Tag: 50 shades of grey

‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Author E.L. James to Release New Novel

Fifty Shades of Grey took the world by storm when it was first released in 2012. What began life as Twilight fan-fiction morphed into phenomenally successful book and film trilogy, as beloved for its silliness and steaminess, as it was reviled for what many deemed its sub-par prose. However, no matter what side you are on, the fact remains that author E.L. James is at it again.

 

James has confirmed that her new novel The Mister is on the way this spring. It tells the story of Maxim, a privileged British man who inherits a large fortune and falls in love with a mysterious woman named Alessia.

 

The title was revealed in an exclusive interview with Today, which included a steamy excerpt from the novel. James described the story as “a Cinderella story for the 21st century”.

 

“Maxim and Alessia have led me on a fascinating journey and I hope that my readers will be swept away by their thrilling and sensual tale, just as I was while writing, and that, like me, they fall in love with them.”

 

The book is scheduled to be released on April 16th. It is available for pre-order on Amazon now.

 

 

Featured Image Via Tint Of Ink

40 Year Old Virgin

NSFW: These Hilariously Bad Sex Scenes Will Make You Squirm

The wonderfully named Vaginal Fantasy Book Club, a Goodreads book club “for romance genre books with strong female lead characters,” has yielded a truly great discussion thread of ‘Awkward and/or Hilarious Sex Scenes’ and you should read it.

 

You have been warned, though, this is so completely Not Suitable For Work, like, at all. If you’re in work or are too young to have a job, please abandon ship immediately. 

 

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40 Year Old Virgin Bag of San Gif Imgur High Quality

Via Imgur

 

“His man lance prepared for duty.” — Naked Dragon, Annette Blair

 

“In fact he keeps on and on ejaculating, there’s loads of the stuff…” — Too Beautiful For You, Rod Liddle

 

“…triggered his orgasm, which was not juice at all but a demon eel thrashing in his loins…” — Blinding Light, Paul Theroux

 

“He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my. I grip on to the sink, panting, forcing myself back on him, feeling him inside me. Oh the sweet agony… his hands clasp my hips. He sets a punishing rhythm – in, out, and he reaches around and finds my clitoris, massaging me… oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken.” — 50 Shades of Grey, E.L. James. Oh jeez is right. 

 

“He gasped at the thrill that ran through his body like wildfire. ‘You are a bold wench, Sabre Wilde. Are you bold enough to tame the dragon?’ ‘I’ll slay the dragon,’ she whispered wickedly. He lifted her onto his great manroot so she could finish her ride.”  — The Hawk and the Dove by Virginia Henley. 

 

There are more where that came from, and I’d recommend checking them out to, eh, get yourself in the mood for Valentines Day. 

 

I have a very fulfilling life 40 Year Old Virgin gif Via Giphy

Via Giphy 

 

Featured Image Via Sickchickchic.com

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Rise in London Sex Accidents Blamed on ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

With the recent movie release of Fifty Shades Darker, E.L. James fans seem to be taking things a step – or whip – too far. The trilogy focuses on what most call an abusive relationship, one that has no correlation to true erotica. In short, it’s a series that focuses on a couple, that participates in a lot, I mean a lot, of BDSM. 

 

Via Giphy

 

Over the past 5 years, Londoners have called the Fire Brigade to come rescue them from some sticky situations. From people stuck in handcuffs and to removal of penis rings, the increase in incidents is shocking, yet officials seem to know the reason why. In a recent press release, the Fire Brigade stated, “As the second Fifty Shades of Grey film hits cinemas we are once again warning about people being stuck or trapped in objects.” 

 

Now, you might be wondering…what on Earth? How could this happen? Valid point. It seems that the Fifty Shades of Grey books and movies are encouraging people to explore a more…erotic side of themselves. Hopefully they learn to be safe in the process! 

 

Be careful out there, folks and follow Director of Operations, Dave Brown’s wise words: “Our advice is simple: If the ring doesn’t fit, don’t force it on.”

 

Featured Image Via Warner Bros