40 Year Old Virgin

NSFW: These Hilariously Bad Sex Scenes Will Make You Squirm

The wonderfully named Vaginal Fantasy Book Club, a Goodreads book club “for romance genre books with strong female lead characters,” has yielded a truly great discussion thread of ‘Awkward and/or Hilarious Sex Scenes’ and you should read it.

 

You have been warned, though, this is so completely Not Suitable For Work, like, at all. If you’re in work or are too young to have a job, please abandon ship immediately. 

 

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40 Year Old Virgin Bag of San Gif Imgur High Quality

Via Imgur

 

“His man lance prepared for duty.” — Naked Dragon, Annette Blair

 

“In fact he keeps on and on ejaculating, there’s loads of the stuff…” — Too Beautiful For You, Rod Liddle

 

“…triggered his orgasm, which was not juice at all but a demon eel thrashing in his loins…” — Blinding Light, Paul Theroux

 

“He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… a gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my. I grip on to the sink, panting, forcing myself back on him, feeling him inside me. Oh the sweet agony… his hands clasp my hips. He sets a punishing rhythm – in, out, and he reaches around and finds my clitoris, massaging me… oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken.” — 50 Shades of Grey, E.L. James. Oh jeez is right. 

 

“He gasped at the thrill that ran through his body like wildfire. ‘You are a bold wench, Sabre Wilde. Are you bold enough to tame the dragon?’ ‘I’ll slay the dragon,’ she whispered wickedly. He lifted her onto his great manroot so she could finish her ride.”  — The Hawk and the Dove by Virginia Henley. 

 

There are more where that came from, and I’d recommend checking them out to, eh, get yourself in the mood for Valentines Day. 

 

I have a very fulfilling life 40 Year Old Virgin gif Via Giphy

Via Giphy 

 

Featured Image Via Sickchickchic.com