So, if you want yet another reason to dedicate your whole day (if you can) to reading, then consider this argument for all of the books in your “To Be Read” pile collecting dust on your shelves…
Who hasn’t needed SparkNotes at some point? Who else can tell you that one character’s name you forgot? If you don’t know by now, I’m obsessed with SparkNotes‘ twitter. Every tweet is a work of absolute genius. From god-tier memes to incredibly hot takes, SparkNotes’ twitter never disappoints. As we look down the barrel of a new decade, let’s take a look at the most mindblowingly relevant of their recent tweets.
And it’s Gender Neutral!
Sure, the original context wasn’t explicitly romantic, but it’s really something you can make your own. Who doesn’t want to be cool, feared, and respected? Think about it. And the implication that your very own calamity is a dragon? I’d be incredibly flattered. How could you not be? That way you’re not just saying your lover is great, they know you think they’re great. You’re telling them they’re powerful and feared in the local land. Goals.
The only thing that matters – which person in your relationship tries to kill the king and then panics, and which actually just finishes the job? Because listen. It’s important that one of you be able to get things started and set the ball rolling, or you’ll never get things done. At the same time, some people just aren’t great at finishing projects. Conclusions are tough. Momentum isn’t going to get you there. Someone needs to be more detail oriented. Detail obsessed. Wash their hands over and over.
I Can Relate
Okay, so only two of those things are true about me, but all of them are said. Do you love the sea? Are you probably a ghost? Avoid making appearances, especially during the day. Congratulations! You might be the Flying Dutchman, or another legendary ghost ship! Actually, you could be a vampire. Or just English and Victorian. All three? That’s a dream. Maybe THE dream. I’m not a ghost hunter or anything, but I might BE a ghost.
As we approach the decade that has, in advance, been termed the ‘screaming’ 20s, let’s avoid the pitfalls of the roaring 20s. And especially any choice ever made by Daisy Buchanan. Consider her an object lesson, actually. Don’t take up with lying military men. Don’t bail on them to marry guys who suck. Don’t then STAY with those guys when no one even expects you to. Don’t lead said military man on again years later. Definitely don’t commit vehicular manslaughter.
Awareness is Key
Hey. We know better than to call him foul creature. We’re beyond that. We have to be. But the rest of these are real. The Kids use them all the time. I mean, I’ll double check with my baby sister, but I feel pretty confident. it’s the sort of thing The Kids would definitely text about. Especially the last one. See? SparkNotes is always relevant. This is the cutting edge.
All images via SparkNotes on Twitter
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Remember when The Cask of the Amontillado memes came back and crushed the scene for no reason? Those were good times, and they’re not gone. In fact, I have cases of Amontillado memes. Right this way, they’re just at the back of my cellar.
Um… Excuse me.
Image via Imgur
Who would lock him up? You’re a monster if you don’t protect him. Look how baby he is! I’m shook. Come to think of it, he definitely shouldn’t be drinking wine either. Let him out, pat him on the head, and get him something dogs like to drink instead. The look on his face is priceless. So polite. Like… pardon? I may have a problem? The little paw too, he just conveys so much with so little space. I don’t care how much he wronged me, I’d just keep bearing those affronts. I would gladly let him kill me.
Why do I Never See That Guy Anymore?
Image via Know Your Meme
Fortunato? Well, I certainly didn’t murder him, if that’s what you mean! Are you asking if I lured him down to the cellar and knocked him out? Don’t be ridiculous! Where would you even get that idea? I certainly didn’t build a wall over him so he’ll die slowly entombed in the earth. You guys have a lot of questions, lol. So specific! Why would I pretend to be his friend, secretly hate him, and then plot to get him drunk and murder him? You’re a riot.
The Internet is GOOD
Image via Tumblr
People say that phones would ruin classic media, but people are wrong. Can you believe this? Imagine all that nonsense, then Fortunato sobers up a little and realizes he’s got his cellphone. The sheer silliness appeals terribly to the post-absurdist sensibility we’ve got going these days. I also really appreciate the anticlimax. Oh god, he walled him in! Wait, wait, he’s got his cellphone. It’s fine. PEAK COMEDY, I tell you. What did we do before Twitter?
You Know the Look
Image via Twitter
I don’t even know where to go from here, to be perfectly honest. How can something that’s borderline incoherent be so funny? Who gave it the right? Memes have gotten so abstract in the hundred-seventy-three-years since this was published. Why did this become a craze? Were people like ‘you know what’s relevant to the modern world? A sedate story about wine and revenge from over a hundred-fifty-years ago’. It’s a spicy take.
