Colin Kaepernick

How Colin Kaepernick Should Spend His $1 Million Book Deal

This week, Colin Kaepernick secured a book deal worth over $1 million with One World, an imprint of Random House. Details surrounding the content of the book have not yet been disclosed, but I’d say its a pretty safe guess as to what it’s about, considering the timing. 

 

The ex-San Francisco 49ers quarterback has been a free agent since March 3rd of this year and remains unsigned almost two months into the NFL’s 2017 Regular Season. 

 

On October 15th, Kaepernick and lawyer Mark Geragos filed a grievance of collusion against the NFL, taking the case to civil arbitration rather than going through the NFL Players Association. The grievance says the NFL and its owners “have colluded to deprive Mr. Kaepernick of employment rights in retaliation for Mr. Kaepernick’s leadership and advocacy for equality and social justice and his bringing awareness to peculiar institutions still undermining racial equality in the United States.”

 

Chris Jackson, the editor-in-chief of One World, is no stranger to political issues. He has previously worked with author Ta-Nehisi Coates, civil rights lawyer Bryan Stevenson, and Jay Z, so Kaepernick and his story should fit right in at the publisher. One World’s mission is to “provide a home for authors—novelists, essayists, memoirists, poets, journalists, thinkers, activists, and creative artists unconstrained by genre—who seek to challenge the status quo, subvert dominant narratives, and give us new language to understand our past, present, and future.” 

 

Neither Kaepernick nor One World have commented on the Page Six exclusive, not that I’m surprised, with ongoing legal action and everything. So rather than speculate on the book, I’m going to speculate on what Colin Kaepernick might and/or should spend his advance on. (In my opinion, of course.)

 

1. Four million McDonald’s chicken nuggets

 

McDonalds chicken nuggets

Image via YouTube

 

At only $5.00 (before tax) for a twenty piece, Kaepernick could buy and munch on give or take four million McDonald’s chicken nuggets. I’d be ecstatic if he even bought one million chicken nuggets.

 

2. A party with Beyoncé

 

Beyonce

Image via Play Buzz

 

Beyoncé once charged $1 million to sing five songs at a private show in St. Barts. If I had an extra million laying around, I would absolutely kick it with B. 

 

3. Invest in the stock market, specifically in tampons 

 

It's a tampon

Image via The Atlantic

 

When I was a senior in high school, part of our mandatory Economics class was a project where we each “invested” $50,000 in three companies on the stock market and whoever had the most profits at the end of the semester won something. I don’t know what, I don’t remember because I came in second and I’m bitter. I “invested” in Boeing, Netflix, and Kotex.

 

Kotex was my dark horse, giving me a fantastic ROI (return on investment) and quickly shutting up everyone making fun of me for choosing tampons over literally anything else. Tampons may be taxed as a luxury but, y’all, they are a necessity!

 

4. Sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads

 

Sharks with laser beams

Image via Giphy

 

🙂

 

5. Donate all of it to the MTA, because seriously, the trains are so bad right now.

 

MTA Delays

Image via Bushwick Daily

 

Kaepernick moved to New York’s TriBeCa neighborhood after selling his Bay Area home, and while I’m sure the free agent doesn’t actively use the subway, if he did, he’d be a local celebrity on the A/C/E. Somehow, the A/C/E has become the shittiest part of my commute, shockingly surpassing the G on unreliability.

 

Featured image via the Undefeated