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We’re Sorry to Inform You That Harry Potter Isn’t Perfect, and Here’s How We Know

There are people who like Harry Potter, there are people who love Harry Potter, and then there are people who buy Harry Potter underwear. And even though we don’t really want to think about it, there are probably some people who don’t really care for Harry Potter and aren’t all that curious about what house they’re in or what their Patronus is. 

 

If you’ve ever been curious to know who these strange people are and what their rationale is, you can always hop onto Goodreads and delve into the dirty underworld of the one-star Harry Potter book reviews. Their numbers are small compared to the five and four-star reviews, but even the underrepresented opinions deserve a little consideration. Here’s a compilation of some of the best and worst one-star reviews of each of the books from the Harry Potter series. 

 

Book #1: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

 

Ashten says: “Meh.” (Is it me, or does “meh” seem to suggest two stars? It might just be me.)

 

Chris smith says: “this is my favorite book.” (Chris smith obviously does not understand the star rating system.)

 

I.dog90 says: “i didn’t even like this book. but i only read it so i would have some background info. i just wanted to watch the movies cuz robert pattinson was in it…” (I just… I have no words.)

 

Andy Steinberg says: “This is one of the seven worst books I have ever read.”

 

Voldemort (yes, Voldemort) says, “This is a disgrace to all pure bloods. My head looked quite dashing on that strange professor’s head.. If only I could have extended my stay. Harry Potter.. This is not over yet.” (He’s kinda got a point, actually…)

 

Voldemort

Image via Giphy

 

Book #2: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

 

Garrett says: “very dull all they did was fight a snake.” (Did you forget about the spiders, Garrett? DID YOU??!?)

 

Amanda Patterson says: “I have nothing to say.” (Amanda doesn’t seem to understand the point of writing book reviews.)

 

Andy Steinberg says: “This is one of the seven worst books I have ever read.”

 

Amyw says: “too many spiders in it for my liking.” (Don’t let your fears dictate your reading list, my friend. Be brave and solider on!)

 

Ajay Ramesh says: “This book should be in the Chamber of Bad Books.”

 

badum tss

Good one, Ajay. / Image via Giphy

 

Book #3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 

 

Tyler Te says: “I liked about the story is him flying on the eagle thing. I didn’t like it because sometimes it got random sometimes. I would recommend it to people called Carlyle.” (Tyler’s self-awareness seems to be broken.)

 

Chris says: “The rat did it. Ridiculous.” (If you’ll believe it, as far as the one-star reviews go for this book, this is one of the remarkably more articulate and well thought out ones.)

 

Andy Steinberg says: “This is one of the seven worst books I have ever read.”

 

Russell says: “i didn’t read this book but I can tell that I am not going to like it. the reson is that I like real book about real people and i hate the books that are made up.” (Someone needs to introduce Russell to these amazing things called biographies.)

 

Mailee Torres says: “i didnt really like the book because it was boring and because it didnt have any good parts in it and just talked about like wizards and stuff but that kind of stuff isnt really my thing!” (Something tells me you might like Twilight…)

 

Robert

Image via Giphy

 

Book #4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

 

Richard says: “Harry and Lord Thingy get into a shoot out. The results of the shoot out are absurd. Harry’s parents seem to materialize for some weird reason. I reckon it’s like Hamlet except these “ghosts” aren’t telling Harry to avenge them. There’s also the “ghost” of a muggle involved too. I imagine the muggle is completely baffled. Does the muggle know he died? Where was the muggle spending his afterlife? Was the muggle warned that this might happen? And how about Harry getting some warning beforehand that a duel with Lord Thingy might end like this. It seems like Harry should have been reduced to a raving madman by all this.” (Richard brings up some interesting questions, actually. Good job, Richard!)

 

Andy Steinberg says: “This is one of the seven worst books I have ever read.”

