I Read ‘Now That I’m a Ghost I’m Gay.’ You’re Welcome.

Recently (an hour ago) I wrote an article for Bookstr titled 10 of the Most… Interesting Book Covers, and on that list was Josh Lark’s Now That I’m a Ghost I’m Gay.

Now That I'm a Ghost I'm GayImage via Wired

This, obviously caused a bit of a stir in our office. What’s this about? Is it about ghost sex? How do you have sex with a ghost? What’s it feel like? Did becoming a ghost make him gay?

And with a title like that what was I supposed to do? Not read it?

So I paid the $2.99 fee, I downloaded it to my Kindle, and now I have all the answers (as well as many, many questions).

Now That I’m a Ghost I’m Gay opens on our main character, Alex, who has just died in an incredibly tragic bike accident. He looks down at his own corpse and realizes he only has one regret; he never came out to his hot and sexy roommate Jason.

And… whoosh! First ghost power revealed! At the thought of Jason, Alex finds himself transported to the men’s room of his dormitory where Jason is exiting the shower, and at the sight of his naked body Alex gets a crazy huge ghost boner. 

But when he tries to reach out to Jason, he can’t. His hand travels right through him. 

The reality of this situation dawns on Alex.

He’ll never be able to touch Jason, or anyone, again. The world that he’s lived in, everything that’s ever mattered to him, he can see but he can no longer interact with. Alex tries to scream, and he can’t. He exists only within his own mind. 

Then Jason’s towel slips and Alex gets distracted by his pubes. 

And that’s sort of how it goes. Alex begins to spiral through an existential crisis, grieving the loss of own life, until Jason does something a lil hot and Alex gets insanely horny.

Now That I’m a Ghost I’m Gay is 11 pages long, and this is what the first six pages are like. So let’s skip to the ghost sex. 

Gay for GhostsImage via Stitcher

After Jason realizes that his dead roommates spirit is in this communal bathroom, he decides to let him bend him over the bathroom sink and ravage his corporeal being with his haunted hands. The former roomies can’t ‘touch’ each other in the traditional sense, though Alex’s touch feels very tingly and exciting on Jason’s skin. Alex knows this because another one of his ghost powers is being able to feel what Jason feels. Which is handy (no pun intended) since Alex is the one doing all the—erm—touching. 

The story ends with Alex writing in the fogged up mirror, his only way to communicate with Jason, and saying how happy he is now that the truth is out. 

All of my problems with Now That I’m a Ghost I’m Gay can be summed up in this one line:

“How do you tell your best friend that you’re dead, that you’re gay, that you want him to be yours? Which one do you even start with?”

Gay BabadookGay Ghost Icon, The Babadook/Image via The Guardian

Alex kills all three birds with one penis by going straight to the bone zone. I understand that the point of novels within this genre are to be short, erotic, and chock-full of supernatural elements, but I think that this is exactly what bothers me about them the most. 

I feel like if I were to die suddenly, I might have a little trouble getting it up for at least a day or two. I’d have too much on my mind to fully enjoy losing my v-card in the middle of a public bathroom. 

But hey, maybe that’s just me. If transcending into the spirit realm is the only way to get your rocks off, more power to you, pal. Whatever floats your ghost ship. 

 

 

 

 

Featured image via Amazon and Mandatory