Last week, we covered the nominees for The Literary Review‘s annual Bad Sex Award, and it was quite a trip. Check out the full list here. They were all really…something else.
Now, this year’s winner has been announced… It is Christopher Bollen for the “anatomically confusing” “billiard rack” analogy he used in his thriller, titled (somewhat upsettingly, given the context of this award) The Destroyers.
What is this “billiard rack” analogy, you ask? Well, reader, ask and you shall receive.
She covers her breasts with her swimsuit.The rest of her remains so delectably exposed. The skin along her arms and shoulders are different shades of tan like water stains in a bathtub. Her face and vagina are competing for my attention, so I glance down at the billiard rack of my penis and testicles.
The Literary Review commented:
The judges felt that there are parts in the book where Bollen goes overboard in his attempts to describe the familiar in new terms, leading occasionally to confusion. In the line quoted … they were left unsure as to how many testicles the character in question has.
It’s true: the billiard rack analogy is strange, but stranger still, I would argue, is the comparison between the skin of the woman and a stained bathtub. Stained bathtubs…aren’t sexy, Christopher. There is, frankly, no way around that fact.
Previous winners of the award include Norman Mailer, Morrissey, and Rowan Somerville. While many winners accept the accolade with good humor, others are not so welcoming. Unsurprisingly, Morrissey had a slight tantrum when crowned king of Bad Sex in 2015, saying, “there are too many good things in life to let these repulsive horrors pull you down I have many enemies, and their biggest motivation, as you know, is to try to use all your achievements against you.” Okay, Morrissey, add this “repulsive horror” to your list of achievements and move on, buddy.
Morrissey in a bathtub, although it’s hard to tell if this one is stained…sexily or not. | Via Giphy
Bollen has yet to publicly comment on the award, but I look forward to hearing what he has to say on the matter.
Featured Image Via Bustle