a lone wolf stalking its prey Robyn may end up getting a whole lot more than she bargained for…

It’s not erotica, it’s not sexy romance, and it’s probably not that plot-heavy.

 

Rock Star Romance

'Close' by Laurelin Paige

 

Close by Laurelin Paige details the story of a fling with a rockstar, which is sexy, but not sexy enough to be sexy romance—either that, or it’s too specific. Sexy romance is, of course, not too specific at all. Paige writes: “I’m America’s Sweetheart. I have a reputation. He’s a boy-band icon turned rock god. I’m vanilla. He’s every flavor of bad. And he’s much, much too young for me. If I end up in Nick Ryder’s bed, my career and I will both be screwed….”

 

Sexy Musical Romance

'Player' by Staci Hart

Image Via Sultrysirensbookblog.com

 

This, apparently, is what happens when the musician in question is not successful enough to become a rockstar. While this genre sounds like a description of what happens backstage or at a cast party, it’s apparently what happens when sexy musicians aren’t famous but are still sexy. The blurb for Player by Staci Hart demonstrates sexiness, music, and some really cutting-edge prose: “He’s a player. He plays the bass with expert fingers. He plays women with intoxicating charm. And he’ll play me with the ease of a virtuoso. Who better to teach me to play than the master himself?” If he was really such a master, maybe he could have been the protagonist of a rock star romance novel.

Doctor-Patient Forbidden Romance

 

'Temperance' by Cassia Leo

 

This genre, also known as ‘medical malpractice,’ gives a whole new meaning to playing doctor. Temperance author Cassia Leo writes:

Mr. C’s sex addiction is threatening to take over his life. The only thing keeping it from consuming him is his twice-weekly one-hour video chat session with Dr. Grayson. Though his webcam is pointed at a nondescript area of his study, her webcam is always pointed at those succulent lips and her long, lithe legs, which he can’t stop fantasizing about. He must have her. Will Leah and Mr. C submit to their forbidden passion?

Will we ever know the difference between romance, sexy romance, and erotica? Someone must.

 

'Up My Chimney' by Johnny Dangerous and Emily Sweetly

 

Of course, these categories are not the same as niche types of erotica, which have subcategories within their subcategories. Mythical creature erotica is one such subcategory—and under that, creatures like Santa Claus, the protagonist of Up My Chimney by Johnny Dangerous. Johnny, probably is not the only dangerous thing about this story.

 

Featured Image Via Lockerdome.com / Images Via Amazon.com

Riggleman

‘Devoted’ Writer of Bigfoot Erotica Becomes U.S. Congressman

The first controversy to rattle Republican would-be-congressman Denver Riggleman was the sort of suspect conduct the news typically covers—his possible ties to white Nationalism. It couldn’t get much worse than that. But it could get weirder… and it did.

 

 

Denver Riggleman with his original Instagram Bigfoot post

Image Via Express.co.uk

 

Riggleman’s Democratic opponent, Leslie Cockburn, exposed his secret back in July as the race heated up. Unfortunately, the secret wasn’t the only thing, uh, exposed. Cockburn shared pictures from Riggleman’s now-private Instagram account—pictures which included censored images of Bigfoot’s genitalia. Regrettably, ‘big’ is the right word to use here. Cockburn posted her accusations on Twitter: “Now [Riggleman] has been exposed as a devotee of Bigfoot erotica. This is not what we need on Capitol Hill.” It might not be what Virginia needed, but it’s what Virginia got. Widely-known author of shockingly weird erotica Chuck Tingle responded to the controversy with a piece of “sizzling human-on-Bigfoot action” entitled Don’t Vote For Virginia Congressional Hopeful Denber Wiggleman Because He Is Full Of Hate, Not Because Bigfoot Makes Him HardPeople voted for him despite both of those things, and he won Virginia’s 5th district.

 

Chuck Tingle's 'Bigfoot Tinglers'

Image Via Booklistreader.com

 

 

Your first question might be—what? Your second question might be something more like this—is Bigfoot erotica really a thing? The short answer? Yes. The long answer is that the Bigfoot erotica literary world extends way beyond Chuck Tingle, author of infamous stories like Bigfoot Settlers Claim My Butthole. Tingle says Bigfoot “gets people hard in a normal way” because the creatures are multifaceted and sensitive… but maybe also because “they are muscular from trotting through the woods.” Virginia Wade‘s Cum for Bigfoot, a sixteen-part series about Bigfoot and one of his parts, has earned her $30,000 per month. Wade writes: “two women were f##king the legend, the beast that was Bigfoot.” Other Bigfoot smut classics include Bigfoot Did Me From Behind and I Liked It by Raven Blackbird. The premise is, apparently, either hilarious or extremely erotic: 

 

26-year old Jessica Fox has loved and admired Bigfoot for as long as she can remember. But never in her wildest dreams did she ever think she’d get to ride Sasquatch’s monstrous 20-inch c#ck. That crazy dream becomes a reality. When Bigfoot slaughters her hapless boyfriend and barges into her tent, Jessica thinks the end is near. What follows is an epic session of love-making that dwarfs Jessica’s previous sexual liaisons with the president and Santa Claus. In essence, Jessica gets fucked from behind by Bigfoot… and she likes it. 

