A young man once found a ring abandoned at the bottom of a river. He dove in and grabbed it. He held onto the ring and realized, one day, he wasn’t aging. As long as he had it in his possession, he wouldn’t die. So he held onto it for a long time. Then one day, a sneaky little man came along and tricked him into giving up the ring. The first guy ended up hating the second guy.
Now, in this scenario, the first guy seems pretty sympathetic. I mean you would also be angry if you had a life-giving ring and you were fooled into giving it up. But let’s call guy #1 Gollum, and all of a sudden ,he’s a creepy little garbage person who nobody likes.
The truth is there’s nothing wrong with Smeàgol or Gollum. His words are our words. Here are ten things Gollum’s said that are, yes, hilarious, but also so relatable.
1. Curse it and crush it! We hates it forever!
2. We swears to do what you wants. We swears.
3. What has it got in its nasty little pocketses?
4. We wants it. We needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Hobbitses. Wicked. Tricksy. False.
5. No food or rest for poor Smeàgol. He’s been sneaking.
6. Master should be resting. Master needs to keep up his strength.
7. Yes, yes we could. Spoiling nice fish, scorching it. Give me fish NOW and keep the nasty chips!
8. We swears to serve the master of the precious. We will swear on the…on the precious.
9. What’s this? Crumbs on his jacketses! He took it! He took it! I seen him, he’s always stuffing his face when Master’s not looking!
10. Bagginses? What is a Bagginses, precious?
Feature Image Via New Line Cinema