We’ve All Been There
Image via Imgur
Does anybody remember this show? And could you possibly explain to me why every single train had the worst personality ever put to film? I wasn’t rooting for any of those jerks. And what could possibly be the situation pictured here? Are they actually cask-of-the-amontillato-ing a guy? He doesn’t exactly look comfortable with whatever’s going on. These are children’s books, for goodness’ sake. Did they really just go, ‘I know what’s good for this kid’s book! Murder!’ Ahead of their time, I guess?
Featured image via Tumblr
We’re all obsessed with books. We all make terribly book based decisions. We all breathe deeply in secondhand bookstores. We all have so many books we’re likely to be buried in an avalanche and found only like a month later. Just me?
Is There One Where He Has Two Heads?
Image via Reddit
Those books aren’t real. TBR? A whole shelf of options? No. I can’t read those, how would I even go about it? Let me just go to the library quickly. Let me just hit the bookstore. I just need like, one thing. In and out. What about the only book I don’t own?
Get Some Perspective
Image via Alex’s Advice
It’s all about perspective, you know? Maybe nothing is anything. This is the mentality that describes poisons as ‘forbidden foods’. Have you ever seen a book? Did you open it? “Just” a book? JUST? There’s a special ring of the sauna for you.
It’s Only 500 Pages
Image via BookBub
People will get mad! I know you studied your whole life to read this fast, but I’ve just got natural talent and a high pony, and I am not intimidated. Give me the hardcover. Unless it’s for class. Homework? 25 pages will kill me. Don’t do this.
It Might Be
Image via Cheezburger
There’s a fine line here. Like, a really fine line. The number of stories I have to workshop that have zero description of the characters’ surroundings: I ask you, are these events taking place in a void? Is there just fog outside the immediate ring of characters? I didn’t expect to be that salty.
How Could You Do This to Me?
Image via Cheezburger
How could you do this to me? Like, actually how could you? The worst is when you get through a whole series and the end of the last book is the worst. All this time! All this emotional investment! And you’re going to let me down like this? I’d say I’m just disappointed, but I’m actually also very mad.
Featured image via Bookidote
Who doesn’t love a public library? Sure, a home library is an essential part of my dream life, but there’s something just essentially wonderful about going to the library. It’s like being ten years old again. My crops are watered. The smell of old books is everywhere. I’m living my best life. Most library memes are about how you should return your books on time, and you should, but here’s a broader selection.
Cliches can be True
Image via Pinterest
It lets you get BOOKS. You don’t even have to buy happiness now. You can check it out. Plus, what’s more fun than going to the library? Nothing. Literally nothing. CHANGE MY MIND. Someone actually tried to bully me for reading a library book. In HIGHSCHOOL. I was so baffled it just bounced right off. Like, yes? Don’t pity the dead, Harry, pity people who don’t understand the joys of the library.
Image via Meme Generator
I’m a GOOD library patron. I am. I don’t spill my tea everywhere, I straighten out dog eared corners, and I wouldn’t highlight a book with a gun to my head, but picture this. It’s some time in January. I’m juggling the aforementioned tea and also eight layers of wool. I don’t track snow all through the library. I’m scanning the holds shelf. And then it happens. COUGHING. I return to the sea in shame.
Did Knife Crow Write This?
Image via BuzzFeed
Just… just try it. Start by reading banned books! Maybe work your way up! I mean, hell, if a librarian told me to do crime, I’d be like… I guess I do crime now. Plus, the ellipses, I swear. There’s a sense of dramatic timing. This suggestion doesn’t just have appeal, it has style. It has pizzazz. I might go loiter somewhere. Librarians made me do it! Just pay your fines on time. We’re rebels, not madmen.
The Hero We Deserved
Image via MEME
As a child, was there anyone more iconic? I mean, I’d use an invisibility cloak to read after hours, but this disaster jock? It’s why we love him, though, isn’t it? Sure, he might be confused, and easily distracted, and good at sports, but when Hermione says ‘Go to the library’ he goes to the library. Truly the hero we deserved as children, and still do now. No knowledge should be behind gates! Let me INNN!
ALL OF THEM
Image via MEME
Alright, it’s only tangentially library related, but someone’s got to know my suffering. It’s phonetic acoustics, not fluid mechanics, but I promise, it’s three AM and I’m crying. What’s Romeo and Juliet to this? The Fault in Our Stars who? I once went to cram just one more chapter of my Cosmology textbook, just really fast, and it was about NUCLEAR FUSION. We all deserve a medal.
Featured image via American Library Magazine