Bad Family: ‘Riverdale’ Recap

The Riverdale writers have clearly not been reading my articles because they still don’t understand that the show succeeds when all of the characters interact. They have a great ensemble cast, so why not use it? This is why the musical episodes are so fun- they are all forced to actually go to school and participate in the same things. And it promises at least one group number so everyone is at least on screen at the same time. But, no. Instead, we get subplots for each individual character. Yet again. 

Luckily, in this episode we get to see Betty and Jughead together a little more than usual (and Veronica and Archie, who have been kept very separate opposed to their usual constant makeout sessions). Jughead is rampaging because he believes that his grandfather actually wrote the first Baxter Brothers book and not Mr. DuPont. Betty and Jughead do their usual investigating and pretty much confirm that they are correct. When Jughead presents his findings to DuPont, he freaks out and basically threatens him. It can be assumed that Stonewall Prep had something to do with his grandfather’s downfall that they love to talk about so much. 

Even worse, Jughead’s teacher, Mr. Chipping, confirms Jughead’s beliefs about his grandfather, but cannot work up the courage to confront him. Instead, Mr. Chipping jumps out of the window in front of his students. While Jughead freaks out like a normal person, the rest of the class sits there humbly as if they are in on some sort of joke. This insinuates Stonewall Prep is hiding a lot of sinister secrets. DuPont then becomes Jughead’s new teacher which should be super fun for him. I wonder if Moose will ever come back…

Now, I am beginning to think that Stonewall Prep is going to have something to do with Jughead’s “death” later in the season. It appears that the other students and faculty at Stonewall are trying to target Jughead the way they did his grandfather so I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the cause of Jughead’s actual death or the reason why he needs to fake his death. 

Speaking of death, Betty decides to test her theory about Charles being a serial killer through a polygraph test after visiting Chic in prison to hear a story about Charles going mad and stabbing someone to death with scissors. The only thing she learns is that Charles is a recovering addict, so she feels pretty bad about the whole thing. She feels even worse, however, when following Betty’s visit, Chic decides to call the police and report a murder at the Cooper household. A murder that Chic committed, which he then pinned on Alice. FP and Charles go to cover the evidence that they had hit all that time ago and everything seems to be fine. That is until we see Charles visit Chic at jail, call him babe, and relate how FP brought him right to the body. Don’t you hate when your fake brother and your half brother start dating?

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Image via Daily Express

Speaking of siblings, Hermosa is still in Riverdale for some reason and she is causing a lot of drama for Ronnie. Despite her father being a maniacal murderer, Veronica still craves his approval. Thus, she becomes very jealous at the prospect of another daughter in on her turf. Unfortunately, Hiram moves back in with Veronica and her mother when Hermoine falls victim to Mark Consuelo’s abs. Can you blame her? 

Once Hiram replaces the creep painting of Veronica over his death with an equally creepy one of Hermosa, she decides she is done with her parents and refuses to attend their vow renewals. Way to go, Ronnie. 

Instead of attending her parent’s second wedding, Veronica uses her riches to help her boyfriend spruce up his community center so young boys would stop working for Dodger. Veronica buys some sick arcade games and offers free burgers and they draw a huge crowd. Of course, Dodger shows up to wreak some havoc. Veronica’s threatening glare and Archie’s huge biceps drive him away, luckily, but that doesn’t stop him from turning up at the end of the episode wrapped up in a rug and bleeding from the head. Looks like a classic whodunit to me. 

Oh, I should mention they find Dodger half dead after he pulls a drive by at the Andrews household. As if that family hasn’t been through enough. All I can say is I hope Molly Ringwald put him in that rug. 

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Image via Daily Express

We already know that Cheryl has a crazy family, but they just keep getting bigger and bigger. Some aunts and uncles come to Thistlehouse to try to convince Cheryl to sell the maple business. For some reason, this involves seeing the chapel (where dead brother Jason sits) so Cheryl banishes them from her house. They keep coming back because they are Blossoms after all and Uncle Bedford actually discovers Jason. He begins to get physical with Cheryl. It’s a good thing that she has a girlfriend in a gang. He gets knocked out. She diverts her other aunt. Everything is settled for now. Oh, and she drowned the haunted doll that has been terrorizing her and the babies. Should be good now, no?

Is it too much to ask that anyone on this show have a normal loving family? Except for Archie of course. And they’re being targeted with guns. I think Jughead needs to get out of Stonewall Prep once and for all. Betty needs to trust her intuition because she clearly knows what she’s doing. Veronica needs to continue dissing her parents. Archie needs to protect his mother at all costs. And Kevin needs to be in the show more. 

Featured Image via TV Line