Did you know feline literacy is approximately 0% in America? Back in the day when Egyptians were in power cats were revered as kings, Gods even. Today they are just domesticated house pets who can’t even read! Help us bring cats up to to speed with these 5 tricks to get your feline friend reading.
1. Pick a book your cat will like
The first step to getting your cat to read is making sure you get a book they can relate to. Cats already have a hard time understanding humans, giving them a book about a mystery thriller or a school of wizards will only leave them questioning your place in the food chain. For their first book, give them something for cats created by cats.
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2. Explain how reading contributes to anti-social behavior
Anybody who owns a cat knows they like their alone time. So instead of trying to socialize with your cat, and suffering those annoyingly long scratches on your arms, reinforce their anti-social behavior by encouraging them to read! Your cat will find peace and tranquility by reading in their own little nook on top of the refrigerator, under your bed, or wherever else cats spend their time.
3. Reading can lead to superiority over humanity
Cats already know that humans are pretty dumb. Very few people actually read, this leaves them exposed to the rise of the feline species. Communicate to your cat how easy it will be to overthrow their human overlords if they simply read the right stuff.
For example, if your cat is an advanced reader, have them read The Art of War by Sun Tzu, or The Prince by Machiavelli. The tactics explained in these books will be no surprise to your cats cunning instinct, they just need a push in the right direction.
4. Books help cats escape the human world
Okay, maybe your beloved feline doesn’t have any imperialistic desires, but almost every cat can agree that the life of a human is dull, boring, and bland. After all, humans can’t see well in the dark, they smell weird, and they don’t even have any fur! So instead of training them to take over society, give them books so they can simply ignore your existence even more than they already do.
5. Leave your cat alone with its book
The final step to getting your cat to read is to leave it alone! Put your cat’s book in a place where it spends most of its time. Give your cat some space, maybe place its food and water nearby. Be warned however, expanding your cat’s mind may lead to unexpected results. They may get a job, start a career in marketing, and demand to be treated equally.
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