English Major

The 8 Types of Students You’ll Definitely Meet in Your English Class

I can fondly recall almost every single one of my college English classes and the great experiences I had within each of them. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that I was in them. The first day is always a bit shaky since you don’t know what to expect. But as the semester starts kicking in, you’ve pretty much got a feel for how the professor is…and your classmates. Yes, those folks.

 

Just as a novel needs its characters, so does your class. English majors silently fill in certain stereotypes that are both true and humorous. They tend to change between semesters, but I think I’ve got it down to a few specific kinds. Here are some of the English majors you will always have in your class…

 

1. The Nirvana Fan. The edgy mysterious girl with short hair whose outfits consist of dark colors and quirky backpack patches. She loves Edgar Allan Poe and can deeply analyze any poem. She seems rather aloof, but gets very excited when she mentions her cat in casual group discussions

 

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2. The Marxist. The one guy who acts like he knows everything and maybe he does. Usually wearing dad-sunglasses when he first walks into class. He gives deep, three-minute-long answers when the professor discusses Jack London and tries to tie everything to Derrida.

 

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3. The Shy One. The quiet English major who never speaks up and sits at the side of the room. The professor seems to like them a bit extra. You almost forget they’re there, until they answer a question that leaves you very impressed and rethinking why you ever raised your hand in the first place. D’oh.

 

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4. The One Who Maybe Sells Drugs. The kid who sits in the back looking like he’s doodling and never answers questions. He will come in late to class then ask who ever is closest what page you’re on. When you peer review his poetry assignment, it may be about his cousin…or dog. Prone to falling asleep. Prone to showing up every three weeks.

 

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5. The Classic Goof. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, their answers will cause an uproar of laughter within the class that may cause you to think that you’re not funny and never have been. But they also save everyone’s behind by repeatedly asking the professor detailed questions about a novel that wastes close to thirty minutes of class time. Thanks, funny guy.

 

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6. The Snapple Facts. The one who knows all there is to know about one particular dead author. They will tie the current book back to something they have written. They will recycle their analysis from that author’s books to connect to the one in class. We get it, you like Tolstoy.

 

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7. The One Who Grinds My Gears. He’s a hotshot who thinks his middle name is Hemingway. He will sit by the front (surprise, surprise) and vigorously take notes. The professor is the only other person in the room on his level. He will spend an extra five minutes after class at their desk asking additional unnecessary questions. His questions aren’t meant for a class discussion; to him, we are merely peasants.

 

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8. The Mocha Latte. A guy or girl, but they will consistently show up right after the professor arrives and begin unpacking. They’re sometimes late, but always have a coffee in hand and, occasionally, wear sweatpants. They will sporadically raise their hand and offer an analysis that is deeper than your own or totally out of left field. Either way the professor dances around it enthusiastically and supportively.

 

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These are merely what I’ve come across in the five years of my English major courses. Some make me laugh while others make me think, and some just made me want to drop the class. Either way I’m glad they were around. The semester wouldn’t have been the same without these classic characters.

 

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