Fan fiction is a strange thing. While it helps people to flex their writing chops, and sometimes can produce results rivalling the original work, there are some that are just so weird or badly written, you’d think it would have to be a parody. I feel like every geek goes through this stage, including me, and through the years I’ve seen some pretty jaw-dropping works. So here are five of the worst ones I’ve seen.
This one is more of a straight forward parody which is why it’s at the bottom, but it’s still incomprehensible with more spelling and grammar mistakes than you can shake a stick at. Very obviously a Twilight parody, in the style of a certain infamous fanfic, this takes the Mary Sue trope to new levels. I guess one could read this for the comedy, but the many, many spelling mistakes make it a difficult read.
This one has fewer spelling mistakes, but what it lacks in that, it makes up for in pure outrageousness. Sex scenes are pretty common in fanfic, although they’re usually written by people who’ve either never had sex before, or people who have no idea how the human body works. Edward’s privates are referred to as a “man carrot,” and “throbbing lavender man fruit thing.” I have no idea if this is another parody, but if it isn’t I fear for the future of writing.
It seems to be a genre on Wattpad judging by how many of them there are, but apparently sacrificing your rights as a human being to be owned by a British boy band is the greatest thing since sliced bread. There are many of them like it but this one takes the cake. The protagonist is a stereotypical pretty girl with an abusive mom (who sells her in the first place) and a dead dad. This has tween infatuation written all over it, and it’s a shame that feminism has taken a step in the backwards direction.
Sometimes fan fiction can become incredibly successful, much to the confusion of a lot of people. Everyone knows that it’s based on the Twilight series with a BDSM theme that doesn’t show it in an accurate way. With the two leads; an obligatory English major virgin who’s never had an orgasm before, and a control freak billionaire who waves more red flags than a Soviet Union parade, they make the story incredibly hard to want to follow. But what’s more irritating is the constant references to ‘inner goddesses,’ and ‘subconscious’ that apparently have a never ending battle over the one brain cell Anastasia Steele has.
One can’t simply have a list of the worst fan fiction and not have it feature. Hailed as the worst fanfic ever written, its writing style is something to behold:
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
It’s so bad that some think it’s a Troll Fic. How else can something be written so horribly? The above passage has been made into numerous copypastas and has been dissected by many websites, as people speculate about who the author might be. Whoever they might be, they’ve truly created a magnum opus.