There’s no question that Chris Hemsworth’s Fat Thor performance was one of the greatest and most hilarious highlights in Avengers: Endgame. However, you end up feeling very disappointed in yourself the more you think about what drove the character to that state in the first place.
Image via Indiatimes
His mother is dead. His father is dead. His brother is dead (again). His best friend is dead, and so are half of his fellow Asgardians, Avengers, and Revengers. Thanos lived, and Thor failed to stop him from murdering half of all life when all he had to do was go for the head.
Beers, burgers, and Bloody Marys would look pretty nice to you too if you were in his position. One thing that Hemsworth did to get into character though, was play the guitar while singing Johnny Cash’s ‘Hurt,’ in his trailer, alone.
(More of the cover in the Youtube video below)
Hemsworth shared his cover of the classic song on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon while promoting MIB: International. “I didn’t know if I was ever gonna show it because it was in the trailer in between a few takes,” Hemsworth explained.
Hemsworth pondered about what kind of music a depressed, mourning Thor would listen. “What else but Johnny Cash, ‘Hurt,’ the saddest song in the world,” the actor added.
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
Those lyrics hit a little too close to home now, don’t they?
If we were fortunate enough to have access to books in our childhood, there’s a strongly likelihood we encountered picture books about animals—possibly of the talking variety. From Clifford the Big Red Dog (who, let’s be real, no landlord would ever tolerate) to the Very Hungry Caterpillar who, fortunately, had no access to Taco Bell, most of our children’s books were bright and cute. When we reached a higher reading level, many of us graduated to Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia to learn about all the magic the world has to offer. Don’t get me wrong: children’s early chapter books aren’t all about friendship and soul-bonds between ponies and rich girls. Especially nowadays, many address relevant social issues such as LGBT+ topics and immigration to address the lived experience of a diverse breadth of childhoods.
While browsing at BookCon, I happened upon Attic Books, a business selling journals made from vintage books. I purchased an honest-to-god stackload, and, when I looked through some of the book pages left inside, I realized that children encountered a different kind of magic in the 70s. While we were waiting for our Hogwarts letters, readers of Don’t Call Me Orphanby Michael Leach were pining for their first pack of Camels.
Image Via CBS NEWS
Remember how the Boxcar Children rubbed their sad little hands all over the window of a bakery when they were out on the street ogling the cakes? After fleeing an orphanage, our protagonist’s first move is to hit up a convenience store for some cigs:
‘How old you say you are?’
‘Fourteen.’ Well, I was almost in my fourteenth year. ‘Why?’
‘Enjoy your smokes,’ she said.
‘I told you. They’re for my pa.’
She disappeared, and I could almost hear, ‘I’m sure.’
Childlike wonder can turn a bare field into a magic kingdom, a moonlit street a bridge to a secret world, a regular gas station into a den of debauchery and delight. Do you think they have cigarettes and porn at Hogwarts? Take a look at the different sort of magic our protagonist discovers:
I noticed the magazine that old Pizza-face had dropped on the radiator cover. It was called Fever, and it had a color picture of this really stacked dame stepping out of a shower with nothing on. On the bottom, like a lot of those things, FOR ADULTS ONLY was stamped on real hard.
It’s possible this seems so ludicrous because, born in the mid-90s, I have never encountered the porno mags that the Beastie Boys screamed about. Is this any different than seeing highly sexualized images of women in advertisement and the media? That’s a different conversation. This is a conversation about never encountering a children’s book like this in my own childhood, in which most of the books on the children’s and middle grade shelves were relatively sterile.
I saw the FOR ADULTS ONLY and got even madder and more confused. Is this what you read when you’re a man? I opened it. Another picture inside, black and white, and it got me even crazier than the cover.
Maybe there’s a stacked dame out there waiting for me. I’m sure using that particular phrase will help me find her.
Image Via Movie Star Girls Blogspot
Oh, and we do hear from his parents eventually. Like our protagonist, we probably wish we hadn’t:
There’s twenty feet of rope in the basement, ya bum. You can hang yerself on the pipes. Aww, what’s the matter? Did I make ya feel bad? Well, ain’t that too bad! Stick yer head in the oven and I’ll turn on the gas.
I’m certainly not passing judgment on these older children’s books, nor am I attempting to pass judgment on children’s books today. Instead, I’m merely observing that there’s a difference—and that it’s pretty f*cking gigantic.
James Holzhauer, a professional gambler and the fourth highest earning American game show contestant of all time, just had his thirty-two game Jeopardy! winning streak broken, after losing to a University of Chicago librarian, Emma Boettcher.
Nicknamed “Jeopardy James”, his winning streak lasted from April to June of this year. He attained celebrity ranking for his complex technique and strategic approach to the game. “Being a Jeopardy! champion means something different than I thought it ever would” Holzhauer said after his loss to Boettcher, via Jeopardy!’s Twitter account. “People need to play to win. Emma dominated her warm up games. I knew she would make an extremely tough challenger.” Holzhauer had won $2,460,000, prior to losing to Boettcher. His total winnings were just shy of Ken Jenning’s combined earnings of $2,520,000.
We have a new champion! Congratulations, Emma Boettcher!
According to BBC news, the twenty-seven-year-old librarian wrote her master’s thesis on predicting the difficulty of trivia questions using text features at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. In an interview with Chicago Tribune, Boettcher said that she will arrange to use her total winnings of $46,801 to pay off student loans, and give back to her alma mater’s school of Information and Library Science.
“When they said thirty-two (game winning streak), I almost thought they were joking.” Boettcher said in an interview via Jeopardy!’s Twitter account, regarding Holzhauer’s winning streak. “But then it became clear during the game that he definitely earned it.”
I love comic book/superhero movies, but not everybody does, and that’s perfectly reasonable. They’re everywhere, they’re not always great, and chances are you get dragged to them because your friends want to see them just to board the hype train. Unfortunately for you, there’s no sign of their end, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make a good time out of it. (And if you do happen to like them, then the following drinking strategies might just augment your enjoyment.)
There are many superhero sequels coming out in the next couple years. This means we know what to expect, and what kinds of drinking games we can make for them. We’ve got a few ideas for a few movies so far.
Is it rude to sneak alcoholic beverages into the movie theater and drink while you’re with your friends? Yes. But isn’t it also rude for your friends to peer pressure you into going to a movie you’d rather skip and waste your money? Yes. Therefore, “Turn down for what?”
Spider-Man: Far From Home
Image via Hypebeast
1. A character mentions Iron Man/Tony Stark
2. Spider-Man does a flip
3. Spider-Man shoots a web
4. Spider-Man switches suits
Doctor Strange 2
Image via Vox
1. Characters do the weird hand movements to cast spells
2. Doctor Strange’s cape moves on its own
3. Doctor Strange makes a sassy remark
Image via National Review
1. Aquaman talks to fish
2. Mera has a badass moment
3. The scene changes to a different ocean/sea/lake/etc.
Guardians of the Galaxy 3
Image via BBC
1. They crack a joke
2. Thor calls Rocket, “Rabbit”
3. Thor calls Groot, “Tree”
4. The soundtrack plays a nostalgic song from a different decade
Image via Youtube
1. A character says “SHAZAM!” (Or when it shows up in the logo/opening title)
2. You see lightning of any kind (Yes, even in the logo/opening title)
3. Freddy gets meta and makes a remark about superheroes
Hope these “guidelines” help. Drink responsibly, friends.
This July, Christie's Auction House will open bids for a 44-page binder full of space shuttle control guidelines from the Apollo 11 launch, according to Reuters. The former owners — Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin — used it in the 1969 moon landing.