Leo Valdez: 15 Quotes to Celebrate this Snarky Demigod’s Birthday

Introduced in The Lost Hero, Leo Valdez quickly became a new favorite character amongst fans thanks to his sarcastic remarks. This son of Hephaestus isn’t just known for his jokes, though. His talent for machinery led to him rebuilding a freaking dragon and a warship crucial to the Prophecy of Seven, and he’s the first child of Hephaestus to be born in centuries that has the ability to control fire. Let’s revisit some of his sassiest quotes throughout The Heroes of Olympus series to celebrate Leo’s birthday.



“‘Do we get WANTED posters?’ Leo asked. ‘And do they have our bounties, like, broken down on a price list?’ Hazel wrinkled her nose. ‘What are you talking about?’ ‘Just wondering how much I’m going for these days,’ Leo said. ‘I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe… but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?'” – The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan


“I try not to think. It interferes with being nuts.” – The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan


“‘It’ll be dangerous,’ Nyssa warned him. ‘Hardship, monsters, terrible suffering. Possibly none of you will come back alive.’ ‘Oh.’ Suddenly Leo didn’t look so excited. Then he remembered everyone was watching. ‘I mean… Oh, cool! Suffering? I love suffering! Let’s do this.'” – The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan


“‘Gaea?’ Leo shook his head. ‘Isn’t that Mother Nature? She’s supposed to have, like, flowers in her hair and birds singing around her and deer and rabbits doing her laundry.’ ‘Leo, that’s Snow White,’ Piper said.” – The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan




“Jason faltered when he looked at Leo, who was mimicking taking notes with an air pencil. ‘Go on, Professor Grace!’ he said, wide-eyed. ‘I wanna get an A on the test.'” – The House of Hades, Rick Riordan


“Lots of death, huh? Personally, I’m trying to avoid lots of death, but you guys have fun!” – The House of Hades, Rick Riordan


“‘I try very hard to be annoying,’ Leo said. ‘Don’t insult my ability to annoy.'” – The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan


“I figure the world is basically a machine. I don’t know who made it, if it was the Fates, or the gods, or the capital-G god or whatever. But it chugs along the way it’s supposed to most of the time. Sure, little pieces break off and stuff goes haywire once in a while, but mostly… things happen for a reason.” – The House of Hades, Rick Riordan


“‘Like the zodiac sign?’ Percy asked. ‘I’m a Leo.’ ‘No, stupid,’ Leo said, ‘I’m a Leo. You’re a Percy.'” – The Blood of Olympus, Rick Riordan




“Leo took out a pen and autographed the arm of one of the nymphs. ‘Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus – only the picture’s so ugly, no one ever checks it out.'” – The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan


“So… giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn’t the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter.” – The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan


“Survive first. Figure out crayon drawing of destiny later.” – The Lost Hero, Rick Riordan



“‘Well done, Frank Zhang,’ Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. ‘That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.'” – The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan




“He forced his fists to unclench. ‘Look, lady, we’re not going to go all Hunger Games on each other. Isn’t going to happen.'” – The Blood of Olympus, Rick Riordan


“‘Festus just detected a large group of eagles behind us—long-range radar, still not in sight.’ Piper leaned over the console. ‘Are you sure they’re Roman?’ Leo rolled his eyes. ‘No, Pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they’re Roman!'” – The Mark of Athena, Rick Riordan

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