1. Holden Caufield

 

 

Not into phonies. 6”2, if that matters. Smoker. Drinker. I’m probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw, but recovering from an operation on my clavichord.

 

2. Golem

 

 

Looking for a ring. Something to call precious.

 

 

3. Patrick Bateman

 

 

Return some videotapes and chill?

 

About Huey Lewis and the News: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in ’83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He’s been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

 

4. Big Brother

 

 

You WILL love me.

 

5. Brutus

 

 

There will be no fault in our stars…as long as you aren’t a Virgo or a Pisces.

 

6. Oedipus

 

 

Looking for someone who can cook, clean, and tuck me in. Older women are my Achilles.

 

7. Elizabeth Bennet

 

 

I am a gentleman’s daughter; so far we are equal. On here looking around, but not looking for your approval.

 

8. Nancy Drew

 

 

I’ll learn all your dirty secrets before you can even figure me out.

 

9. Lisbeth Salander

 

 

If you touch me, I’ll more than alarm you.

 

10. Hester Prynne

 

 

Independent. Not on here to get slut-shamed. Into religious dudes.

 

11. Anna Karenina

 

 

A married woman, but curious. I don’t love you yet, but I’ll respect you.

 

12. Jane Eyre

 

 

I may not be your first, but I will be your last.