Dracula’s Castle Offers Vaccine but Definitely Not Vampirism




If getting your vaccine in an old abandoned clothing store isn’t your speed, there’s a new vaccine location that offers all the thrills you could possibly desire. An article from CNN states that Bran Castle, which takes its appearance from the dwelling place of Dracula, is now home to the Pfizer Vaccine as well, suggesting we should expect a Dracula sequel staring Count Pfizer and their disease repelling teeth.





Dracula was written in 1897 by Bram Stoker and stars the titular vampire and his quest to spread vampirism across Europe, perhaps in a similar manner to how the castle now intends to spread vaccine goodness. Does the vaccine come with a side of vampirism? Definitely not, but you can perhaps find that by exploring the castle afterward, along with the “Exhibition of Medieval Instruments of Torture” (CNN). If you dare venture to Dracula’s castle, here are a few other things you should look out for:




– Dracula apparently has a pact with wolves that lurk around his castle. Be sure not to become breakfast for them. Driving a car should solve this issue, unless they can bite through metal, which considering their affiliation with Dracula, wouldn’t be surprising.

– If you find any hot women in the castle who want to bite you, don’t let them, especially if you’ve just gotten the vaccine. They will steal your blood and your COVID immunity, not to mention your life.

– If you encounter Dracula, it’s probably fine to have a conversation, but make sure he hasn’t locked you into the castle. If he does, you can find his coffin buried underground somewhere, perhaps in the basement. You can kill him or any other sleeping vampires with a stake in a somewhat erotic process.




– If you encounter a group of agitated men who want to kill Dracula, this is probably because he threatens their masculinity. Depending on how agitated the men are, feel free to approach or run in the opposite direction.

– You may find many old-fashioned communication devises. These aren’t dangerous, but they are very prevalent in Dracula’s world and therefore deserve a mention.


Whether it’s in Dracula’s castle or not, please help yourself and the people around you and get vaccinated. Now is an especially great time, since the creativity of the vaccination sites seem to be increasing. I fully expect for the next announcement to be that you can get the Moderna Vaccine at the bottom of Loch Ness!