 

Berry says: “Am I the only one who finds Quidditch and the tournament and all that boring?” (IT’S A SPORT PLAYED ON BROOMSTICKS, BERRY! HOW DOES THIS FAIL TO ENTERTAIN YOU???)

 

Austin says: “Harry potter has a mission to do.” (And Austin has no time to elaborate, apparently)

 

Amanda Patterson says: “Is there nowhere to hide from this?” (There are no libraries in Antarctica, Amanda!)

 

bye

Image via Giphy

 

Book #5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

 

Matthew says: “WORST BOOK IN THE SERIES, THIS BOOK FOR ME WAS VERY UNENJOYABLE.” (I’M SORRY YOU DIDN’T FIND ANY PLEASURE IN READING THIS BOOK, MATTHEW, I HOPE YOU MOVED ON TO SOMETHING THAT BETTER SUITS YOUR TASTES.)

 

Andy Steinberg says: “This is one of the seven worst books I have ever read.”

 

kasha guild says: “i have read the book and i did not like it sorry to all of you harry potter fans but it just did not grab my atention.” (It’s ok, girl, I still love you.)

 

Od says: “So many other people think it is the best book through the series.” (But… but what did you think, Od???)

 

Geoffrey Bunting says: “Okay, J.K. Rowling, you’ve defeated me. Well done. Not many people can say that; not many books can claim to stop me. But you have. Through sheer volume of grating and tiring words, through an abundance of strangely paced paragraphs, through not only the recycling of the same old archetypes but the downright copying of other, better stories, you have broken me.”

 

evil laughter

Actual footage of J.K. Rowling laughing at your pain, Geoffrey. / Image via Giphy

 

Book #6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

 

Nessa says: “Are you serious? Are you SERIOUS Rowling? I am so angry right now, I’m gonna give this book ONE star because I’m angry and crying and devastated right now! It’s a good book and I’ll change that later BUT FOR NOW? ONE. STAR. ONLY. Now somebody hand me a kleenex.” (Can someone check on Nessa, please? I’m a little worried about her.)

 

David says: “Why did Dumbledore drink that poison, instead he should have been like “Harry, i am to old to combat this poison, you must drink this all while i force it down your throat which will cause excruciating amounts of pain, but you must do this for the greater good…..the greater good…””. (David…. just…. no.)

 

Autumn says: “two words: dumb book.” (Yay! Autumn can count!)

 

Andy Steinberg says: “This is one of the seven worst books I have ever read.”

 

Kiwi says: “i’ve NEVER read this book, in fact I haven’t read any harry potter books. I just hate them. I read like 5 pages of the first one and was BORED TO DEATH. i hate these books, the movies are better and the movies are weird. Don’t read it. Really. You’ll hate it… At least I did.” (Case closed, I guess?)

 

what?

Image via Giphy

 

Book #7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

 

Carling13 says: “It’s from a British author, it promotes witchcraft and sorcery amongst American children. It’s the 7th book that has done this very same thing. It shouldn’t be allowed to be sold in US bookshops or stocked in a school library.” (Party pooper.)

 

Hilary says: “For one, I cannot believe that she jumped ahead to their grown up years…Rom and Hermione got married, Harry and Ginny. Harry named their son Albus Severus…?? WHAT?!?” (Yeah… I actually kind of feel you on that one, Hil…)

 

Panther says: “Emu and I read it.” (And I don’t know about you guys, but I’d really like to know what Emu has to say on the matter.)

 

Jenna says: “I wanted Harry to die. I wanted to watch and laugh as Potter fans around the world screamed in agony, and then all of a sudden realized it didn’t actually make them feel that bad. I wanted people to realize what trivial characters these are. But alas, my wish was not granted and people still think they are the greatest thing ever invented since milk chocolate.” (Ouch, Jenna… just… ouch.)

 

Andy Steinberg says: “This is one of the seven worst books I have ever read.”

 

okay

Andy Steinberg has spoken. / Image via Giphy

 

Feature Image Via Warner Bros.