 

 

Raven Blackbird's Bigfoot Erotica

Images Via Goodreads.com

 

 

This is far from the only example of magical creature smut from Raven Blackbird (let’s assume that these are all pseudonyms). Riggleman, apparently, did not have the foresight to use an edgy pseudonym for his own The Mating Habits of Bigfoot and Why Women Want Him

 

 

 

Featured Image Via Thedailybeast.com

Judy Blume

Former Representative Shocks and Surprises with Saucy Poetry Books

Over the years I have learned not to judge a book by its cover, and by book I mean humans. Folks tend to surprise me even when I think I’ve seen enough, but I find the unexpected to be quite charming. So naturally I had to pass on some news from Non Doc and their poetic discovery.

 

Wesselhoft

 Image Via Paul Chrisstarlon Wesselhoft

 
The excellently named Paul Chrisstarlon Wesselhoft was an Oklahoma representative from 2005 to 2016, in addition to being a Vietnam vet, Desert Shield, Desert Storm, and a veteran of the first Persian Gulf War. This man has lived his life, and that includes his soul-baring poetry that he wrote between the ages of fifteen and thirty.

 

Eros, Penultimate Love

 Image Via Amazon

 
Eros, Penultimate Love is a 140-page book of poems, some romantic, some erotic. Wesselhoft submitted them all to Non Doc to create something utterly beautiful and vulnerable. His book raised the eyebrows of some of his fellow senators, but as a poetry-lover and writer, I applaud him. You can order Eros on his personal site here, but for now check out some of his works below, this is a surprise you’ll love.

 

Hands Never Touched

Hands never touched

But they wanted to.

Eyes often met

But they didn’t know how

To linger.

Words were exchanged,

But not brave ones,

Pondered in the heart.

It was the spring of our lives.

We caught crawdads, tadpoles,

Skipped stones on the streams.

We played in the yards,

Laughed, sang,

Did stupid stuff together.

The wind blew our hair,

Cooled our faces

On bicycles we would race.

On the field of play

We were on opposing teams.

It felt strange

To throw her out on first.

One day, we rode rides

At a carnival.

The next day,

Her family moved away.

Her name is Kristen.

We were friends —

More than friends.

Our hands never touched,

But they wanted to.

I Am in You

Though pleasure is only one aim,

First love comes with a little pain.

A mass of life is given, too,

When sacred love explodes in you.

Consummation is without shame

When two of us are but one name.

Two lives, but one life is true.

A part of me is always you.

Into every life comes the rain.

Love forever will be our claim.

Only for a time I am through.

A part of me is left in you.

Troubles come, passions tame,

But we will never be the same.

Today, a work I must pursue.

I leave a part of me in you.

Love Womb

Orgiastic thrills of love

Should make an atheist

An agnostic.

Yet there is no greater sensation

In creation

Than that of a father

Hearing the heartbeat

Of his love’s procreation.

 

Featured Image Via  

Erotic

Outcry as Amazon Censors Then Uncensors Erotic Novels, with Little Explanation

If you’re an author who is trying to become the next E.L. James, then the last couple of weeks would have been a whirlwind.

 

Amazon recently altered the presence of erotic titles available on Kindle, preventing the works of romance authors from having the high visibility they are used to. The abrupt, unexplained change understandably confused and angered authors. Amazon subsequently “fixed” the issue without warning or comment, leading to further confusion amidst relief.

 

Amazon confirmed the recent changes after one suspicious author contacted the company.

 

Erotica author Cailee Francis took to Twitter to air her frustrations with Amazon, writing:

 

 

 

Amazon sent her the following response:

 

I’m following up concerning some of your books missing their best sellers ranking.

After hearing from our technical team, we have confirmed that this is due to a recent update to the filter option for Erotica ebooks.

All adult-themed titles will be filtered from the main category sales rank as part of this update. However, you will still continue to keep all of your category rankings. I know this wasn’t the answer you were looking for but appreciate your understanding on this policy.

Please let us know if you have any further questions.

 

As their response notes, book ratings would remain in place within their respective categories. However, their ratings and visibility would change in general areas of their website and app. Any works that are tagged “Erotica” would have a low chance of appearing in recommendation channels, posing a huge problem for authors.

 

Books that are deemed “best-sellers” are typically pushed to the top of the book recommendation lists, offering high visibility to readers. With these recent developments, erotica authors were worried that their titles would draw less readers. 

 

 

 

 

 

If you noticed my use of past tense words, it’s because Amazon randomly changed things, once again, in the last twenty-four hours.

 

After Motherboard wrote about the effect of Amazon’s recent changes, Amazon responded, saying that the issue was, “corrected.”

 

“A recent Kindle Store change inadvertently affected the display of sales rank for some titles. We have corrected this issue,” Amazon said. Though Amazon refrained from addressing the issue to their followers on social media, their statement suggests that the abrupt change was unintentional.

 

Without much explanation, it is curious whether or not Amazon’s changes truly spawned unintentional effects, or otherwise. The good news is, erotica authors will be happy to hear that the ratings of their works should be in order. 

 

Featured Image Via ‘Feministing’