Via Real Business

Cackle at These Gloriously Hideous Literary Christmas Sweaters

Ugly Christmas sweaters used to be cool. They used to be hip. You’d buy old hand-sewn ones from thrift shops and everyone would admire your hip, seasonal style. Now though, trendsetter that you are, everyone has copied you. There are shops entirely devoted to tacky Christmas sweaters. People end up having the same ones. It’s truly awful. To console you, I’ve compiled a list of some of the most unappealing literary Christmas sweaters I could find. 

 

muggle shirt

Image Via Statement Tshirts

 

Blessed are those who have come to terms with their muggledom, and have given up anxiously awaiting their Hogwarts letter. Deranged are those confident enough to advertise this on a sweater. Arthur Weasley may find this appealing, but no one else will. 

 

sweater

Image Via Etsy

 

I quite like the idea of a Jane Austen Christmas jumper. That sounds like it could be quite pleasant. I’m envisaging inoffensive pastel colors, a nice embroidered quote, perhaps some flowers. I am not envisaging a brown and orange monstrosity such as this. And what are those pointless blue triangles? And why are those (what I think are) horses butt to butt? I don’t know. I don’t like it. I reject the entire thing. Next. 

 

sweater

Image Via Etsy

 

I actually find this Lord of the Rings themed garment quite endearing. I like how it’s laid out like a child might lay out their toys on the ground in no apparent order, or what they might come up with when asked to draw a picture of a story they’ve just heard. There’s Frodo in the middle, an indistinct monster on the right, the comically large ring on the left. There’s Shelob the spider underneath him, flanked by some festive bows which may or may not have appeared in Tolkien’s epic. Above him is what I assume is meant to be Mount Doom, and some stars. Stars make things pretty. Thank you to the four-year-old who designed this sweater. I actually really like it. 

 

sweater

Image Via Etsy

 

This one is actually all right aesthetically, but it’s so obvious that it’s not even clever. It don’t impressa me much. 

 

image

Image Via Etsy

 

This is cute. My favorite part about it is how Ariel has fingers on one hand and none on the other. She is also surrounded by inexplicable stars like Frodo. Perhaps she is swimming in the sky.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

precious

Image Via Etsy

 

This is another Lord of the Rings one, and on it the design is crowded and poorly spaced. The best part about it is that the slogan implies that the wearer is Gollum, and that Gollum is wishing a merry Christmas to the ring, which is a weirdly sweet image and one I would actually quite like to see depicted on a sweater. 

 

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